New to the forum…had four years clean, but relapsed about five years back…went ok for awhile, but of course ended in disaster. So here I’am again, two weeks sober and hating every moment. I do know the rewards can be great, but the mind doesn’t want to hear that noise. Still I’m using the tools I have and getting there moment by moment. Y’all stay safe.
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Welcome here BlackAlter. To become and stay clean takes work, lots of it and you obviously know it. And obviously you want to make this work too right. It’s good to see you and I’m glad you’re here. Together we can make this work. Success.
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Welcome, I’m glad you are here 
Hi and welcome! I think you’ll have alot to offer here. What was your thinking when you decided to drink? I’m so glad you’re here…
I had 9 months and 26 days sober from alcohol. Longest stretch for me in 15 years. Then one day I just wanted to drink. That was it. I wanted to and did for 2 weeks and it sucked! But I wanted to so I did. That addict is very patient and lies dormant for just the perfect moment and BOOM. By the grace of God I am back on the horse and trying to figure out WHY? Got 12 days now and back in AA doing 90 in 90…again. Couple of old timers ripped me a new one yesterday morning but I really needed it…welcome we are glad you are here!
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Your telling my story. I relapsed after staying sober for a long time and spent close to the time I was sober trying to make not being sober work.
I did all those foolish things we do trying to make it work only to end up miserable.
It was really hard for me to accept sobriety again after relapsing. Short term sobriety felt worthless to me after I had thrown away long term so it was really easy for me to keep trying to make it work. My denial grew bigger than it ever had before. I wasted alot of time trying to control what was really controlling me.
My final relapse was almost seven months ago. I call it my final relapse because i quit giving myself permission to start over again, and more important, I recognize that trying to control it will bring me to an early grave.
Now im getting the rewards of sobriety again. And i value my sobriety again.
I have to think about my thinking. So I can recognize when my inner alcoholic/addict is trying to trick me into trying it again.
This forum and the support i get here has helped me tremendously.
Glad your here!
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Dam you had four years? Man I am just trying to get to the next day sober taking it one day at a time. How was it after years of being sober? What made you drink again? Just want to know, see if I can prevent that from happening to me, there is a thread on here about relapse and alot of people said that they thought that they can drink only one or able to control it, after some time it went on to more and more drinks where they were drinking more than before, is that true?
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I think we are haunted by the same thread, @livep9, it’s where the guy writes his gf is drinking in the bath and asks the forum for advice only to never resurface until like 9 months later or so, and trying to get sober again, right? Man, that was really eye opening. I still think about it too!
@BlackAlter welcome to the forum! It can be a huge help and I also think you have a lot to offer to people here which will in return be rewarding for you. Can you tell us more about your relapse?
Best wishes!
Hello and welcome here 🙋
I’ve been where you are. My addiction is alcohol.
I was sober for 5 years and then thought I was “cured”. So I drank at my birthday dinner and kept drinking for more then one year.
Was I cured? Ofcourse not.
Could I handle it? Hell no!
So more then 20 months ago I came here because I needed help. And this community gave me just that and more!
Almost 21 months sober today. That relaps learned me that I cannot drink ever. And it may sound stupid but that gives me peace as well.
You will get that peace as well, but it takes time. Sober/clean time.
Push trough, you know what it takes. But you also know what the reward is!!
Go get it! 
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Welcome. I’m proud of you for getting back on the wagon.
I highly recommend checking in daily to keep focus in the checking daily to maintain focus thread.
I also recommend finding some activities to fill time like, running, cycling, working out, meditation/mindfulness, crafts, drawing, reading etc.
I also recommend reading on this forum a lot on this forum and asking questions if you have any.
Good luck, you’ve got this.
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Thanks for the welcome and kind words…so what made me drink again? The long answer is all bullshit, the short answer is I’m an alcoholic and my disease is as patient as can be. It can bid it’s time and wait for the perfect moment to convince me that I’m cured, and once I let go, once I take that first drink, it has me again…totally. I was never a drink every day guy…always held a good job, always dependable, so it’s easy to convince myself that I’m doing ok. Even after smashing a case of beer, plus shots, plus whatever else is laying about. The fact is, you could have all the time in the world, but you will always have the disease…it may be in remission, But it’s there, just waiting for the perfect moment to pounce. I guess I just had to hit a bottom again to see it…but it didn’t have to come to that. Either way, I’m back on track (I hope) and fighting.
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So appreciate this share, and we are fortunate as heck to have you on this forum!
That’s how it’s done moment by moment,you had a good chunk of clean time so u know that it’s worth the struggle ,I’m feeling your struggle especially those first few weeks months ,I nearly got 6 months but the power of my inner addict won that time ,I’m again fighting to get bk to some sort of sanity,wish you all the best and welcome to this amazing forum 
Thank you for sharing that, you put it very well; it’s there always, patiently waiting for an opportunity.