A religious man is on top of a roof during a great flood. A man comes by in a boat and says “get in, get in!” The religous man replies, ” no I have faith in God, he will grant me a miracle.”
Later the water is up to his waist and another boat comes by and the guy tells him to get in again. He responds that he has faith in god and god will give him a miracle. With the water at about chest high, another boat comes to rescue him, but he turns down the offer again cause “God will grant him a miracle.”
With the water at chin high, a helicopter throws down a ladder and they tell him to get in, mumbling with the water in his mouth, he again turns down the request for help for the faith of God. He arrives at the gates of heaven with broken faith and says to Peter, I thought God would grand me a miracle and I have been let down.” St. Peter chuckles and responds, “I don’t know what you’re complaining about, we sent you three boats and a helicopter.”
A child asked his father, “How were people born?” So his father said, “Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on.” The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, “We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now.” The child ran back to his father and said, “You lied to me!” His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family
Why are pirates called pirates??
Because they AARRRRRR!!
What kind of an instrument does a pirate play??
A harrrrrrmonica
A sailor runs to his captain informing him about a tradeship, he sais:“they is carrying gold”
“ARE”
“and they is aware of us”
“ARE”
A legend was born
What is a pirates favorite letter?
If you guess the RRRRRR you’re wrong… It’s the C!
HAHA so dumb
Two cannibals are leaving a third cannibal’s funeral. Cannibal 1 turns to Cannibal 2 and says “He was a good friend”.
Love you Bec, woke up and couldn’t go back to sleep, logged on here and this is the first post that I looked at. 
thank you…
I will be able to go back to sleep now with the smile on my face. Thank you for helping me not take life so serious all the time. 
it’s the little things that we do for each other that sometimes count the most. Wishing you a peaceful and serene day in sobriety… 
P. S. And by the way my friend you’re meme game is strong. 
I do dad jokes too. My now 17 y/o who doesn’t really have her dad around have therefore labeled them as Mom jokes instead.
A Finn, A Swede and a Norwegian were competing who could stay longest in a sauna. The Swede gave up after an hour. The Norwegian gave up after two hours.
Later that evening they went back to the sauna and urged the Finn to come out, the competition was already over. The Finn replied: “I would but my balls got caught between the slats!”
Hey did you guys no I dated a midget once???
Yeah I was nuts over her 
What’s donald trump’s favorite potato?
A dic-tator
To err is human. To ARRRR is pirate.
I’ll tell you a backwards joke.
Laugh first.
How do catch a bra???
With a booby trap!!!
I tell Dad jokes, but i don’t have any kids… I’m a faux pa
Had a racing snail once and thought that removing his shell would make him faster… but it just made him a little sluggish
This is so silly it’s brilliant 