Heavy Drinker vs. Alcoholic

Life in Recovery
1

Interested to hear from and connect with people who feel like they fall into the heavy drinker rather than alcoholic category (if you’re a believer in that delineation). I’ve been a heavy drinker for 30 years, a few months here and there of sobriety, then last fall after a few months of sobriety I scared myself to death by binge drinking so badly I had to go to the hospital because I was throwing up for two days and was severely dehydrated. That was the first time I ever missed work because of drinking. That was a huge wake up call.

The thing is, quitting drinking isn’t that hard for me. It’s a habit and a problem but not a full-on addiction. The first three days at 5 pm I think, ooh, I would like a glass of wine, but after that I mostly stop thinking about it.

For me, my drinking is just dumb. Yes, it’s an escape, yes, there’s trauma, but in the end I wind up thinking more about how just plain dumb it is to drink so much when I don’t suffer or struggle much without it.
I mostly drink because it’s fun, or I’m lonely. I don’t turn to booze if I’m stressed or triggered. Yesterday I had a really crummy thing happen with my family and I noticed how it didn’t make me want to drink…
Anyway, just interested in meeting other heavy drinkers who know they could beer into full on alcoholism but this far haven’t.
(Note: please don’t jump in and tell me I’m just an alcoholic in denial. Trust me: I’ve talked with plenty of professionals and alcoholics in recovery and done a ton of reading: I don’t qualify. This post isn’t a request for diagnosis.)

5 Likes
3

If you answer NO to either of these questions your probably past the heavy drinking stage,
1- Could you stop drinking today and never have another one for the rest of your life?
2- When you have a drink can you have just one and stop without it bothering you?

6 Likes
4

Welcome to the club :wink:

2 Likes
5

The thing is alcoholism can only diagnosed by the alcoholic themselves. So if you feel you are not an alcoholic then maybe you aren’t.

But does the label matter? All that matters is if you want to stop drinking or not.

I wonder why you are looking for people who think like you. Is it to find others who can understand what your experiences are or is it to look for reasons why you don’t need to quit? I don’t ask that as a criticism. It really isn’t my business what you do. I only mean that it is important for you to look inside of you and determine what your long term goals are. Honesty with ourselves is the only way for us to succeed…whatever success means to you.

9 Likes
6

Welcome! For me, ‘alcoholic’ just never felt like the appropriate fit. Heavy drinker didn’t either. I was a binge drinker for more than 40 years. Alcohol abuser, substance abuser…these felt more tied to my personal experience of bingeing and drinking or drug use.

And yes, drinking definitely progresses to some incredibly scary, life threatening places if we continue.

I will add that as a binge drinker I could often go a couple of weeks without drinking and did so off and on for decades. That didn’t change the fact that my relationship with alcohol was killing me…body mind and spirit.

Getting off that hamster wheel of a half life and giving sobriety a shot has changed my life 100% for the better. All that angst, shame, anxiety, feeling like death, praying for death and on and on and on. That was all residual from drinking and its lingering effects in my body.

For me, I knew 100% what drinking was offering me, what my life would continue to be, how I would continue to feel…physically and emotionally. What I had NO CLUE about was how I would feel sober for longer than a couple of weeks or a month or two. And man, it is a whole new world of expansiveness, self confidence, self esteem, physical health and so much more.

Label or no, putting down the drink, letting go of that escape hatch, facing and living life head on…wow…just wow…it is so incredibly powerful and affirming.

I know what the bottle holds for me and I am grateful each and every day that that half life is over and I am truly living now (and yes, still facing life’s challenges, but clear and able). And of course I am grateful for this community that guided and supported and listened as my journey began and continued.

So…welcome fellow problem drinker! What now? :heart:

26 Likes
7

Well by your description, that makes me a “heavy drinker” not an “alcoholic”.

Label it however you want.

It still only goes in one direction.
(And it ain’t up).

9 Likes
9

I know I need to quit simply because I’d feel better, both physically and emotionally. Just interested in meeting people in that gray area of drinking more than they want to and becoming sober but not a clear cut alcoholic.
I’m 20 days in and feel fine. No serious cravings, no problems being around family members who are drinking, no issues with it at all.

5 Likes
10

You always have a great way with written words, Sassy! This helped me a lot this beautiful morning. Thank you.

2 Likes
11

I’m a full blown, live under the bridge, pawn the tv type of alcoholic and addict. I’ve been sober for almost 3.5 years. If a low bottom like myself can use the tools of AA to get, and stay, sober, then surely they can work for you. I’m not interested in diagnosing you, but if you want to quit, and stay quit, I have some experience there

12 Likes
12

I always associated the term alcoholic with someone who is physically dependent/ addicted and would experience withdrawal symptoms. I don’t fall into that category. My relationship with alcohol was problematic though, like @SassyRocks I would call myself a binge drinker, rarely going more than a couple of weeks without a blackout drinking session.

