Iāve been thinking about this and hashing out my frustration, and I think itās based in 2 things:
After 2 years, Iām still not all that sure that my spine surgery was worth it.
I had never really thought about it, but in my heart, I am a competitor. I live for it. More often than not, competing against myself, but also against others in sports/athletics. I know many of you are competitors, too, and can understand this need to compete but not being able to really go at it.
I get where youāre coming from with this. But you mustāve been in a pretty good amount of pain, at the time in order to go through with the surgery. Do you think you wouldāve been better off without it?
I just started hitting the gym a couple months ago. Itās an incredible outlet, and seems like youāve got great company to go with ! These photos made me smile 
The reason I ask this is because. 5 years ago I opted to have my right hip replaced at 40 years old, due to AVN (which is basically a fucked up arthritis that detiriates one of your joints). The surgeon said they have no idea what caused it. (Could have been from falls in ice storms Iāve taken in work over the years, but they said alcohol definitely played a part and sped up the process). Now because of this Ive lost a little bit of mobility and certain things I used to like doing, like 5ks or plyometric training are totally out. And sometimes Iāll say, man I wish I wouldāve waited a little bit longer. And my wife will say, dude, do you remember how much fucking pain you were in day in and day out before the surgery? I think sometimes we forget, and focus on what we canāt do. Instead of just concentrating on all the stuff we still can. 
Thatās great. Yeah itās a good outlet
Whatās happening right now is a big part of why I got it done, episodes like this. Didnāt think itād happen again.
My agility and speed was washed before, and still is.
I also know that long-term prognosis for fusions isnāt great, since the adjacent parts of the spine will now wear quicker. I took that into consideration prior to, but now Iām not so sure benefit has been worth the cost and risks.
The only thing I can say, is that they did say upon opening me up that my spinal cord had a ridiculous amount of tension on it, so things likely would have gotten worse neurologically. Whos to say how much future deterioration I saved myself, no clue.
Iām just wrapped up in the moment, in my head. Have physio and mental therapy later today. I fuckin need em both.
Leg day went well today, still deadlifting 15kg less than before but gonna get there again odaat. Guys, I donāt usually pose but I happened to catch this view of myself getting dressed for work and I thought hmmm, might as well shareā¦ Not too skinny for a girl who hasnāt been able to do a pull day since Novemberā¦
Stay strong team. 
Holly back muscle Batman! Good work.
I can only hope someday in a couple years or so, lol.
Looking pretty dynamite Ms. Faugxh. Even nursing an injury, youāre still kind of a badass. But you knew that. 
Went to PT and saw the Dr while I was there. They figure it was muscle fatigue leading to sprain/strain, resulting in spasm/guarding (lateral shift). I would love that if thereās no disc involvement.
Dr has me trying voltaren cream (1st application last night did nothing) and lidocaine patches, just put on the first one an hour ago. Nothing yet. Historically, topical meds do nothing for me but weāll see.
If no improvement by Monday, she asked me to call her first thing and she will call in some short-term medication for me. She is aware of my addiction history and I did stress no narcotic painkillers, even though they were never my thing. Canāt be too careful. If anything, itāll be muscle-relaxant/anti-spasm meds, which I have taken in the past before with no problem.
I can stand up straight this morning and itās the least amount of pain since last Wednesday. Still hurt but finally something in the right direction. I donāt think Iāll be asking for any meds, I can handle this.
A huge part of my brain was, āyeah, back to the gym!ā
Then the smarter part was like, ājust take the week off as planned, you big sillyā
Liaten to your body brother and the smart part of your mind.
Starting back even ive had to have rest days. At 40 i have to listen more than go with my ego.
Thankfully Iāve reached the point where I know a week, hell even a month off isnāt a disastrous thing. There was a time 6, 7 years ago where even 1 unplanned off day woulld really irritate and worry me.
This was a planned week off either way, I plan one every 3 months or so. Just itching for some physical activity! Canāt even go for a long walk quite yet, but now Iām improving fast so Iām eyeing my planned return to the gym on Monday. First week back is always intentionally light and easy.
Youāre right though, Iām checking in w/ myself on Sunday/Monday to assess whether itās wise to actually go at it. Gotta be honest with oneself about how the olā bones are feeling.
Thanks bud
Itās 5am and at my iron church! Fridays are light days with abs and full body workout! Are you all starting your days with a pump or ending them to wind down? Have a great weekend my sober swole fam!!!
Just pulled these images together!
Nov 20, nov 23, march 24
Can see definite change in arms chest and shoulders albeit subtle but enough to see some progress
Not only that but you look about a decade younger! Excellent, excellent work
Dude huge transformation! You look like you got 20 years younger! Keep up the hard work man!!! 
