I’m not new to the app but I AM new to the community part.
I’ve been trying to quit booze for years and I just keep going back to it. It’s literal poison. So, I recently have been asking myself “why?” The longest period of time I went was 36 days. Then relapsed and had a four day bender. The past three days I went on another bender. But I’m restructuring and coming up with an actual plan. Gonna make a checklist to check every day to try and keep my mind focused.
My last drink was yesterday at noon. In two hours, it’ll mark 3 years since my dear dog passed and it’s making me really sad. I’m at work right now but I’d probably be drinking. Not like I need a reason to drink. But how dare I use my baby girl’s name in order to try and justify turning up a bottle. I’d feel like such a piece of shit if I did that.
Anywho, how often do y’all ask “why” and how many of y’all have figured out the answer? I have found that doing simple things like brushing my hair, making my bed, washing my face, etc on a consistent routine because when I have a schedule, a simple routine, my answer gets clearer and makes it easier to go through the process.
By the time I get off of work, I’ll be at 24 hours. Again. For the 948299274th time. But I think this is it. It makes me emotional (in a good way) to think of my sobriety date being my dog’s anniversary. She was 14. My best friend. My first dog. My world. I’m not gonna try and figure out the “why” just yet. It’ll come to me whenever it’s supposed to happen.
Awe, sorry about your pup I lost my 14yo boy right after a relapse 4 years ago and it still hurts. Still can’t imagine replacing him.
Joining in on the community aspect should help you understand the ‘why’ a bit better. Not sure what you’ve tried so far besides abstinence, but there’s a lot more to it in order to succeed. Reading around here and checking in every day is a good start. Hope to see you around
Hey mate, I recommend having a read or listen to the book, “this naked mind”. She explains the why. And once you know the why, sobriety kind of sticks a bit better. Definitely recommend it. Don’t skip anything, just try and listen to as much as you can each time. I’m in a work vehicle half the day so I got it finished in a few days.
Sorry. Lost my dog December before last and it was incredibly hard.
Routine is good, at least for me, to stay sober. Self care, exercise and cleaning were things I didn’t take care of when I was drinking and it really took a toll on my mental health. I had to get myself out of a bad living environment.
Keep trying. I’ve had 10,000 relapses and 10,001 attempts. This is my longest period of sobriety ever (76 days). I still get a slight urge to drink, rarely, but playing it forward helps a lot. Imagining how sick and tired and depressed I’ll be after those drinks helps me to see it’s not worth it. The beginning is tough but it gets easier. Don’t get complacent though, plenty of times I thought “this is it, my last time”. You need to develop routines that don’t leave room for drinking, get some social support, etc. All important things.
Total mental, physical and spiritual wellness are my new compulsions (well, be careful with letting anything become a COMPULSION). But I pray now (despite not being very religious, it’s one way to reaffirm goals and meditate so I find value). Meditate, focus a lot on eating healthy and working out. I feel so much better, more than I could have imagined while drinking.
I still have low days, still working on periodic depression, anger, apathy, etc you name it. But what I’ve found is that those foul moods don’t typically last more than a day, if that, yet drinking would send me into a week+ long spiral that would take a month+ long recovery.
Hi, you know, I’ve been asking myself “why” for a long time and only when I realized and accepted there is no answer I found the path out. I realized I wasn’t drinking for a reason, or an excuse (everything was a reason and an excuse), I was just drinking. It wasn’t because of a trauma or bullying or death or whatever, it just was. And then I saw clearly that something else has to be done, not just dwelling on the “why”. That’s when things actually started to be fun, I got down on making my own plan (“What is Your plan” post here in the forum). And now I’m free!
So good luck to you, hope this helps a little!
Oh, that’s awesome. Thank you. My nightly commute back and forth to work is an hour and a half. I listen to this podcast “Sober Motivation Podcast” and it’s my saving grace during my work week. But when I have my days off and I get bored, I hit the sauce. I’m about to look that up right now.
I’ve had a LOT of extremely traumatic things happen in my life but the loss of my dog was the worst day of my life. Sorry to hear about yours as well.
