I relapsed last night. I think it’s just because I dont want to feel anymore. The irony is it doesn’t help. Just makes things worse. Dealing with heartbreak, family/relational trauma, abandonment, drug (legal and illegal) and alcohol abuse, depression, dysphoria and suicidal ideation.
I cannot seem to move on. I feel no joy or happiness. I don’t want to wake up. My last attempt was three weeks ago.
I have friends and a support system. I see a psychiatrist and psychologist. I hold down a prominent position/job and no one at work would know a thing. I’m exhausted from pretending I’m ok. I don’t know where to go from here. I’m worried for what I might do to myself and every day is a struggle that never gets better.
Anyone out there who has felt this way or gone through these things - I really need advice…
I’m sorry you are hurting so bad. Keep hydrated and be kind to yourself. Maybe have a bath to comfort yourself. Get sleep, we heal while we are sleeping. If you are suicidal please contact the helpline. You are not alone. Sending you hugs
I just wanna start this out by saying I’m glad you’re still here with us. I don’t know you but I’m glad you’re still reaching out for help. I’ve been through a lot and I’ve felt a lot of the same things you listed in your post, not all but most importantly I have battled with severe depression and a strong desire to end my life for many years. Addiction was a big part of it, and I wanna say as well that while a relapse is hard to deal with it isnt the end of your journey, and you should be proud of yourself for not giving up.
I know you’ve probably heard all the generic advice (which is good advice but always easier said than done), but one thing that’s helped me pull myself through each day is adopting some mantras that I repeat to myself obsessively, like to a point where I feel crazy. But that feeling of craziness as a result of muttering to yourself, “Everything is gonna be alright, This too shall pass, The only way out is through” that feeling is way better than the self-talk we get into when we’re deep in the pit. That and trying my best to get a few minutes of sunlight every day, try to get at least one small happy conversation with someone (in person, on the phone, online, it doesnt matter, AA or NA meetings are a great place for this). Out of all that, the most important part is to please keep pressing forward, and try your best to take it one day at a time. Don’t forget to reach out to communities like this one too, there are a lot of great people on here with better advice than mine who all wanna be a lifeline and carry the message of hope to the sick and suffering.
Honestly not one for much advice as these are merely suggestions, you may or may not want to discuss these with your support system as well, maybe taking a look at new interests or hobbies, reworking your routine, do things that keep your focus elsewhere towards something positive and/or progressive that helps keep you grounded through this, key is identifying what works and helps and sticking to it, stay true to yourself, dont be afraid to reach out and ask for help if you feel its absolutely necessary or getting to that point. Am working on this currently as well your not alone all we can do is stay focused on the present currently, hopefully you don’t beat yourself up as much as I have tended to in the past learned the hard way that doing so does not help anything get better as the days go by
Oh boy i was exactly where you were! I had things to lose but i “had nothing to lose” i tried aa 3x a week for a month and i found these people were happy and i wanted to be happy. I didnt want whatever it was i was feeling. The support of aa and this community right here helped me solve my alcohol problem. Without alcohol i found my mental health meds worked better. My self esteem and mental health recovered and im happy for the first time in like 20 years.
Try to commit to 30 days of sobriety and a recovery program. You can always be refunded your misery
Yes, I’ve been exactly where you are. What you are describing is not to be taken lightly. I’m glad you have both a therapist and psychiatrist. Do they know about your suicidal ideation? My therapist got me checked into Sierra Tucson for a major depressive disorder. I had already made one attempt at suicide and didn’t have another in me. Your job will understand, as the reality of the situation is so dire not getting help would mean no job anyway. I’m so glad you checked in. Please get help. It’s amazing what they can do to get you turned around and on a path to recovery.
Exactly that. it’s trying to solve stuff on our own. And it doesn’t work. We need others. We need each other. Find your peers and let them help. I found my equals, my brothers and sisters, right here. People find them in aa, na, recovery dharma, smart, other peer support groups. Wherever, just as long you do. Nobody can do it alone. Indeed that path, relapsing and trying to do it alone, leads to suicide. I know the feeling.
Don’t hesitate to talk about your suicidal ideations too. To professionals. To your close ones. To whoever might help. This is about your life. All else comes second now. You need to live. Stay in contact. Don’t try to go it alone. We’re in this together.
Hey there. Welcome here! Yes, I know well what you describe. Apart from the prominent job lol, I didn’t make it that far. I spent years in that dumpster fire of mental illness, family dysfunction, contemporary traumas piling on top of each other cos I was so goddam miserable I couldn’t look after myself.
Here is what you have to do:
Get sober.
Stay sober.
Open up to your psychologist/therapist. Therapy cannot work and cannot help you as long as you’re drinking or using. That Out, that shitty alternative to life prevents you from really getting access to your emotions, understanding what you need in your life and how you can change it to get better. Sobriety first, therapy second. Hit them both hard. Or rather: put in the work with the most open heart you can.
All the advice here
I just wanted to share that we all relapse but the opportunity to stay sober is always there, each and every time we stumble we can get back up. I’ve been trying to stay sober for a decade, I got sober again in 2021, for most the year, stumbled and relapsed 7 times straight before I dusted myself off and tried again last year, and now I’ve got nearly a year sober again. I just kept trying, and you can too. I promise it can get better if you just keep at it. One day at a time
up top to search for relevant keywords and discussion for you. Information and relating to others is absolute key.
