I was told I needed to spend more time on here. I ended up just scrolling and reading and reading and reading. I feel so nauseous and heart broken. Got stuck on someone’s thread and some of this persons post truly scared me. Some just didn’t make sense but I continued to read. I feel like the concerns I have for my self now seem ridiculous. Others are struggling with far more worst things and I’m so confused now on how I should feel about my drinking problem. I can’t even really explain this feeling I just want to cry I hate myself for ever thinking of ending my life. I should be grateful of everything I have. I love you all and I wish I could hold you and make everything better for all.
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There are sometimes some raw things on here. What you are feeling just shows you are human. You can always play comparisons and find some “worse off” “better” than you. Just think about what you can learn from people and what you can bring to people. I hope you have at least understood you are not alone. We are all fearful, jealous, self-centered. That is being human. Accepting that is the first step to getting a little braver, accepting, giving.
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Hey Katy,
I understand what you’re saying. Unfortunately there is always someone worse off than us. I think it is a great part of the sharing and healing process. I use to hate it when I’d read some shares and think. Shit………My problems don’t seem like problems at all. And I bet even then some people that are worse off than I was find that same feeling when they read other shares. It’s not a contest. I’ve found it difficult to read some shares. But I also know that it is a major part of the healing for all of us. And that is also where Gratitude comes in. We all have so much to be grateful for when we are sober. Practicing gratitude on a daily basis is my strongest tool and that keeps me sober.
Addiction sucks.
#fuckaddiction.
Great topic by the way. Things can get pretty raw. It can be very difficult to read.
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I can’t stop crying. I had to walk out and wash my face with cold water so I wouldn’t wake my fiancé or have an anxiety attack. I fear that if I never actually even thought or gave this a try that one day I would ended up worse. I recently started doing coke while I drank for some reason it was always being offered to me and all dumb and drunk I did it. What’
would be next? Meth? Would drunk me do it all willingly? Every drunk moment that I must’ve try to erase just came back. I been roofied, raped, robbed, tried to kill my self by totaling my car. Why didn’t I ever stop.!
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Just too raw for me I guess. One things for certain it truly has opened my eyes. It’s like all my “blacked out” memories just came to light. So hard to explain.
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Everyones story’s are different but the pain runs just as deep for everyone in my opinion. Some dig there graves real deep, some doesn’t take much digging and that’s awesome.
Why? Cuz fish swim, birds fly, and addicts use that’s one thing I heard that made sense to me. Our disease wants us to torture, lie, sabotage, and even kill ourselves. These story’s remind us that all the drugging & drinking never works and we always lose. For me my disease don’t give a damn I’ll still go do it knowing the horrific consequences so I’m thankful to be here now. I hope you feel better.
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Never compare with others. We all have different lives.
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Sometimes reading others stories allows our own stories that we drank or used at to emerge and that can flood us with emotions. It sounds like that happened to you. I am glad you took care of yourself and splashed water on yourself and posted here. That is self care. 
We have all been through so much. There is no need to minimize our own trauma or experience. It definitely is not a competition. If reading others stories floods you, it is okay to take a break from that. For some, it inspires, for others, it increases anxiety. It is all about finding what works, what helps/supports YOU and you alone.
I hope you are feeling a little more centered today. I often find some time spent in nature helps me ground. Today I have lots of work in my garden to do and I need that. Be gentle with your self. Recovery is a journey. Glad you posted!
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U seem like a very compassionate, caring person. I have read some stories on here that are definitly hard to read as i could never imagine a person going thru what they have. But u have a story also and theres a reason why ur here. Try not to compare ur story to others. Urs is just as valid and just as important as anyone elses on here 
Sometimes people have read my story on here and they have expressed how awful things had been in my past and how strong I am… yet those same people have had things happen to them that I dont know if I couldve handled… no matter how strong i think I am. Basically what Im tryimg to say is that we all have “stuff” in our lives that have been hard. And all of our feelings are valid and important to express. I hope that u dont shy away from expressing what you really want to express. This is YOUR journey and YOUR recovery. Sending u hugs! 
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I can only speak for myself here but this is my take…i too have read some horrendous things on here, one in particular recently cut to my core…what this person had been through was truly horrific, i felt awful for the person for days, still do…however what ive chosen to take from it is the positive…in every dark cloud there is a silver lining
…through this story and many others like it what i see now is the strength these people have and it restores my faith in people and in myself of what we are all capable of…this is the inspiration for my next art work that im going to create called ‘silver linings’
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There is no should. It’s OK to feel confused! I think certainty is something that we all want to some extent - to know how to think, how to feel, where we fit in. It is something I have craved anyway. But realising that there will always be uncertainty has helped me find some comfort in the not knowing. Things will be what they will be, just got to do what feels right for me and see where it ends up.
As others have said we really can’t compare to each other. We are all here because we want something different from life. We can’t change the past, but we can do things differently now, to set ourselves on a different path in future 
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That’s exactly what happened to me and I was chained to a glass pippe for 7 years. I was also roofied, raped and suicidal during my drunken days in my early addiction. When the hard drugs took over my life became a different type of unmanagable. I ended up cleaning up off meth in 2005, it was not easy, but unfortunately I relapsed because I was blaming meth for ruining my life. I thought I could manage my drinking… was I ever wrong. "If I just stay away from the hard drugs I will be ok… " famous last words. I ended up being in a brutal 12 year relapse and suffering the most painful days of my addiction.
