Some months ago, I started a Topic under my old account, which has now been fully deleted. All the responses have gone too. It’s such a shame as the responses really helped me on my journey, and I would often re-visit the thread.
I started the topic when someone had responded to me saying my ego was getting in my way. I was upset and confused. I was so down and thought I had no ego whatsoever. I kept quiet and over the following weeks I started to see more references to ego. I then created the topic asking forum members to explain it to me.
The responses were awesome and provided so much clarity. Now they are all gone.
If you have the time, inclination and patience, can I ask the question again?
What does the term ‘ego’ mean when it comes to addiction and recovery? How does it hinder our journey to sobriety?
For me, ego is the thing that tries to keep me chronically unique. It’s the voice that says, “I’m not THAT bad.” It’s the thing that keeps me seperate from everyone else, the thing that keeps me isolated or feeling different. The word ego is often used in reference to feeling better than or above, but that’s only a tiny sliver of what it actually is.
Ever think, I don’t need to do this because I’m like that? Or think people’s suggestions don’t apply to you, when they probably do? That’s ego at work.
Here is an example, a pretty obvious one. I always drank in the bar the last 3 years of active addiction. I saw a lot of people who were way worse off than I was. I never understood why they kept drinking when it was such a huge issue for them! I wasn’t that bad! EGO! I couldn’t look in the mirror and see that stuff for myself, because I was different, I was special. EGO!
I still struggle with ego everyday, mostly in the way of thinking I’m so different that certain things don’t apply to me. While it’s true that some things actually don’t apply to me, most of the other things do.
I’m actually taking a 3 day weekend from work right now because ego has become an issue. I keep thinking and acting like things won’t continue to run unless I do it all. That I am the center of it all. That I have to work a hundred times harder to get things done RIGHT. The last part is kinda true, but who am I to try and take it all on? I’m only human, I only have 2 hands, I can only do so much. And I’ve been doing too much, which is making me cranky and resentful. It’s not my place to do that, but I’m making it my place. My ego is running rampant and its causing extra stress. Shut the fuck up ego! I caught you! Now it’s ME time!
This is ME! Thank you SO much for this response. This really hit home. Ego sucks and I have a gigantic one. It’s a pain in the ass, I feel like what you said about work. It impacts life with my family and in laws. I resent, hate and get angry and fly off the handle a lot when I shouldn’t people are nothing but nice to me and I am a big jerk. That’s my ego… I really need to work on it. BIG TIME. I stopped drinking 92 days ago and here comes my EGO like you forgot about ME! Well, I won’t let you forget ME!
You’re welcome / Thank you @SobahCobra79. I’m still gutted that the original topic was removed (just so that the patron badge could link to my new account, rather than my ‘Anon’ account… if I’d know that was going to happen, I would have left everything as it was). The original had over 100 posts under it. It took reading about 15 of them for me to understand the Ego thing. I then named mine Godzilla. I still struggle with it every day, which is why I wanted to get posts on it.
I am very grateful for the responses here. It gives me information to reflect and work on.
Oh my gosh! You said it so simply and perfectly!! I feel like my ego is terminal uniqueness. I am so unique that somehow I won’t experience the same consequences as others.
The funny thing about the negative side of my ego is that it generally only comes out with work. Outside work I’m just a normal person with normal(ish) problems. Outside of work my ego is healthy and balanced. Hell, at work, with customers, my ego is healthy and balanced. It’s when my employees do things differently than I like to do them, or my kitchen supervisor (who is supposed to be my peer) doesn’t do the right things, that my ego explodes. Part of my problem is that I’m middle management in a restaurant and there is no clear definition in my responsibilities or position. So instead of trying to wait for instructions I just take everything out of everyone else’s hands and make it my own. Even with the GMs!
Now that I’ve taken that break I’ve got a much clearer head, most of the time. It also helps that one of my GMs has started sending me to another store when they are short on cooks. It puts things into perspective. My store is way better off than the other stores and I don’t need to be there all the time. This is my doing, and I am super proud of it, but it is also the great staff I have. My ego deserves a bit if pride, but that doesn’t mean I have to let it take over.
@Fargesia_murielae mask analogy very relevant to me. I run a machine shop, have been the past three years. My work ego is high while inside my personal ego or confidence is low. After years of therapy both solo and with my wife I decided I’m done with that and going to continue reading books on the subject. Fascinating topic. I look forward to reading more.
In my experience, ego and pride have had both positive and negative impacts on my life. In healthy ways, they’ve driven me to accomplishment. In unhealthy amounts, they’ve prevented me from working on areas of my character where I was/am weak, asking for help when needed, or worst of all, admitting or accepting that I am wrong.
Each day I pray for humbleness, so that I am not painfully humbled when I fall from heights of ego. I try to remember that there’s a fine line between self-confidence and hubris. I’m not always successful, but think that in this area, I am indeed getting better at getting better.
This was such a helpful thread to me, as is the one I’ve linked below, which is also around ego & addiction. Anyone with some additional thoughts you might like to add, to keep a constructive conversation going?
