First of all thanks for reading this and sorry for any spelling or grammar error, since I am not a native speaker.
So I haven’t had more than two beers in a single day in 3 months, for a total of maybe of 3 or 4 days during that time. At the start of my recovery I wanted to go full clean, but after a few weeks I realized how hard it was, not for me but because of the social pressure. Going strictly sober made me more anxious about drinking than having one beer and avoiding a conversation about my sobriety (which meant I would be required to tell why I wanted to go sober, and potentially either disappointing people or lying).
I am 28 and at the best I could say that I was a light addict: never drank during weekdays, and neither drinking every single weekend. But it was hard for me to justify not drinking when going out with friends. In Spain going sober is particularly rare, especially given the fact that I used to drink in the past.
Because of that, I started wondering how should I count my progress. Should I count it since the last time I had a beer or since the last time I drank more than I have committed to (2-3) beers very sporadically (i.e. a birthday or an important event, that is, once a month or so)?
I feel like I am in control right now, so I find it odd to understate my progress, but at the same time I don’t want to deceive anyone, including myself.
Thank you for your message. What exactly is the reason why you would like to stop drink at all? Is it because when you were drinking you could not stop and you would get drunk too much? Or because you used to have black outs?
It is very important when you decide not to drink to understand yourself and your reasons why you want it. It is very important to love yourself enough that you will respect yourself and all your decissions. Love yourself enough that no pressure will be able to influence your decissions. It calls will power and it is a big reason why many of us are struggling.
We all are facing this ridiculous world where drinking is more normal than to be sober. World where those who decided not to drink are questioned “Why”? And it can feel like we need to give a reason.
You still have an option to say “I do not drink tonight, because I do not want.” And that is all. You can say that alcohol does not make you feel good so you decided not to drink. That is what I always say.
I genuinely believe that I also could manage only few beers now after almost 3 months sober. But why would I do it? I stopped drinking because alcohol caused me blackouts and very unpleasant moments. Alcohol changed me to a different person. And so I decided not to drink anymore. I feel like I do not need it anymore. I can not see any difference between go out and take an non-alcoholic drink . You still go out and you still can enjoy yourself and company of others. If it is the reason why you like to go out.
My main problem was that I used to go out to drink. To get drunk. Where I went or who I went there with was not matter to me as long as there was enough alcohol. Now it changed and some places I used to go I would never visit again. Some people I have met I would never choose their company again.
When you are sober world around you will look different. People will look different. Beside one thing. The world and all the people are still the same. It is you who changed. You will become to know yourself better and if you will be willing to listen you will find out what you really want. And that is the point when you find out that your life improved and how freedom really feels.
Not to be sober for a long time and then become to be sober for a months or so (it is individual) it is life changing thing. But to get there and feel it you must first know if you really want stop drink and to stick with the decision.
It is my opinion Good luck! And remember - it is Your life and nobody will ever live it instead of you.
U can’t say it sober if your drinking 2 or 3 that isn’t sober sorry if that’s harsh but that’s the truth of it. If u are happy with moderation drinking then that’s what it is and if your not and you would like to be sober then you should do that and have no concerns for what anyone else thinks or pressures you to do
This is an abstinence based forum. I don’t think anyone here as had much success at moderation. However, perhaps you are not an alcoholic and can moderate, but if you find that you are drinking more than you want, or you can’t stop when you start, then you might just have a problem with the drink. And once you develop a problem with the drink it usually only gets worse.
“Alcohol has been a problem for me. I am here to make a full recovery”.
That’s what you wrote in your profile… What do you mean by full recovery? Not drinking at all or a little bit? What’s a little bit? And you say alcohol is a problem for YOU. why would it be hard for other people if you stayed sober? Avoiding a conversation about sobriety sounds like you are avoiding to keep your sobriety…
You deceive only yourself…
The society does not care if you drink or not. What matters is you!
