Hey there. Welcome here! Yes, I know well what you describe. Apart from the prominent job lol, I didn’t make it that far. I spent years in that dumpster fire of mental illness, family dysfunction, contemporary traumas piling on top of each other cos I was so goddam miserable I couldn’t look after myself.
Here is what you have to do:
Get sober.
Stay sober.
Open up to your psychologist/therapist. Therapy cannot work and cannot help you as long as you’re drinking or using. That Out, that shitty alternative to life prevents you from really getting access to your emotions, understanding what you need in your life and how you can change it to get better. Sobriety first, therapy second. Hit them both hard. Or rather: put in the work with the most open heart you can.
Here are things that helped others on here get and stay sober: Resources for our recovery
Here is some invaluable advice: Your #1 tip for sobriety (over 2 years sober)
Also use the 
up top to search for relevant keywords and discussion for you. Information and relating to others is absolute key.
Good luck. No matter how shitty you feel: you are not alone in it. 