Hey, sorry to hear you’re struggling but you’re here and it sounds like you’ve got some ideas as to why you want to get sober. You’ve done 45 days before, you can do it again! I guess the thing to remember is this, how you’re feeling right now… This doesn’t seem like a very good way of celebrating anything to me.
What have you tried so far? There are so many different things from recovery books and podcasts, AA or SMART meetings, exercise, meditation, that can all help get you on your way.
Don’t know if you have found this thread yet but would definitely recommend having a read:
Try not to put too much pressure on yourself because of the new year too. It can be helpful to use annual milestones as points of reflection/goal setting etc but really it’s just another day. And all we need to do is keep going one day at a time 