Never heard this before but i like itš
Always loved this tuneš
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Iām not sure if āaquiredā taste is the way to describe Fiona Apple. Anyways, she put out a new album after over 10 years. Though I wouldnāt start with this one if you havenāt listened to her before. But I still loved it right away which is rare.
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Goatās lullaby tonight.
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Itās soooo good!! My favourite tracks are Fetch the Bolt Cutters, Under the Table and Heavy Balloon. The way itās produced is lovely, it feels really intimate like its recorded in her house (perhaps it was?) what with all the dog sounds and generally clinking and clanking in the background.
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Yes!! She recorded it in her home! Isnāt that awesome. This message just made me so happy this morning lol I think Heavy Balloon might be my favorite 
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This whole album sounds like its a poetry reading in a coffee shop from the 90s lol 
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Yes, thatās totally awesome! It really adds to the feel of the record. It was such a cool surprise aswell. I had no idea it was coming out 
Thereās a ācalm kidsā playlist I found a on Spotify where we discovered this song. He can sure belt it. My rendition, when Iām jamming in the car, is improving daily.
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Wow what a beautiful artist, thank you for sharing
*I just listened to this song on repeat like 3 times
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Heās got a solid tone to his voice and the lyrics are so good. I love catchy pop songs that have some variance to them.
As tonight slips into tomorrow morning, it will be the anniversary of my mamaās passing after months of suffering from what was terminal cancer (Brain, lung, stomach and lymphatic). I read emails today that I have not read since before she passedā¦ It all seems a lifetime agoā¦ time wise.
Maybe that is because since then I crossed that line and became a full-on alcoholic, used up a few of my spare lives, and by the grace of my HP sobered up after nearly joining her.
For years, I would be liquored up in the days leading up to this day ā and the days in between now and Motherās day. It hurt that everyone else around me had their Mothers for major life eventsā¦but it wasnāt just her passing. When I made it back home after getting word of her passing, people I had known my entire life channeled their hurt and anger at me. The most vile and hurtful things were said to me that week and even at the wake and funeral by people that I thought should be looking out for meā¦ my aunts, uncles, and other family and church folk. I could never understand how or whyā¦ Other than just bad things happened to me.
In hindsight, I look at it today and donāt know why I didnāt burn the whole damn thing down to the fucking ground right then like I did most things. Instead, I turned to the only thing that I thought would get me through, a bottle of Jameo. After the funeral, cleaning and packing up the house, and falling into a bonfire and emerging unscathed (how that happened I have no clue), I packed the rental car and headed back on that long long drive back to the city, and never spoke to anyone on my mamaās side of the family in all these years since.
Over a decade later or so, a woman grabbed me after an AA meeting (after telling us of the horrors she had endured that far exceeded anything I ever had to deal with) to tell me ā not knowing anything about me or my past ā that forgiveness does not mean that there arenāt consequences. It took time for that to sink inā¦ But I slowly realized that just like we have to pay for the things we did when we were drunk to family, friends, or even Johnny Law, forgiveness didnāt mean it didnāt happen or that I had to pretend that it didnāt happen. I didnāt have to harbor the hurt and anger towards them any longer, but letting that go didnāt mean I had to reunite with these people or try to rekindle a relationship with them.
I still carry that chance encounter with me and always keep it close to remember that forgiveness doesnāt mean I am a doormat.
In reading today ā there was talk of gurus and beings from other planes that come to us in times of need. I donāt have a guru and have never met one. I was about to say that I have never met other-worldly beingsā¦ And then I remembered this woman and others that have crossed my path just when they needed too.
So quick is Goat to shove aside the piece of the Devine/HP/ the Universe within Goat and in others that I have witnessed. To see how the dance plays out when we allow that piece of us to shine through our egos. It allows people and things to come into our lives at just the right time and place to help us with something we didnāt even know we needed help with.