Being fairly new here I completely get what you are asking and why… Honestly, when I first installed this app I put the date that I decided to make my change because this was probably one of the most important days of my entire life… After thinking about it a minute I decided to change my clean date to the last day that I actually used, which was three month’s after deciding to make that change (I had hid some destruction in a handbag pocket when I was using and found it later when I was switching bags out for the spring season)… I’m not sure why I didn’t throw it out but that was a HUGE MISTAKE… After being reminded one day of how horrible that I was when I was using I ended up doing the entire line and I even ate the paper that it was folded up in because I wanted to just die… Everyone instantly knew… For me this was a reminder of how easy I can set myself up for failure… But those three months that I went without using was most certainly progress because progress means showing improvement… Just because you slip doesn’t mean you fail completely… I decided not to ever change my goal… But I had to add another intervention if I wanted to be successful… For me that was explaining my situation to those that had me feeling like a failure due to past mistakes… By the grace of God they took my three months clean as progress as well… Even though I knew that they were merely giving up on me because I had failed this once and yet there I was again in a mess that I had created… I’m now almost 600 day’s clean… I’ve determined that if you can be honest to yourself and heal yourself, you can do ANYTHING!!! It sounds to me like you are aware that you have a problem but you’re maybe unsure to what extent and you are trying to cut back because simply quitting is so hard… I think that just admitting that you could have a problem is progress, that cutting back is true effort and putting it completely down when you are able will take you to where you need to be even faster…
@dahran88 - Measure progress 1 day at a time
Helpful tools are - I am not drinking today, find new activities for the first few weeks apart from going out with your drinking buddies eg. Movies, Library, coffee shop
New places to hang out - avoid the ones you drank in the past
Ultimately you get to choose how you use your counter. But I would say that since this is an abstinence forum I would recommend not saying 2-3 beers a day for 100 days is good. It could be good for you but not the forum. Does that make sense???
But I’m not saying you shouldn’t share here or ask questions or anything like that. It’s just tricky to share your progress when as a group we really only count full abstinence.
Ok, now back to your question…I use a few different apps together to monitor my progress. There are ones that allow you to track drinks too. Basically it doesn’t send you back to zero but it does track how many days were alcohol free. The one I have now even allows you to track planned drinks vs unplanned drinks vs no drinks.
I’m sure if you look around you’ll find the right counter for your needs.
Finally…I just want to let you know that you CAN do full sobriety. It seems too hard but that’s because it does take work. Nothing worth having comes without effort. If you do decide you want sobriety there are many resources available to help make it a little bit easier.
Thanks for your comment. As I said, I want to get sober because when I drink I do silly things, because it is bad for me in the long run in terms of health and because it is expensive, too.
The society, and my friends, care about that out of selfishness. Of course, I should put myself first. That’s the reason why I have dramatically cut my drinking.
It is not that easy, is it? Following that reasoning, if my mother thinks I am an alcoholic, then she is thinking about alcohol, which always means she is an alcoholic. Makes no sense.
Thanks for cheering me! Just a quick note: I ‘only’ drank three times in three months, 2-3 beers each. I know this may not sound that much to most of the people here, but to me it has been a great accomplishment. I will try to find the right counter app for me!
It’s always interesting to me when people defend moderation on a sobriety web site. It’s not that you have an “unpopular” opinion. It’s that you are posting about your desire to celebrate your continued, albeit controlled, drinking, on a sobriety website.
Many of us on this site, were never arrested, didn’t lose our jobs and made it to the gym regularly and had no obvious or objectively negative consequences while we were drinking. It doesn’t mean we didn’t have a problem with alcohol. We are here because despite appearing to manage drinking successfully, we knew we had a problem with it.
Many of us on this site have also unsuccessfully tried moderation. If you look through the site, you will find previous posts about moderation as new people join and present moderation as a new-found solution. And then there are often subsequent posts when that controlled drinking is no longer controlled.
Drinking because other people expect you to or want you to or will be disappointed if you don’t, means you are doing something you don’t want to do to accommodate others. Social pressure is no joke. In my experience there are few places that I have experienced greater pressure to do what others want, than in a bar.
One thing I learned since I stopped drinking, is that people who don’t have problems with alcohol, don’t care if you’re not drinking. The only people who gave me a hard time when I quit, were those who had their own issues with alcohol. My quitting highlighted their own feelings of guilt and concern about their own behaviors.
I’m glad you joined the site and hope that you will stick around and can benefit from the collective wisdom on this site.
Good luck! And remember - it is Your life and nobody will ever live it instead of you.
Honestly, when I first installed this app I put the date that I decided to make my change because this was probably one of the most important days of my entire life… After thinking about it a minute I decided to change my clean date to the last day that I actually used, which was three month’s after deciding to make that change (I had hid some destruction in a handbag pocket when I was using and found it later when I was switching bags out for the spring season)… I’m not sure why I didn’t throw it out but that was a HUGE MISTAKE… After being reminded one day of how horrible that I was when I was using I ended up doing the entire line and I even ate the paper that it was folded up in because I wanted to just die… Everyone instantly knew… For me this was a reminder of how easy I can set myself up for failure… But those three months that I went without using was most certainly progress because progress means showing improvement… 