There are may reason why it took me ages to accept this part of me, I still struggle to this day on talking about my sexuality and will 9/10 try either avoiding this topic or simply refuse to answer it.
I was brought up from an Italian catholic background, I went to a catholic secondary school and had the Bible forced down me for so many years… I have to say some part of me wishes I was a teenager in this generation they have painted the rainbow so well and its beautiful.
I was very much in a turmoil that I thought I wasn’t ever going to have a partner, my mother was the type to say things like you’ll grow old looking after me… Nobody will love you with those problems…
So as a teenager I squashed those feelings I felt towards females, I got to uni still denying everything and so here goes the sex destruction, I couldn’t tell my family the very homophobic people so i was straight right! Right but I couldn’t just go the journey of one male partner and try and fuck myself straight nope! I do it the mental way… I go into the swinging and BDSM community, I do the most of extreme things because all of that is better than just accepting the truth.
6 years of sex addiction because I wouldn’t accept who I was… I put myself through alot and I detest been asked how many people have you been with hole swallow me now
When I stopped and started to learn that I did deserve more, I remember coming out to my parents went down like shit, there was no hugs and hoorahs… There was a lot of either stay straight or get the fuck out… You know at that point I knew I had too many problems… That I was on some drug or partying to hard because I hated going home… It was a toxic place so I left and wad told never come back… 7years on I still haven’t gone back to my hometown, not seen my grandmother, aunties, cousins, my dad before he past nor my only sister and her 4 kids… And the reason why because I like girls!
This is powerful and beautiful: like a ray of sunshine after a fog. Thank you for shining that into our space here on TS
I don’t give a shit how many people you’ve “been” with. Ultimately when people ask that question, it’s just a number, it’s just mechanical, like counting how many oranges you have in your groceries, or how many cars are parked in front of your house. Who cares?
What matters is really being. And that is what you are doing now. And whoever you choose to be with - at the present, and if you choose to do so - they have 100% of you, in your perfect imperfection (your complete incompleteness).
You be Danni. Fully. Deeply. Radiantly. Stormy at times yes; but that is power and conviction: your full self is a magnificent, deep, rich being.
Thank you for sharing with us Danni, it’s very kind to open a door and connect with us in this way. Take care sister & know that you are loved for the person you are - always
I know that you have had great losses along your way, but you chose yourself over all and it is the best thing you could do. Honest life is the only life worth to live.
I just want to say the YOU are not the black sheep. You are not the one “fooked” up. You are a hero. You tried to protect your mom and got no reward for it. You did it because it was right. You are strong.
Don’t let these memories hold you down, let them inspire you to take on the world. To take on your demons and win.
If I had a daughter @anon27760155 I would want her to be just like you. So proud of you Danni. You are a remarkable young lady. Thank you for being you, and for your honesty and sharing your life with us.
What everyone else already said before me! You have bottomless resolve, resilience, courage, and beauty. Acceptance starts with ourselves (I’m learning - slowly, sigh), and you’ve done that work! You should have only had hugs and hoorahs from those around you who are (in theory) supposed to love you for who you are…
You get nothing but hugs and hoorahs from me, Danni.
As i’m sat on a train debating the shit out of my choices, there is just this recurring thought… You were meant to be dead!
There have been a few tines in my life where I have been so broken, so shattered I couldn’t see a way out except well kicking it, letting that deep seeded sad danni rise and take the last call out of here.
Now I’m here with a lesson that I’m learning, you are fucking worth it and death is not the answer… My gosh have I put myself through shit some I didn’t deserve and some I just had to hit rock bottom to grow, to see my worth.
I certainly don’t have a handle on life, hell there is shit going on now for me where I really could cave in and once again just slip away but here is the one difference for me. When i attempted to cut the line of life, I was sent to a mental health team and a nurse sat by me… She asked me one question why?!? Why do you believe you don’t belong here ?!?
My answer was a rabbling babble of non coherent shit but the feeling of being a burden, a freak and just not worth shit were very strong emotions. This woman a stranger grabbed me and pulled me into her, she had a tear in her eye and stated you are worth it…
The compassion from her and the whole team gave me a strength I once had and I began picking up the broken pieces of me… Life isn’t easy, accepting you make mistakes and your not perfect is hard.
I really enjoy reading your writings. Your ups even your downs. Your flying apple pies and broken glasses. All of it. You never cease to amaze me. You are such and inspiration to all of us on here.
And you are
Have a blessed sober day.
Sorry to hear that least u battling on tho and with good reason u should be proud! I have never hit my kids and never will it’s something u always remember
I was brought up in a family home where violence was normal, it was normal for me to sit and watch violence happen… there were times where I took a punch for my mother because I couldn’t bare to hear the pain. It became normal for my sister to attack me because I wouldn’t do what she wanted me to do.
Now I fast forward my life to being homeless and where my violence became my survival, I hurt people because if I hadn’t used violence I doubt I would be sat typing this up.
A woman sleeping on the street is a fearful place, the streets are cold and the hostils are the same. It is easy to have everything took from you as it is a dog eat world out there. You are not given the same respect as a person with a home, there is judgement, there is no care, no love and barely any hope.
There are people who will put a knife to you, there are people who will stab you and there are people who will take something from you because you are the opposite sex.
I dont wish the streets on anyone here however the streets are where I learnt to never judge a person and there struggles in this journey of life!
the streets have taught me appreciation of absolutely everything. When you start with nothing then anything is something worth holding onto. I’ll never forget those cold nights though.
Danni, it takes a lot of courage to share your story and from your story clearly you have had this inner courage your whole life. Its messed up, so messed up, what some parents will do to their kids. You have overcome so much and while you may feel broken the fact that you are sharing and clearly know that it was a fucked up childhood shows that you are taking the steps to heal. This takes time, my story is different and also screwed up…it took me time to let that part of my childhood not have control over me any longer. Once we figure out how to not allow it to have power over us, it does get better. On that note I feel as if I am quoting the scene in the movie the Labyrinth. Wishing you all the healing.
That was a great clip Maggie. Thanks for sharing that. We saw that movie when it first came out. Wasn’t a big fan back then. But we are huge Bowie fans. Even had a cat named Bowie back then . But that message was spot on. I loved it so much. Thank you again for sharing it. Keep up the great work Dani @anon27760155 you’re an amazing woman. You give this old “mister” a lot of inspiration for me to stay sober. Thank you.
. But that message was spot on. I loved it so much. Thank you again for sharing it. Keep up the great work Dani 
a lot of inspiration for me to stay sober. Thank you.