I never got to say goodbye to my mama before she passed. I never gave it much thought bc of circumstances that she would have understood, but these days, as I see more and more of the Devine/HP playing the long game in my life, I wonder if there is a lesson I am going to find there when I need it.
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If youāve lost your way to laugh and
Canāt remember how to dance and
If youāre out of tears to cry
Take my hand and
Iām on your side
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Thank you. I ran into this a few days agoā¦after a few snakes appeared in my yard while I was chewing on all of thisā¦ Hissing with Love. Lol.
At times Maharajjiās behavior reminds me of a story Ramakrishna tells of a saint who asked a snake not to bite but to love everyone. The snake agreed. But then many people threw things at the snake. The saint found the snake all battered. āI didnāt say not to hiss,ā said the saint.
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Sweeeetā:notes:
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Beautiful n so needed now 
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Through the water, through the flood
Through the fire, through the blood
I am the Lord, thy God, and Iāll be with thee
As the days turn to weeks and the weeks to months in quarantineā¦ Itās easy to think i am alone in this fight. But for me one of the promises of sobriety has been I am never alone. I may get lonelyā¦ But I am never alone. My HP drops markers out there, if I stay open to them, to remind me that HP is only a thought away.
Stay safe everyone. Much love. 
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Today hurtsā¦ You know that type of deep soul wound that just weighs on you and you feel through every inch of your being.
Sometimes even when your side of the street is clean and you are on your side of the road, others come crashing into it. Life happens. Suffering happens. Right now I canāt feel where my hurt begins and ends and the hurt I feel for others suffering begins and ends.
My thoughts were dark this morning. Maybe this world is better off without me. It seems that suffering follows me aroundā¦ hurting people around me. I wanted to escape the anguishā¦ As if that would solve the problem of those who are hurting. Flushing it all down the drain at the dirty dive barā¦or worse. All of it played through my headā¦
But as much as I want to judge myself on my thoughts, it is the actions we take to deal with all of this that mattersā¦
But what do we do when we donāt know what to do? And I am fresh out of a Box of Rain.
You see, there is a tendency in us to find suffering aversive. And so we want to distance ourselves from it. Like if you have a toothache, it becomes that toothache. Itās not us anymore. Itās that tooth. And so if there are suffering people, you want to look at them on television or meet them but then keep a distance from them. Because you are afraid you will drown in it. You are afraid you will drown in a pain that will be unbearable. And the fact of the matter is you have to. You finally have to. Because if you close your heart down to anything in the universe, itās got you. You are then at the mercy of suffering. And to have finally dealt with suffering, you have to consume it into yourself. Which means you have toāwith eyes openābe able to keep your heart open in hell. You have to look at what is, and say, āYea, Right.ā And what it involves is bearing the unbearable. And in a way, who you think you are canāt do it. Who you really are can do it. So that who you think you are dies in the process.
A friend said once that we needed to clean out our spiritual closet. Yesterdayās despair or triumphs take up the room to house with what God has in store for us today. And today is coming whether we are prepared for it or not.
Right now I donāt know what to feel or how to feel. I just feel and know running from all of this will hurt more than it helps. And that has to be enough right now knowing that the next right action will reveal itself when it is time.
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Life on lifeās terms. Thatās what I signed up for isnāt it? It doesnāt seem so bad when things are even just ok. But when things get dark and times are hardā¦ It isnāt so easy to feel that way. The last couple days have been some of the hardest I have encountered.
Having things taken from you and not knowing what way to turn or what to doā¦ That feeling of being absolutely powerless. In that powerlessness, however, there is strength if we are willing to trust that HP got our backs and understand that it isnāt always up to me to solve the problem. As a friendās says, it will work out, just maybe not like we think it should.
I often have heardā¦ Or interpreted what I have heard may be the better descriptionā¦ That trusting in your HP means that we should be suddenly without all fear. That hasnāt been the case for me so far. It does, however, often take that fear to a place where I can examine why I am fearful and allow me to try to right size the fear as it exists now, without living in the wreckage of the future. Sometimes I just have to let it be.
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