What Yoda said. Don’t give up, if it fails try again…I tried and failed, I tried something different and I failed , I am attending AA now…
I can and can’t say much,it’s been only 6 meetings and it packs a punch, no judgment that’s for sure. And you see people who have been sober for a long while…
The thing I am grateful the most, I didn’t die on any of these steps that took me to get here… And I was close many times…
First off your life is not shit. Most of us have relapsed, it happened so get up brush self off and move on. I have relapsed alot and I am finally passed day 3 or 4 and on day 23 today. I would relapse and I didnt stop after it. I finally realized I’m an alcoholic, I know I cant have 1 or 2 beers, and mostly I’ve learned from this group I’m not alone. Everyone is diffrent on how to stay on track. Me personally I stay busy bu watching movies, house chores, and collecting baseball cards. Reach out to someone and use this group it’s very beneficiary
Anti depressants dont numb you the replace the chemicals in ur brain that u are lacking and that’s what makes you feel that way. People get confused that they will be zombies or numb on them but they can actually help u get to a much more stable state of mind and that its self can give you much more get up and go to receive other treatments like talking therapy or CBT and DBT that can help challenge thought patterns. Trust me I know I have thought just like u but I got so low I had to try take them as I’d tried to take my own life I was willing to try anything. Since then I’ve been able to slowly feel better, do more take care of myself better and get other help. Dont shut the door on anti depressants they can save lives xx
Well said. I never understood where people get the idea that anti depressants numb you. Probably from a movie.
Do you think that’s going to be enough? Even for people like @Yoda-Stevie who work their own program they do a lot more than just check in here. This site is great and all but unless you are doing some footwork outside of here you are going to end up with the same results you’ve already gotten.
At the present time I’m not sure what is best. Too many thoughts and none being processed. I can at least try and do this my way. Just reading some of the stories on here and other people’s thought processes is helping me in my way of thinking and trying to deal with my many issues. Appreciate all the comments 
That’s how I started out. Lived on here. 90 days in I got my butt to AA. Looking back, I wish I went sooner
The thought of it all freaks me out to be honest
I went to 5 AA meetings the first day…bawled in my car and drove off…cried all the way home…never went in…did that 5 times…and I am not one to cry
You know what…once you get into one, you will feel like you always belonged…atleast I did…
@Addictive. You never have to go thru this again, just one day at a time. In my early recovery, I played the victim role so easily. Now, I try to be a responsible adult, kind, caring and less selfish by doing things to help other people. It takes what it takes and you can do this. Keep in touch and don’t drink today. Tomorrow will be here soon enough. Today is all we’ve got to worry about. 
That makes it sound worse. I don’t think I can handle it.
Once you work up the courage to go in, you will never look back
What I meant was that I was scared too…the AA meetings didnt make me cry…my fear did
It’s not just been alcohol. If I can’t get alcohol I get whatever I can get my hands on. Gambling cost me everything the drugs was the cover up.
I’d listen @Thirdmonkey. He’s one of the best AA success stories going. He felt exactly like you did at first. Then he went to AA and has been crushing it ever since.
Seriously, I’m getting anxious now thinking about it. Appreciate your thoughts though. Maybe one day I will try this option, just not now
I was in the same spot. It’s hard to do. Every AAer here will support you. It took being texted by a good friend the day I went to get me to go. She knew I needed it.
AA meetings are now something I look forward to.
No growth happens inside your comfort zone. The most you can hope for inside your comfort zone is “same”.
Here’s my program
Structure: up at 4am every day. Workout minimum of 45 minutes, many days 90 minutes. In the shower at the same time. At work at the same time. Martial arts class 3-4 times a week. In bed at same time. Read the word and pray daily. Attend services regularly. Read something challenging Sunday evenings through Thursday evenings. No TV during the week.
Accountability: I engage here daily. 423 days, without fail. I am open and honest with my wife.
Health: work out. Eat healthy. Take supplements. No OTC medicine whatsoever.
Mind: I fill it with good stuff. I listen to podcasts and read history, books about martial arts.
Spirit: commune throughout the day with my HP. Never pass up a chance to spend with family. Time with friends is doing active stuff.
So, yeah, you can do it on your own, but you gotta have a plan. You gotta have every minute of the day spoken for, before it begins. You have to have a plan for how to deal with bad days. You have to have people who honestly care about you, who can lift you up when you are shaken.
If I had stayed in my comfort zone, I’d just be a dry drunk, if I could manage not to drink. I decided I wanted to be better.
Now I am better, and I’m gonna keep getting better at getting better each and every day.
That sounds a bit militant to me but I get where your coming from and if it works for u don’t stop. I just need time to find my way and I know it’s going to be hard. Just have to see what life throws in my direction and deal with it the best I can
So I gotta ask. What exactly are you willing to do to get sober?