If you are anything like me you have just forseen your life if you kept drinking alcohol. If you are anything like me and you were to stay in active addiction, your addiction would take you to places you said you would never go. One of the most important things I have learned in recovery is humility, we are all the same. Every person who has this disease suffers in the same ways, the disease is progressive. It robs us physically, mentally, and spiritually. If that is a truth then you are exactly like me.
I am so glad that you have found your way here, and are at a place where you have enough courage to take a look at whats happening with you. In regards to others stories on here, those are the hard truths of our lives, when I read them I am damn grateful I am not there anymore. Maybe gratitude would be a helpful way to deal with your feelings too.
Sidenote:
I keep this gif in my backpocket for when I am overwhelmed. Its a great to have a visual.
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There are too many of us in this club nobody wants to join.
Thank you for sharing your beautiful post of encouragement and compassion.
I find so much comfort in the breathing GIF.
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Hand up, another girl here who was roofied, gang raped and all the trauma that comes with it. Spent years running away from that and numbing. You are not alone, and that’s clear from all my beautiful sisters who have shared here. Suffering in silence is a terrible place to be. I’m glad you are here and not alone.
I want to chime in primarily to agree that comparison is not healthy when it comes to trauma stories, or suffering in general. What is one person’s pain might not cause the next person the same level of trauma. It simply cannot be compared. I think we get good at trivializing our suffering because others have it “so much worse.” Instead I have found it healthier to own my pain and to honor the suffering of others to whatever degree they deem for themselves. It’s a hard route when you have a lot of empathy for others and you want to put yourself in their position to understand what they went through. But it’s important to keep yourself safe. I am glad you took a moment to splash water on your face, to distance yourself a bit. When folks talk about reading around here, I think it’s a good suggestion but you can do so on your own terms. If something is too difficult to take in it’s absolutely okay to take a break, to go to a silly thread like the memes or the pet photos or something to lighten things up. I think folks are suggesting to spend constructive time here, but like I already mentioned, you can make decisions on what is healthy for you.
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Different people abuse drugs and alcohol for myriad of reasons. Some of those reasons seem trivial and others are beyond sad.
Your focus is on your own sobriety for whatever reasons are personal to you.
There is a lot that happens to other people in the world far beyond the realm of our own control…
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I think it’s not so uncommon an experience, and it’s a real watershed moment.
Now that you mention it, I was still drinking when I found this forum. I lurked for a couple of days without an account reading people’s stories. In them, I read about what I had gone through. Things I had forgotten about. And what’s more, I saw very clearly where I was going.
It was like a curtain being pulled back and it changed me forever. I realized that up until that moment, I had subconsciously given up and was planning for defeat. Much of what I read hadn’t happened yet, but I was making choices assuming they would happen. It was a self-fulfilling prophecy just waiting, if I did nothing.
There was hope though. They had all recovered and were happy now. All I had to do was anything different.
So I started trying to accept what is past is past and try to shape a different future, try to make something new and positive from it, by just changing something today.
We do recover. We are sober today, we are grateful, and that’s a solid start. 
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I have felt that exact way before. I’ve really got it good compared to some others, what I have I got to be depressed about? Why do I feel the need to drink so much? It’s harmful to think of not being somehow deserving of suffering. Your feeling and your experience is your own and can’t be compared to other people. We are all at different places in our journey. 
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We are all different in that we are to a high degree, the sum of our experiences. Different experiences produce different views, beliefs, mindset, interests
However, we find commonalities in our experiences as well. It is in these experiences we find empathy, understanding, and support.
Think of it this way: Combat vets understand other combat vets, even if their personal experiences were in different wars, different fronts, against different foes…the essence of combat is the same.
Here, there are addicts who are or were struggling to get free from something that enslaved them. Could be booze, one or more drugs, self-harm, food, sex, porn, gambling. The chain may be of a different metal, but the essence of the experience of addiction is the same. We are here seeking understanding, from those also seeking understanding. We are here seeking and giving support.
Because we all seek the same things: Freedom and Peace.
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@Ktorres thank you for sharing. You have put words to what many of us here have experienced and lived through. I actually find solace in knowing that despite what trauma my mind and body have endured, I am not alone. My feelings have been felt by others and that gives me hope that if they can turn their lives around after experiencing such pain that I can too. My experience was mine but my sober journey is shared here and that gives me the strength to continue to stay sober.
Much love
Ree
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I only slept for 3 hours my mind was racing with thoughts. But I think I finally understand and accept that I do have a problem. And I don’t think I ever want to ever drink again or be around any of those so called “friends” my eyes are wide open now. I hugged my fiancé so tight this morning and apologized for everything and reminded him how deeply in love I am with him. I wrote down every bad thing that’s ever happened to me under the influence so I can always read over it to remember. The whole idea of “fun night” was never true.
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