Really though it’s all semantics. Yea I didn’t have to go through withdrawal. But staying quit over the long term has required a reassessment of my relationship with alcohol. And I have found that the things that work for ‘proper alcoholics’ are also the things that have so far worked for me - i.e. abstinence, a sober support network, an honest appraisal of the reasons why I drank and the impact of my drinking, becoming more mindful, healthier living and a change in mindset that has resulted in alcohol being something that I don’t miss or fall back to.

There are a wide range of people on the forum, with a range of drugs of choice, background, definition of rock bottom. The thing that I’ve found most helpful has been to look for the similarities rather than the differences. It always amazes me just how much in other people’s stories I can relate to and learn from, even when they have very different lives to mine. Hope you can find what you’re looking for here! :pray::sparkling_heart:

23 Likes
13

This a good question because I feel very much like you. Im a lightweight so it doesn’t take alot to get me pissed and so ive never been the type to neck whiskey or vodka by the bottle day after day, however, I was sucker for strong cider like 8-9 % stuff and would drink at the most inappropriate times. I’ve no qualms to say problem drinker, binge drinker, antisocial drinker, yes yes yes all day long, but alcoholic? I’d say no. And that’s not because I just don’t like the term, if it applied I’d take it on, but when Ive quit in the past it felt like I was in the habit of sobriety rather than the habit of drinking, and although I had cravings for it, then were no stronger than the cravings I get to do other things I told myself I enjoyed like having sex for example, or eating a nice steak, or getting a Greggs pastry when I’m hungry in town and I walk past the bakery.

I found it hard to relate to people who said their cravings were absolutely white knuckle rides because mine were more just a strong inclination, and they faded rapidly, but everyone is different and so I took what I could learn from others , left what didnt help behind and moved on with my life.

I think there is a distinction between the two, others will argue all day long about it, but what we will certainly agree on is that if it’s taking more from you than its giving, and if the fun stops, then it’s time to change and move on.

Mine was a habit, not an addiction, but the distinction is meaningless when your trying to stay off it for the rest of your life.

7 Likes
14

I second SIAND in that point made about what works for the seasoned alcoholic will also work for the less severe case. What matters is your commited to sobriety and Your dedication to see it thru.

3 Likes
15

Have you tried doing the challenge and book the “Alcohol Experiment”. That book is an exploration of one’s relationship with drinking. I am also going to try Sober Curious after listening to the European podcast Sober Curious. I have had questions about my drinking too and I don’t put labels to it. For me I am going to try to stay sober as long as I can while I do my self exploration and self study.

4 Likes
16

Best of luck to you on your journey. My advice would be to accept your reality. Throw the labels away. Does alcohol cause you problems? If so the solution is simple, if not why are you on a sobriety forum? Honesty is key. Once again best wishes and welcome.

12 Likes
17

Thank you.

18

It’s just semantics indeed. If drinking is a problem, not drinking is the solution. With any help possible and needed. For me that’s the end of it.

10 Likes
19

You’re trying to justify your drinking. I was a massive binge drinking coke head that went off the rails on the weekends. Weekdays were strictly work days and I mostly never drank then. So, by your definition I would have been classified as a Heavy Drinker. It effected my relationships with loved one’s and close family member’s though. I thought I didn’t have a problem neither. But I was only utterly fooling myself.
It sounds to me like you’re in denial here. You jump to one side and say one thing, then jump to the other and say something else. You can’t be both, Capitan. It’s as simple as that. You’re on this App for a reason and you’re still searching for that reason. One day, when you’re heavy drinking catches up to you, I hope you recall this conversation you’re having because you will See. I hope and pray that day never comes but these things are bound to happen. That’s just the nature of this Beast.

3 Likes
22

I like a lot of these comments that say why label it. Whatever you want to call yourself or don’t put a label on anything, just realize even if drinking heavy, binge drinking, doesn’t somehow ruin important relationships, it will eventually kill you earlier than if you quit. I choose my new family and living a long healthy life. Who knows how many years I’ve knocked off my life by being a “heavy drinker” for 27 years now…

8 Likes
23

OMG! Social Blackout Artist! That’s flipping fantastic.

2 Likes
24

If you have to ask yourself whether you are a heavy drinker or an alcoholic, chances are that you are an alcoholic.

leo-cheers

3 Likes