ahhhhhhhhhh at work having one of those why am I ahhhhhhhing moments, no time to reflect now… more later ahhhhhhh HAlt and serenity prayer time
5 Likes
Feels like so much going on in my world. Recovery, Work, Moving, Health, Relationships. My plate is definetly full.
I have been taking back my will, then l let it go, just to take it back. I have been trying to control others at home, work, new and old housing co-ordinators, housemates who are still, almost two years later, a handful, no matter how much help I give or take away. My back has been acting up lately and my stomache. I know the added stress isn’t helping. Got people trying to convince me to not move, still, after I have been clear about this process for some time. Work hoping a dollar raise would make me stay, trusted servants not wanting to lose my support at home group and area. Family wanting answers and proof that I am moving and when. These are not the worst problems I have ever had, by far, but it can be a lot when I am experiencing every level of halt. Not wanting to be at my home for large portions of my stay here because of ongoing relapsing has been taxing and is happening again for weeks, I can hear it happening in the room beside me. Being lied to about it is normal I get it, however this gentleman was set to be removed back in fucking august. He can be a good dude and a support at times which is almost more infuriating.
So I took some Tylenol, which I try not to do but I am a little bit at my wits end here… I ordered some take out. I am laying down waiting for delivery. I have vented, prayed, communicated as clearly and kindly as I could with work, housemates and family. I am in my room almost isolating for large portions of my living here rather than spending all my time around active users and trying and failing to help them. Wishing I could be present and enjoying the time left as my ride is coming to move me out on Thursday the 19th of May, just over two weeks. My belly button Birthday is a week away as well. ON and on, it goes. So I will try to eat, rest, not answer if work tries to call me in tomorrow. I will get to a 12 step meeting, Talk to God. Call my family and my counsellor. My sponsor and sponsee’s don’t seem to use their phones. Wish me luck.
God bless you all. 
& 
p.s. Never give up, I won’t. I believe in you. Ya you!!
8 Likes
That’s one full plate you got there, Brian. I’m glad you’re here talking about it. Really proud of you for acknowledging what’s going on and how it’s affecting you. Keep those boundaries in place and protect your sobriety at all costs. Soon enough you’ll be in your new place and feeling the freedom you deserve. If you can get to a meeting, be sure to share about it. The more you put it out there, the less power it has over you. Sending you big hugs my friend. 
5 Likes
Thanks @Lisa07 . I just ate, delicious chicken wings, Tylenol is relaxing my back and watching some sports. The vent helped and your reply. Take care. 
5 Likes
Glad to read I’m not the only one with a full plate Brian. Yours might be even fuller. Funny how I read you first post in one long held in breath, and the last one I could exhale again. I could feel you relaxing a bit and I’m relaxing with you. One day at a time friend. Things will work out for us. We got this. Hugs.
5 Likes
thanks @Mno we do got this. breathe and smile my friend
i left out that i have been applying for school too, exciting stuff.
saw you completed therapy, congrats. my counsellor has been sending me info to therapists lately as well, more on my plate. anyway, one thing at a time, one day at a time
5 Likes
Dear @I.cant.We.can and @Mno I send you good vibes, sounds a lot for both of you. Thanks for sharing, now my own plate looks pretty easy to handle. Needed the reminder on HALT and ODAAT today 
3 Likes
Hello all, definitely got some HALT going on today.
H- hungry so I ate as soon as I got home from work, and drank a bunch of water.
A- angry that my husband drinks beer more than I would like. Angry that once he starts, it feels like that’s the end of his participation in the household. Angry that I feel like I’m doing a lot of work on myself, and he just gets to sit around drinking beer. Angry because I know this is mostly in my head, and I have to do more work to get out of my head. Time to read the Al-Anon book, and some more podcasts.
L- feel like there is some space between me and my husband- I’m pretty sure I created it as a reaction to stress. Time to work on that
T- I’m physically tired. I will drink some chamomile tea and get to bed early.
I’m grateful to have a place to put this, and people who will understand.
9 Likes
Sending strength and prayers.
2 Likes
Where to begin…
I am glad fathers day is over, mine passed away when I was nine(1987), I have a step dad who is great and not great, I don’t have kids which is another good and bad thing, so I guess this falls under angry and sad. I love both of my dads and can acknowledge these feelings will pass but it is still a hard day and has been for a very long time. Could go deeper into all that but lots more to share on other stuff.
Been lonely since moving into my new place by myself, this is not new the single lonely feeling. I have been working on learning to feel and accept it while opening up the idea of dating again. I have been single since mid 2017 and been working on me for years now. So ya since moving I have been more open to the idea of dating again and kinda have been. I am angry that I ignored the red flags with one of my neighbors whom I have been making meals for and with, watching movies, going on walks with her and the dog, almost every day last week, choosing to focus on us laughing as we run through the park with the pup and being stuck in my head isnt this romantic, exchanging hugs and glances… awe… watching her and the dog be comfortable enoughto fall asleep on my couch after a day of hanging out doing all the aforementioned stuff. Trusting when she says while leaving Saturday night we will do something Sunday afternoon whens she gets back from a road trip to get some of her possesions back, ignoring that she isn’t in recovery anymore, has been, currently not. She responded at 10 p.m. last night to appoligize and asked if she could stop by when she got home, I asumed that meant late last night, it is now monday 5p.m. and still no word, I feel like a whiny brat but my time and emotional well being is valuable, I do not treat people that way anymore so I am angry, sad and lonely. I am aware that I need to show compassion and understanding (I have done these same things to many people in my past) and do the right fucking thing but it still sucks. I understand it is new, we have labelled nothing and I hold no power over anyone but those controling habits are hard to break, this too shall pass.
