Positive thoughts and manifestations. Fingers crossed for 4!!!
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having a hard time today. Reaaally want a drink and thought about it pretty good. Still thinking about it pretty good. Not gonna, just on my mind. Saying goodbye to relationships and preparing myself for being absent. Adjusting to a new medication, yet again. Exhausted.
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That’s so hard Knives. It’s so hard to have to go through all these changes, all this preparation. Saying goodbye is hard.
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Big hugs friend 
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Sending love and support. Can’t imagine what you’re going through.
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Thank you all I truly hate goodbyes. Especially when it comes to romantic relationships, but I know it’s for the best for both of us.
Here is a poem I wrote yesterday :
I want to see my plants blossom and grow tall and healthy and happy and strong before I give them away
So I can admire their tenacity and live vicariously through their newly sprouted leaves
I want to kiss as many daisies and malaise in lilac and summer soil
Soaking desperate touch I’ll thank the mosquitos for attention
I will languish in blood loss from love and heartache and I will suck the honey from the comb and relish the sting from the bees who try to thwart me
I’ll drain my veins with dagger laden roses and I’ll sit in the milky red like their fragile petals
Where can I consume the moon that maps the tides that will drown me
Salt and brine down my throat like liquor
Soon I will taste cement
Dried on my tongue
Callouses over my fingers that try to reach you but never get close enough
I will lock my rotten jaw til it falls from my face
Crumbles to dirt where I’ll keep my teeth
Stringent I’ll wrap my brain like wire and choke it like a noose
We will be dancing ghosts on metal bedposts
and I will be the nostalgic smell
of cigarettes on your clothes
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If you want to have a pen pal let me know; I’ll write if you’d like. I’m sure others would too. 
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I would absolutely love that. When I figure out where I’m going I’ll make a post with my information
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Brilliant idea!
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I have 1y1m off the blow today. 
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How are things Knives?
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August 13th is my sentencing date. Trying to find meaning in everything. Trying to tie up loose ends, spend time with loved ones, become comfortable with where I am in life and where I’m going. I read Man’s Search For Meaning by Viktor Frankl which was beautiful and has helped me with spiritual perspective. Just trying to fight my anxieties and stay afloat
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That is a wonderful book. I am reading it myself right now. It is thoughtful and humorous and reflective. I am appreciating it very much 
There is a lot on your plate right now. Take care of yourself and be kind, to yourself. You’re a good person.
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Great, please let us know.
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One year of me being on the forum! Just want to thank everyone who has been a part of my journey. Having a pretty rough go of things lately. Want to go into detail but I’m irrationally (?) paranoid the cops are stalking my social media and will use what I say against me at my sentencing lol.
Having an actual sentencing date is stressing me the fuck out. They have me on Valium (which, am I even allowed to claim clean time for that?) I don’t even know anymore. I need to get more active on the forum again. I need a recovery community. My indifference as of late is fucking me up. Still seeing my rehab sweetie who is still clean and that’s about the only sober support I get. Shits hard, yall. Thanks for being here.
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Sorry to hear things have been rough Knives. I know it’s been a rollercoaster, especially in the last few months.
If you want to vent feel free to PM me; I’m happy to listen.
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Sorry to hear you’re struggling Knives. I wish there was something I could say or do to ease your mind. The strength you’ve shown throughout your ordeal is admirable. Sending you a big hug. 
My opinion on Valium…I think you’re still clean since it’s taken under physician orders/supervision.
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Always nice to see you checking in Knives! I think it’s a good idea to become more active on the forum, you can make some connections and know you are understood by at least some ppl here (that’s how I feel at least).
I feel you on the paranoia and stressedoutness. I’ve never gone through any of what you’ve experienced but I have really bad anxiety, so, I can imagine what that’s like.
Keep an eye on the valium. Don’t want that to cause you any problems. But I’m happy you got them as a help.
Sending you so much strenght and support!
Any more poems lately?
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I’m not the league umpire, calling balls, and strikes, but from where I sit in the stands: if “they” are medical professionals, licensed to prescribe drugs, and you take them only as prescribed, than yes, you can claim clean time.
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