I’ve been absent a couple few days, trying to wrap my head around this feeling of loneliness and a bit of despair.
Forever grateful for this app and moreso for the people in it, but it’s not the same. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not really interested (at least at this time) from having a lot of people in my life, perhaps just the thought of those that aren’t. No one reaches out really, and while I always seem to be the instigator of making contact, I decided to stop and see. Well seems no one reaches out to me to any degree with that approach.
It’s made me a bit sad I guess, and isolated knowing that I’m not really in many folk’s thoughts. Of course I have my wife (but we don’t really talk deeply), she with her friends from afar, her pot and greenhouse. Sitting out there having chats with her friends on the phone. Then she works evenings and I days. So our paths don’t cross a lot regardless.
My son, who comes by weekly but he has his own life to live so we chat here and there, but he’s a busy fella.
I have a friend or two that I still contact but they are a bit different in their beliefs than I, and while I love them and do anything for them, our personalities don’t quite match up realistically. Did moreso when we all drank but now that some don’t our chat sessions aren’t quite aa interesting.
Well, that’s about it. I know this is not abnormal and something I need to work through, but it’s been hard lately. I’m fortunate to not really be “alone” as I love my wife/son and pets, and even more fortunate that while I have contemplated drinking a couple times lately, the thought actually repulses me. There is nothing in a bottle that seems to have any real interest for me…
I’m fine mostly and hope you all are as well. Just a bit down lately I guess.
I’m sorry you’re struggling with these feelings.
It sounds like you have a healthy understanding and approach to them, but of course that doesn’t make them feel any easier.
I do believe the path of sobriety can be a rather lonely and isolating one as we are shedding so much of what and who no longer aligns with us.
I know I don’t really have anything in common with the people in my life at the moment. I find myself drifting off to a far away land as they drink and gossip about mindless chatter.
I like to think that as my path is changing, so are the connections and friendships that are waiting to be made.
I do hope this feeling for you passes soon and that you know you’re not alone. hugs
I agree 100%, I’m in a similar situation. I have only few friends left after I told that I’m gonna live sober. Some of them just don’t understand so I cut all ties to them. But I’m always the one who keeps asking from my few friends how they are doing. They are not contacting or asking how I am doing. So, f*uck them, I’m gonna live my own life alone. Yes, I have a bad day and I’m pretty irritated at the moment, so sorry about that.
I know you’re not an AA person but just wanted to share a little of my experience. Going to in person meetings is similar to this forum. I’ve made connections with people that have flourished into very meaningful friendships. People that I probably wouldn’t have been friends with during active drinking/using. I can go days or weeks without talking to any of them and they’re always there no matter what. I walk into a meeting I haven’t been to in months and I’m welcomed with hugs. Some text out of the blue just to ask how I’m doing or a simple “thinking about you” or a meme. There are others I keep in contact weekly. I’m an introvert but they accept me where I’m at in socializing. There is nothing like friendships with like minded people who are authentic and working a program of honesty. I never imagined having so many kind people in my life.
I truly understand and sorry you do feel this way. To be honest I have zero friends. My spouse is not a friend.
AA opened up a a true social circle but I only see them at the meetings. I love my group. Monday - Thursday 10 to 11am is a great time. Unfortunately hubby knows I enjoy it. Yesterday he asked if I was going Monday . He thinks I have too much work to do and the fun needs to wait.
Thinking of your situation … maybe a new hobby you enjoy is a solution.
It’s nice to know someone is there when you actually need to get things off your chest a bit. Many talk the talk but walking the walk is where it counts.
I appreciate your thoughts and suggestions. I just need to work through some things as opposed to historically just drowning it out in alcohol.
You know, most people have one or two friends and most people don’t make time to reach out to anyone at all. Life just seems to get in the way. I know you love working out, but that can often be quite a solo thing too. Is there anything workout related you can join other people to do? A shared and sober passion that also brings those endorphins we chase? A good place to find friendship maybe.
