It’s hard to focus on ME when I have been focusing on kids for years. It’s really helpful to know that you also had the same kind of issues. I no longer feel alone. It’s incredible. I literally feel like I can fly.
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Your reply really hit home : my sobriety is my responsibility. Thanks. I can control my weight so easily even going for months eating the bare minimum and I can stay all day and night in an exercise room and I run. It may sound strange but I have been able to keep up that stuff alongside drinking. I have so much control over that BUT I need to be able to say “no” to me and to others when it comes to a drink, the pub, an aperitif etc etc I need to be in control of that too. You are so right. Here I go!
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Ah kids, they do keep us busy and not self focused! I remember those years!! I also remember how once my daughter was out of the house my drinking took right off and I also wondered who am I now that I am not mothering 24/7. Big stuff.
You are definitely not alone. I hope you will continue to take care of YOU. 
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I understand. I am an extremely self-disciplined person. Retired US Marine. But drinking was something I couldn’t control. Moderating meant running out of alcohol before I was passed out.
So the only control I have is whether or not I drink. I was losing the fight, until I chose to never drink again. I can attest to this being one of the most freeing moments in my life.
Once initial withdrawal is done,.sobriety is 100% a mental fight, and your opponent isn’t alcohol. Your opponent is you, or rather that part of your being that wants what will ultimately destroy you.
This part is cunning, devious, and persuasive. It will use F.U.D. (fear, uncertainty, doubt) to convince you that booze is your friend. You can have “just one”. You don’t mean “forever”.
I know, because my opponent said the same things. It even appealed to my patriotism: “you served your country in wartime. You’ve EARNED the right to drink.”
I was getting my mental butt kicked every time I said “yes, I will have one drink”. Once I said “no, and I mean forever…” I became free. Never again. No retreat. No surrender.
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Hi. I had the talk and it did not go well. My partner had a tizzy. We went out to dinner and he ordered a big bottle of wine. I had to remind him to get half a bottle. Then he had a fit saying he looked stupid drinking on his own, that if he had met me like this he would never have gone out with me… So when we came back home he went to the wine cellar, locked it and threw the key in the bushes. He said he will have a shitty life now, that we will not share proper meals together, that he will not drink either and that is that. He went so far as to say he’ll get another woman. We have been together for 3 years.
I tried to explain but I am afraid he was not open to exchange so he did not listen. I tried the peanut allergy allegory someone wrote on here but no.
I am shocked but I know he often overreacts so I am going to lay low until tomorrow morning. I was hoping for something else.
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Oh no that is heartbreaking. I’m so sorry for you. I’m also so sorry for him. I feel bad that he can’t see beyond himself in this. Oh well it’s his loss.
This is all about you. It sounds like you will have to find your support elsewhere: in yourself, and in your sober community. Find some meetings:
Online meeting resources
You are not alone, at all. There are many people here who have been right where you are; sadly there are many women here on this forum who have been through what you’ve experienced, or something similar.
Remember: he does not define you. He does not control you, or limit you. You are a good person who deserves a safe, sober life where she can be her full self. Never give up on yourself. Never stop trying. You deserve every minute of sobriety you can find. 
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Maybe you can buy a blowup doll that he can take to dinner. Nice wigs, so he can change the hairstyle according to his mood.
(Too much? Let me know. Sorry… Maybe getting a bit… ahem. Sorry.)
This definitely sounds like a time out needs to be taken from this fast life we may all live. For me I had to separate myself from people that weren’t on the same track I was for at least a month. Then I got a sponsor,did service work, step work from the big book of AA, helped pick up another alcoholic who still suffered. I told my friends and family what I planned on doing so they new if they weren’t for it then I had to separate myself in order to get stronger. Love yourself, set boundaries, know your triggers and avoid them until your ready to face life on life’s terms, stay plugged in to this forum. Focus on restlessness, fear, irritability, and discontent feelings. I used to live off of my emotions now when life knocks at the door I tell it to come on in. We get stronger but its all one day at a time so stay vigilant and keep your eyes open and don’t be scared to get on the forum and tell on your disease. Gd luck we are all here and can relate .gd luck
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He sounds like a man-child. Maybe you might want to consider other options yourself.
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Sorry you had to deal with a toddler mindset.
Maybe he needs to check his attitude and his manners. I wouldn’t put up with that, but that’s me, 
You’re a grown, intelligent woman who doesn’t need his approval or antics when you chose to do something!!
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Hahaha! I know. From internal exasperation I nearly said something similar : we can always bring an escort to dinner who will drink with you and I’ll do the conversation. But I checked myself.
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Thank you for being here and supporting me.
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You and @Yoda-Stevie said it. Yes, I think he is emotionally immature. I am good at trying and putting in an effort when I believe something is worth it BUT I obviously will not stay around if this oppressive behaviour persists. I feel like I am dealing with something huge (sobriety) and I am fighting it from within my head mostly. My partner’s antics are rolling off like water on a duck’s back. So weird. I would have panicked if he had said those kinds of things before. It is now morning and despite him still on the other side of “kind”, I feel safe and sturdy within. Honestly, I feel a spiritual kind of feeling. I hope I don’t sound like I am losing the plot! It must be the effects of not drinking and huge effort.
Thank you all for being here.
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Sorry to hear this didn’t go well.
Personally I’d be thinking seriously about my future here.
Apart from the fact that he sounds so immature he hasn’t even listened to you.
I had a period around the 6 month time when I seriously was thinking about leaving my wife of 28 years because things didn’t seem to be working out.
You have to think of yourself now.
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Yeah, maybe I’ll have to! I was kind of probably aiming to do one thing at a time. Grrrr
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Sorry I just added to my last reply. I had a whole scenario set up with what I was going to do.
My wife was still drinking and she would start arguments with me.
It was definitely not what I wanted.
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Problem with that is if you don’t do both now, it’s going to be hard to stay sober and be happy in a relationship where there is no understanding
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You sound really stable actually! Well done.
You are right, sobriety is a big thing to us. But there is the downside. It rarely matters to other people. And we don’t need our SO’s being so negative.
Keep smiling.
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At least you will have the satisfaction of watching him crawling through the brushes, hunting for the key to the wine cellar. In my mind I see you standing off to the side saying:
“Darling, you must learn to govern your emotions, or they will be your undoing.”
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