I am struggling get through day one. There’s always alcohol around, even though I dont want that to be an excuse, it tempts me. I have had over 45 days sober, then I get happy, and ofcourse it triggers my brain that says “when your happy, you celebrate with alcohol” and I am defeated. I’m at a loss right now. I always say stay positive and as long as I an trying I will make it. But I am defeated. Tired of struggling every day and have every day revolve around drinking or not drinking.
I cant get my life going because of this. And I just feel like giving up. Like why work, why raise my son when I’ll end up ruining him? I dont pay my Bill’s even though I have the money bc I’m drunk all the time. I binge on food and make stupid purchases that are just impulsive. I dont have any real relationships with people and I’m I dont know what to do and I feel like I’m in a downward spiral being sucked into a black hole sadness and defeat is me. It’s not the new year I wanted.
Hey, sorry to hear you’re struggling but you’re here and it sounds like you’ve got some ideas as to why you want to get sober. You’ve done 45 days before, you can do it again! I guess the thing to remember is this, how you’re feeling right now… This doesn’t seem like a very good way of celebrating anything to me.
What have you tried so far? There are so many different things from recovery books and podcasts, AA or SMART meetings, exercise, meditation, that can all help get you on your way.
Don’t know if you have found this thread yet but would definitely recommend having a read:
Try not to put too much pressure on yourself because of the new year too. It can be helpful to use annual milestones as points of reflection/goal setting etc but really it’s just another day. And all we need to do is keep going one day at a time ️
When I was drinking, I celebrated, mourned, grieved, relieved stress etc all the same way. It becomes a habit, then a crutch, then a wheelchair that we are strapped into.
What has helped my mindset is that I decide with each craving not to have that one. I don’t focus on the rest of my life when it comes to sobriety. It’ll be there when it is.
It can be the new year you deserve. You deserve to be happy. We have to stop thinking that when we do something good or feeling accomplished that we want to ‘celebrate with alcohol’. It’s such a shitty feeling. Our children deserve the best of us. It has taken me years to realize that. It’s sad, but true. Just take it one day at a time. Just get through each day not drinking. Dont think about tomorrow until it arrives. Go to bed sober. Put your son to bed sober. Get a job, pay your bills and get on the right track. You can do this. We can all do this!!
It absolutely can happen for you. How did you get 44 days before? And what happened that led you to go back out? For me, it’s all about having a plan for cravings, bad days, anxiety…Mondays…whatever might prompt me to drink. Bad day? I’m going to read here, call a sober friend, and go to a meeting. Good day? Same plan. I finally learned that, while it may not be my fault that I have this disease, it is my responsibility to manage it. I don’t stay sober by wishing to be sober. I have to work at it every single day. Does it get easier? Yes. Am I cured? No - and I never will be.
You absolutely can get and stay sober. What will your plan be? You have a whole bunch of folks here who believe in you.️
Thank you for your kindly words @siand. It has been a rough past few months of battling this monster. Thanks for pointing out this thread and for me I realize I do have the tools to quit but I give up on myself. I question My worthiness, as I have all my life. And I cant live like this anymore. I haven’t been living at all.
Great analogy on how addictions take over you. For tonight I will try to just flick away one craving at a time before I go to bed. I used this technique before of “riding the wave” of the craving, which is just a feeling. I have so many tools but when I am in that depression I forget it all.
Talking about faith, I just happen to have bought a candle for maybe some clarity.
Thanks again xo
Hey @AliciaMarie04 you described all that I really wish for everyday. To go to bed sober. Since September I have been unable to do so, but I will fight again today. I have struggled with self worth all myself but if I dont start believing I am worthy, I fear I will die from alcohol.
Thank you for your words @MoCatt. And you make me realize I must stop feeling sorry for myself and start handling things differently. I cant erased that is is how things have been but I have still time to end my life better and live better. I am just tired of fighting everyday, only to give up.
Hello my friend. I know exactly how you feel. I spent 17 years going down that black hole. It is get up and go or keep going down. The year has just begun. Today can be day 1. You have a choice. It is not easy. But it sure is worth it. You have your son. Think about him. You can get up 1 day at a time. Little steps each day. I held down a good job. Paid of debt. Life goes on. It is now 29 years since I had a drink. I say that only to hold out hope to you. You are worth it. Your son is. You are here. That takes courage. Shows honesty. I will believe in you till you believe in yourself. I am here for you Just for today I will be sober with you. Your Friend John.
Thank you for your beautiful words! They are very inspiring. I am worth it ans have failed to realize it. Thank you for the support. I will remember I am worth the struggle of sobriety!
How is it going today? Make it through the night? Hope you wake up ready to give sobriety a sincere chance, at least for today. So many great people on here. Great resources. Try reading “A Naked Mind” or listening to a Recovery Elevator podcast. Those helped me a lot. Go try an AA meeting. They aren’t as scary as you think!
Heyy @Daphne! I am doing well today, I came home with my son, avoid the main avenue going home and I am locked in I have to not give up so easily and I am aware that today is good day, tomorrow might not be. And I have to be resilient. I have heard a naked mind on audible but at that time it didnt anything for me because I was still drinking. Maybe I will give it a try again.
I used to do AA! I did 30 days that time around. It was great but difficult for me because I have a tough time making and maintaining relationships so that made it uncomfortable at times.
Thank you for reaching out to me. How’s it going for you?
sadness and defeat is me. It’s not the new year I wanted.
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thanks