Relapsed last night and now sat regretting my choice to go out. Got a killer hangover and just keep replaying events through my head. Why am I such a failure? What will it take for me to stop? Why is my life so shit? Will I ever turn my life around? Only 1 thing to do and that’s try again I suppose.
10 Likes
Well, I would search around this forum and make a list of things that will do to stay sober. I would not recommend going out in early sobriety, there’s way too much temptation. Also, have you considered a form of recovery meeting (AA or SMART)? Becoming sober is about so much more than stopping the drinking! I have been where you are countless times. I woke up one morning hungover and trying to piece together what I did/ said the evening prior, and I decided that was enough for me. I will hit 6 months in 2 weeks 
Check in here, get to know the community, and enjoy your sober journey! There is so much joy in sobriety, stick around long enough and you’ll see 
8 Likes
@Addictive most of us have been there. A few on here gave it up easily. Myself, I beat my head over and over and over on the alcoholism wall. The head banging stopped the day I decided to change my life. I changed everything. I do AA, but to be honest, as unpopular as it is on here to say what I am about to say, it’s a small part of my recovery. With that said, I would be a drunk without it.
Why did you relapse?
11 Likes
Ask a better question, get a better answer. Rather than ask, “why do I do this to myself” ask “how can I stop doing this to myself?” Then really listen to the answer.
Ask “what’s working?” And “what isnt working?” And listen to the answers.
Not one successful person ever became that way by asking why they’re such a failure.
11 Likes
You will, if you do more than wish or want. So what you were doing before wasn’t enough. What more will you do? What’s your plan to escalate?
5 Likes
Well that sucks, but a lot of us have been there and went thru the same process of relapsing a lot til we finally built some sober muscles and had a solid sober toolbox. I do know those feelings of self loathing, anxiety, etc. A real shitshow.
One thing I found really helpful…writing down all that crap that I wanted out of my life…hangovers, anxiety, self loathing, anxious stomach, fighting while drunk, making plans I would cancel, spending money on booze, letting myself down over and over again, etc etc. I keep a list of all that, as well as some of my horrific drunken days and nights to remind me of who I no longer want to be. I also have a list of how I want to live my life sober. I find these lists very helpful when I start thinking about just 1 drink…it helps me not pick up that 1st drink…cuz we all know where that leads.
You do not have to feel like this ever again.
6 Likes
I’m very sorry you relapsed. And I’m very sorry you’re feeling so low. I promise you will feel better.
Lots of folks have you some advice before. Do you think you’re willing to give it a go? As I’ve said before it isn’t easy (no one can claim it was) but it is simple (if you let it be).
5 Likes
I can only do my best. I’m going to see a doctor tomorrow
4 Likes
How did it go with your doctor? (sorry if you posted elsewhere)
3 Likes
She wanted me to take anti depressants which I refused but i have to go and see a mental health worker. They also said about taking kalms to help with sleep and going to seek help through aa. I don’t feel I want to go down that route as I’m ashamed of what has happened.
1 Like
I’ve been on antidepressants before. They really do help and then when I got to a point in my life to where I was happy with myself, I slowly took myself off of them. As far as AA goes, I get it. I would find someone to talk to about what’s going on in your life and just keep coming back to this app for accountability.
2 Likes
Oh, I so understand that feeling. I don’t have a lot of experience with AA yet but from what I’ve seen there is absolutely NO ONE that will judge you. I have been going to Open Speaker meetings…so each meeting there is one person who shares their story. I’ve heard some stories that I can relate to on so many levels and last night there was one that was SOOOO foreign to me it was shocking. I mean it was a really rough story. And listening to it I had this feeling like she has probably experienced a lot of judgement out in the world but the one place where she can share her story with zero shame is in the rooms of AA.
My therapist suggested that I go to 5 open speaker meetings to see how I like it. I’ve now been to 4 and I LOVE it. I’m still a little lost and confused about the program but I know enough that I don’t want to stop going.
I am torn on your anti-depressants refusal. As people with addictions I can see not wanting to take ANYTHING that could potentially be a mind altering drug. I know I don’t want to take anything stronger than coffee these days. But remember that if you are chemically imbalanced you NEED to get re-balanced to be able to tackle the addiction. Still, if you don’t want to do it yet make sure you are doing something else instead. Try yoga and meditation. At least it those can help you to learn to listen to your body and your mind to discover what it is you are in need of.
Good luck and keep us posted.
4 Likes
I don’t want to take anti depressants and numb myself, it’s not the way for me, at least I don’t think it is yet. I’m not a believer in God or some higher power either. I can only believe in myself to make the right moves to get myself to where I need to be. For now I’m just going to be on here reading other people’s stories and hopefully take advice.
Just remember that it is “God of your understanding”. For me it is Mother Nature. Or maybe even Kodama.
And believe me, it has taken a long time to put a word to what I was feeling was my “higher power”. Be open. Don’t just accept what someone else says is their higher power, but be open to trying to figure out what yours may be. Even the strongest athiest must admit there is some amazing and awe inspiring things in this world. The Northern Lights can be explained with science but it doesn’t make it any less inspirations.
1 Like
I have found that AA is the only place where I don’t feel shame. AA has taught me to clean up all the wreckage from my past as well.
3 Likes
I’ve always had a negative veiw to “anti depressants” when I saw the Dr recently he suggested I try them . The type he suggested are the same that my daughter is on. She says that they have really helped her anxiety. So I am thinking about it. Even just short term to help me through.
Same with the therapist. He has suggested CBT. I know people on here who done it and say it helps.
At the end of the day, like I said the other day you don’t need to do this on your own.
3 Likes
Each to their own, at this moment in time I’m not interested in taking prescription drugs or doing meetings. I’m just going to keep checking in here for now.
3 Likes
That’s cool Ady. No worries. There are plenty of people who do it in their own. @Yoda-Stevie for one.
As I said the other day I’m not using anything apart from this forum.
But I am not discounting other options either.
This forum has helped everyone reach out so continue using it. It does work.
1 Like
If it’s enough for today, then it’s enough. If it’s not enough for tomorrow, then there are options. I have promised myself that I will always take the next step, for me it’s AA, should I relapse. Better to escalate than to surrender.
Day 423, and my will, the love of family, martial arts, and this forum have been enough.
6 Likes
Honestly…just do what you gotta do to stay sober. No one else can tell you what that is.
3 Likes