Hay everyone haven’t really been on here for a while I think it’s more because I felt like I was irritating everybody by talking about stuff that didn’t really matter to anyone on here because it wasn’t really strictly about recovery
I’m a 26 year old female married to someone that’s addicted to this app which is great in a way but I feel in a way it’s kinda putting a wedge between us and our communication I feel like he kinda speaks more about his journey about his recovery to people on here that doesn’t know him like I do i met this man at his literal lowest built him up from nothing to something
and sometimes I feel like he forgets that I tell him that I wish he would talk to me about everything he goes through so I can help in anyway I can but he says he’s fine but yet he spends a lot of time on here reading and writing what he feels well I’m on the out side wishing he would let me in like he dose with you guys
so I’m ok with this app but I just wish we had better communication you know it’s not on you guys promise but I just need some guidance because maybe I’m missing something that you guys might see or maybe not I don’t know
I think the big question is does he know you are on the app?
I’ve been here for almost 4 years and this place keeps me sober. I do talk over things on here that I wouldn’t talk to my husband about. Just like people probably talk more freely about their issues at an AA meeting than they do to their spouses this place, and the anonymity work for me.
If my husband created a profile because he was trying to get sober I would support that. If he created a profile to see what I was posting I would not feel like I could speak as freely. Which would be a shame because this place keeps me sober. My husband supports me in other areas of my life but this app supports my sobriety.
I’m not sure if that is what you were asking but if it isn’t please ask again. This place is all about communication.
Congrats on a sober spouse. Life is better sober.
Sounds like as a significant other of and addict or alcoholic you might want to try Al-Anon meeting or a group similar to that that deals with loved ones of alcoholics and addicts. They provide a support system that can help you better understand on how to handle live with one of us. Give that a shot and see if it helps.
Yes and no on your question if that’s what I was asking and yes he dose know I’m on here he actually Talks about me on here sometimes about how I support him the only way I know how things like that
and just to clarify he dose read my stuff that I right on here but not all the time
And also I’m like 5 almost 6 years silber He’s actually the one who showed me this website a few years ago said it could help me out when I need it the most
I’m not the greatest at socializing or speaking out about what I want or need but he had help me through out the years I just sometimes feel like I’m not enough or I need to do more to help him with everything and anything he needs because he’s always there for me I just want to repay him for everything he has done for me
In a spirit of love, patience, and quiet understanding, simply share your heart with him. The program I follow in Alcoholics Anonymous speaks directly to this in today’s Daily Reflections: ”Doesn’t my family deserve the same patience, tolerance, and understanding I so readily give to the alcoholic?”
I don’t know what path your husband walks in his recovery, but I do know this, connection is the lifeblood of sobriety.
For me, it was not the love of those close to me, not my mother, not my own father that first reached me, but the kindness of strangers who looked me in the eye and gave me the courage to say, “I need help,” and later, “I am new here.”
If your husband is newly sober, it may take time before he can express those same tender truths to the ones he loves most. I know it took time for me. But grace works quietly, and it always finds its way home.
I do appreciate your kind words but my husband isn’t newly silber he’s been 3 or 4 years silber and he’s doing well at it to and we or connected in a way by sobriety but sometimes I just wonder what kinda wisdom he has hidden in that brain of his like stuff I missed or have not yet to understood because for many years before he met me he tried so hard to get silber but yet couldn’t until he met me
and after I met him and things pretty much the same had happened to me we helped each other get silber but yet sometimes he shuts me out I feel like and who knows I might do the same without realizing it you know
all I want is for him to be able to feel free to talk to me about anything without him feeling like he’s going to be judged because there’s one thing for Shere id never judge him because I know we all have done things that we aren’t proud of and some of them we wish we could go back from but can’t
Have you tried speaking those exact same words to him? They sound open-minded and loving.
I am constantly reminded and what I have learned is this; what I want and what I need can be two entirely different things. Perhaps counseling or outside help, can bridge this gap.
If your husband really does love you he will have no problem talking to you about anything you need.
I think he maybe needs to communicate to you more though. So i think there is that. Work, rest and family life is really hard to balence i think. Especially for a first time parent worker and new to long term sobriety person
Im sure he wont mind you comming on here to help others and even compare your experiences, strengths and hopes with others to help people from absolutely all over the world.
As for being addicted to the app lol
That could happen. Himself needs to ask himself if he is on here so much and for long times that it is getting in the way of responsibility and taking care of himself.
Something i need to communicate to my wife is that we are at a very tough but important part of our relationship. We are new parents with little to no time for oursleves. Quiet time is resting time. I think i need to step.up my game big time and give my wife atleast a hour a day of alone time while i play with the baby. My wife can use that time for anything from focusing on her buissness to just browsing her phone.
Connecting with an online community is different than talking face to face. In my opinion one doesn’t have to compete with the other.
Maybe, if you ask him (without the expectation that he should change his behaviour), why TS is important to him, you might understand him and learn something new about him and his way of staying sober.
Listening to him and validating his way of using TS might bring you closer together.
I’m going through this with my wife and I’m on your husband side of the conflict. I’d love your perspective on how to get my wife to open up more to me. I’m still learning this app and don’t know how to message. If you wanna talk feel free to message me
