How to get sober with a drinking spouse

[Country]

I keep relapsing. I keep thinking somehow, someway he’s gonna help me get sober. Its not going to happen. Idk what to do. Its not up to him to get me clean. I know he’ll support my decision but only I am responsible for choosing to sober up.

[Dazercat]

Hey Country
I got sober and I have a spouse that drinks.
We were drinking buddies for about 38 years and when I was going to turn 60 I had had enough. I downloaded this app and I’ve been very active on here and that, with my knowledge of addiction, through my 2 children, recovering addicts, I am sober.

I spend all my morning here on the gratitude thread. Daily Gratitude, The Air Of Recovery #7
It a great way to start my day.

I didn’t tell my wife I got the app until about ten days in. She supports me. But she’s going to drink. It was hard at first. But not because of her drinking. I was focused on me. Not her drinking. I wanted sobriety badly. I’m so grateful I found this app.

We also have this thread here too if you’re interested.

Are you affected by a loved one who’s an addict?

Have you been affected by someone else’s drinking or them doing drugs? I have. We may be parents, children, spouses, partners, brothers, sisters, other family members, or friends, of alcoholics or drug addicts. No matter what our specific experience has been we share a common bond: we feel our lives have been affected by someone else’s drinking. I have been wanting to start an Al-Anonish type topic here ever since I joined Sober Time and TS. This is not Al-Anon. I do highly recommend Al-Anon …

I hope to see you around.

[Country]

Thank you. I can do it. I will focus.

[Ray_M_C_Laren]

Maybe try a womans meeting meet like minded ladies who are were you are now wish you well maybe as suggested by Eric try a Al-Anon might help

[SoberVigilant]

Hey Country, I got a spouse that drinks as well and I’m a little over 4 year’s sober. Got to keep the focus on you

[SassyRocks]

My spouse still drinks. I have 7 years sober (after 40+ of drinking). For a long time I didn’t think it possible to get sober around someone drinking. Then I started really focusing on ME (like Sobervigilant said) and what I could control. And what I can control is whether or not I pick up that drink. It is not easy at all around someone still drinking, but it can be done. I put myself to bed early A LOT. Or I took walks or hit the gym or took long baths or I was on here…constantly. I know meetings help others immensely as well. You can do them online too.

For me, it all came down to truly understanding that he is in charge of himself and what he does and I am 100% in charge of me and my reactions and actions. It sucks and is hard, but it is also possible. Don’t give up on yourself.