You’re not alone in finding that people don’t reach out much…
I too am no stranger to feelings of loneliness and isolation at times. I haven’t really figured out whether it is as a result of sobriety, being unattached or something else and I don’t have any wisdom to impart, but I did just want to reach out and let you know that I hear you, @Chevy55 and @tailee17.
One thing I have come to realize recently is that I am sometimes my own worst enemy, not accepting social invitations and being sluggish in terms of communicating with people. It’s not easy being a ‘lone wolf’ leaning introvert sometimes
I will happily be your friend, if you’ll have me. Same goes for you, @Chevy55!
I’m also sorry to hear that Lam… reach out here anytime, but I know it’s not the same… but hopefully you can take some solace in knowing that you have folks like me that do care… your a good person and I always appreciate your kind words.
@james83@Dirk I appreciate your thoughts and kindness. I am going to work through. I’m just disappointed in some people and am probably feeling a bit isolated from my time away from work.
Perhaps when I return after this coming week things will improve.
Your absence is felt and missed. I forget that it’s not the holidays everywhere so just assume everyone is busy with the holiday obligations.
I am so sorry you are feeling this way. Sending hugs and love your way. I know how the loneliness can creep in- especially when you finally get a moment to be home alone without a large to do list to keep you busy. Are you able to join meet ups or some activities that you can enjoy during the winter? Like a sledding club or cross country skiing? Something that helps you connect but also keeps you active…this makes it easier to find you mesh with and gives you something to focus on when you don’t mesh lol.
I dont really talk to anyone besides on here and on days I’m fatigued or dealing with my symptoms I tend to only do a quick visit if that makes sense…it only registers later to me that so and so wasn’t around or huh I didn’t get an update form this person. You are very special part of this community. I enjoy your check ins, your fitness goals and journey and your amazing pictures and so much more. I literally was thinking I hadn’t seen you in the complaint challenge thread this afternoon. Was gonna wait till tomorrow to reach out.
I am glad I clicked on this thread… sorry it was 9 hours after you wrote in. Hope your day is going better. You are loved and cared for.
I understand Jasmine. This place in a way is just a further reflection of life really.
Unless you are engaged and reaching out, it’s so easy to get lost in the noise of everyone around you’s life. People place their energy on those that squeak the most perhaps.
People are lost in their lives, in whatever occupies their time. Whether Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, kids, dogs, bills, spouse, holidays. It’s just easy to not be high on priorities when so many other things are creating noise and distraction around. I mean I’m definitely guilty of it, as is everybody. You just hope to be on someone’s list to be checked in on occasionally.
Reality is, if you appear to have mostly everything together and a strong and independent type soul that spent a lifetime of taking care of all those around you, people just assume you are always ok I guess. Perhaps we are. Perhaps it’s just a stage to be gotten through. Perhaps being too sensitive… Who knows. Maybe I’ll wake tomorrow and feel a million times better…
Anyway it was a struggle I am dealing with and I’m sure I’ll push through…I always do
Hope you are feeling better soon as I always do and appreciate your and everyone’s words.
Very true. It does hurt when you are hurting and lonely. I’m sorry Nick we do have our sensitive moments and that is natural. Do know that you will be met with love and wonderful support when you reach out here.
Ive also found that you can reach out constantly to be then reminded that life happens and they can’t check in as much so I feel it goes both ways.
Put on some happy tunes or funny comedy and hopefully it’ll help lift your spirits
So relatable. @Chevy55. I joined this site not too long ago. What i find relatable about your post is the lonely feeling and sadness. I am doing my best to reach out when I need it. This is not easy. I have been isolating at the same time. I too have been getting cravings. Today I panicked because my cravings was intense. Somehow i managed to get on the phone with my sister and asked her to distract me. Mission accomplished. ODAAT. Keep reaching out @chevy55 and remember easy does it.
I feel you in so many ways brother it sucks but im not doing the reach out any more i along way from home. Heading there this next week ill be happy to see my dog as for telling any one im coming home im not keep your head up your not alone
percent relate to this, absolutely!
