Going up and down in moods. Not keeping track of my HALT indicators. A lot of stress on my work, miss my son and ex. Or at least I think I miss her, more the guilt feelings about what happened. Have nice social events but after that I feel sometimes the loneliness. Now at my fathers birthday, brother with his man just arrived. Settling now a bit, proves venting helps. Thanks for listening 
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I am feeling the same. I am in fuck it mode. I am a Clinical Psychologist so I know the process. I know the trajectory of the disease and its impact. I recently went to Vegas and it was a mess.
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Guess what, drunk or sober mode…the “fuck its” happen. Coming on here is the perfect thing to do. Talking about it gives the “fuckits” less power
Something I did in the beginning was journal…about the good stuff and bad stuff…I was brutally honest. I found patterns that lead to the “fuckits”. It helped me deal with it and minimize it.
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Rob, I am sorry you are having such a hard time.
Life is really hard I know what it’s like to feel guilt for the things you’ve done. I’m sort of in the same situation but with my daughter, she’s taking my grandchildren away because she’s mad at me. I miss my grandchildren so bad​:cry: I haven’t seen them in over a year some days I want to drink so bad. But I know I can’t. It’s just not worth what it will do to me, You just have to pray to your higher power and know that you’re doing this right thing. You cannot let the stress of your everyday work and life get you down. You have to know that you’re doing this because you want a better way for your family your kids, whatever it may be that you want in your future. And that it’s going to get better it has to get better and the only way that Ăt is through sobriety being clean. You and I have to believe. I know Sometimes our hearts are heavy with what’s happening in our mind, but we cannot allow our mind to take over what is going on in our life. Because our mind will do wicked things to us, My mind will drive us crazy with thoughts that we don’t need You know that! It does not always know what’s best because between the heart and the mind it will sabotage our life! So don’t let it win! You know what is the best thing to do, You just have to do it… beleave me I’m so sorry you are struggling today! If there’s anything I can dofor you, please you are more than welcome to message me I am here, 
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