I started drinking after I flipped my car on the highway 8 years ago. The PTSD from it had me sleep deprived bc every time I’d drift off, I’d wake up screaming thinking I was hearing metal crunching. So drinking became the thing I did to get “sleep”. Then it just became a habit.
I could be having a perfectly lovely day and be like, “Ah this is nice …… I’m gonna go get a drink.” Like I’m running on autopilot. A few mos ago when I started to ask myself “why are you getting alcohol?” And couldn’t answer, it made it easier to turn around and just go home. Any other time I’d just roll with it and carry on. At first my “why” was PTSD. Now, it’s just habitual. Most of the time I don’t even crave it- I’ll just be bored and it’s something to do.
It’s getting easier to put the bottle down or to not get any but I still struggle at times. I eat too much when I’m drinking and I’ve gained weight over the past few mos and my esteem has been shot all to hell and that has me wanting to drink too full circle. But now I think imma just take more walks when I get to feeling gloomy.
For me, the “why” is simple: I hate my life and the high is the only time I feel good. Except, of course, I often do stupid shit that counteracts it. But it’s still my “why”. Seemingly my only access to dopamine.
The “why” that I ask more now in the past few mos has gone from “why do i drink” to “why do I wanna drink right now”. It’s a way to get my habitual autopilot mode to go to the liquor store when I’m bored and give myself a chance to make a better choice. I’m getting better at it but I still slip. I kinda had some… idk…. Moment, earlier tonight at the beginning of my work shift. I’ve had this app for three years and not once have I checked the “community” option and for some reason I did it tonight. My body is itchy and feeling like tv static bc yesterday was a heavy drinking day and I actually stopped mid drink and dumped a whole bottle out when I told myself I had reached my limit. So, I was sitting at my post and was trying to stop beating myself up for relapsing again and then I randomly clicked on this app and found the community. And I tell ya… I’m glad I did. I don’t feel so bad anymore after reading posts of people struggling with the same things and other folks being so encouraging. I like it here. I found that book and just started the first chapter. and thank you!
I’m sorry that you hate your life. There are moments when I hate mine too (mostly bc of my decision making). I hope we can get to a good place. Hang in there
Hell yeah man. It all makes so much sense. I now feel pity for those who haven’t not yet even realised they have a problem. Hopefully one day I’ll be able to help them through abstinence but for now I’m working on myself
What part of the world you in? I’m in the states and am midway through my shift which means the work the graveyard shift but I’m pretty happy with it so far. It’s a new job.
I feel you on the PTSD. At first I could justify the drinking with recent tragedy. But it didn’t help me to move on. I’m glad you’re here. Talking here helps me a lot.
I just want to say how sorry i am for the loss of ur furbaby. They are like family and its never ever easy to go thru a loss like that.
Routine is crucial for my recovery also. In that routine i also add recovery related tasks in there. For example, reading the recovery daily reflection book, checking in on this forum, prayer, and an online/in person 12 step meeting. When i do these things everyday, it builds that positive habit of focusing on my recovery.
We get a daily reprieve from our addiction and thats why recovery is an every day thing. We really cant take our eyes off of it and get complacent. I notice that when i dont do my recovery related tasks, that thoughts of using get stronger.
Have u thought of what recovery related tasks youd like to add to your routine? Have you ever tried a meeting online or in person? They have helped me tremendously in the past. Wishing u all the best on ur journey!
I’m so sorry for your loss! I’ve lost fur babies and it really is soooo heartbreaking to watch them go. They are little members of our family
The why for me is my drinking led to some dangerous/questionable choices. I could’ve seriously harmed myself or others. It just kept getting worse honestly and was affecting a very important relationship. I’m good at hiding it, a pro really, but it caught up to me.
Checklists are a great idea. Stay busy. Pick up new hobbies. Try things out that you haven’t done while drinking. Have a plan! Keep checking in here.
How you finding the book so far? I also check in on the daily check in thread. It encourages empathy and care for others, a little social networking and also accountability and a journal opportunity for yourself.
I lost my 14yo boy right after a relapse 4 years ago and it still hurts. Still can’t imagine replacing him.
full circle. But now I think imma just take more walks when I get to feeling gloomy.
and thank you!