I’m angry that my family got upset that I allowed my picture, my apartment and name to be printed in three of the local papers, last week. I didn’t know it was going to be front page news or in three papers but it isn’t about me or them it is about promoting the organization that opened this new building. It is about my opportunity to have a brand new affordable place close to family and school. One of the workers asked for my help as I am a capable tenant who is able to keep his place clean and give an interview. My family fears reprecussions and judgements of me so “bodly” announcing that I am back in town and are in shame and shaming me for living in a housing community that helps low income people with mental/physical\addiction and income problems. The unhealthy expectations that they try to deny putting on me before or now can fuck right off. I have worked very hard to make it safe for me and mine everyday for years now, get over yourselves and grow up with me or get the fuck out of the way. I chose to put myslef out there as it helps me and others who know my story to see change and growth is possible. I have held myslef down long enough abusing myself for things I did and didn’t do, I am over it. I work on letting it all go everyday and move forward with love towards myself and everyone but damn the struggle is real. Some of this has already been discussed with family and friends, professionals and will lessen over time. Still waiting to talk with my neighbor so wish me luck on my attempt to healthily deal with that for my and her sake, she is sick too.
I am tired of waiting, have work and school lined up but still have about two weeks of waiting for all the mail to show up so I can get to work and/or apply for assistance, need my last employer to send my record of employment. I am having technical difficulties with my computer. It tells me it no longer will recive updates just on time for schooling stuff to get lost digitally ahhhhhhhhhhhh. I walked up to the college last week to get some help and they aren’t open again until tomorrow. (easy does it Brian, progress not perfection) I’m grateful one of my supports offered to help with a laptop for school days before this happened. I told them no because my computer was working just fine then… Lol I will contact them this week about help with a new laptop.
Thanks for listening. I ate some food, took a nap, shared my problems, did some service and don’t plan to stop doing my best with all your help. Praying for stength. Serenity prayer on repeat. Phew!
God bless you all. &
p.s. You are amazing. Ya you!!
12 Likes
I feel the same in regards to your family, I find truth in all things the way to go these days. It’s liberating and healthy to own it and be ourselves, warts and all.
As far as your lady friend; I’d enjoy the company and not look too far ahead. That stuff has a way of playing out by itself.
8 Likes
Sounds like a lot going on. I hope voicing it helped!
4 Likes
Nope. That’s you. 100%.
This is a powerful post, reclaiming your space in the world and setting boundaries that are necessary - not only to your recovery, but to your essential human-ness. It speaks to our interconnectedness, too - how most of our struggles are more alike than different, really:
We all want honesty from our friends, for them to respect our time and feelings.
I’m pretty sure we’d all like for our families to really see and commend our efforts to rebuild our lives.
And most of us want some certainty when it comes to the future.
I so dearly value your sharing about the struggle. It is real, but you are not alone.
Sending strength and love and light. 
7 Likes
For me holidays magnify feelings of missing normal things that most people have.
It’s been that way for me as long as I can remember.
It’s easy to lose track of how far I have come when those feelings surface.
You’ve come a long ways! Keep on keeping on!
Don’t let a bucket of red flags get you. It’s easy to do.
I think a big part of me was addicted to the chaos of all the toxic people I had In my life. Now that they are gone, I don’t always appreciate the calm. It’s new.
Keep trudging! Your doing great!
5 Likes
tired angry and lonely… i know what to do but i dont want to do it, poor me right
particularly lonely, angry that I cant seem to let things go, can’t seem to sleep properly again, angry that i keep placing expectations on this lady friend that I am up and down with … again, i put up a boundary or she does and then we cant maintain or respect them, that annoys me and makes me feel like a hypocrite because i feel like i am trying, its exhausting. then i found\find someone else, long before this lady friend and i am angry because its not realistic being from different time zones, so ya lonely angry and tired, so I jgo to bed soon and pray more and vented here.
8 Likes
I’ll take A for Angry.
My wife’s passed out on the floor. Couldn’t even make it into the guest bedroom from the garage.
It’s tough being sober but it is better to be sober.
I’m sorry you are still having troubles with your friend. I’ve got to come up with some boundaries too.
9 Likes
Fucking expectations.
It’s hard not to have them sometimes.
8 Likes
I dont miss that. I remember that my wife didnt leave the couch for over a year before her disease won. 
Sorry i dont have some great advice or positive thing. I do care and have all kinds of love and strength to send you.
6 Likes
I’ll take what you can give.
5 Likes
Hugs love and strength to both of you.
I’m glad you’re posting and talking about it.
5 Likes