i have a pill problem and i have since i was around 10/11. between my mental health worsening and having to take certain medications a couple times these past couple weeks ive realized that i cant keep living completely unmedicated. one of them that ive had to take recently was benadryl. ik it doesnt sound like anything but i tend to avoid benadryl unless absolutely necessary bc of my past with it. one for an allergic reaction turns into “just a couple to sleep” and that turns into half a sheet and it just gets worse because once it’s there im looking for others too. ive managed to avoid falling down that for now but it’s been difficult to stop myself and i dont have anyone around me that can really relate. i dont let myself take any kind of pain med unless i have to to go to work.
i want to start taking psych meds again if they help. i want to be able to take pain meds on my period or on bad pain days. i want to be able to take allergy meds, daily allergy meds, so that i can breathe properly and maybe have my skin calm down. i want to be able to go to the doctor for other health issues and actually take the meds they prescribe me. but im scared to take anything daily. im scared to have to think about taking meds every day. im scared that taking meds again will put me in a spot where all i can think about is getting my hands on something to feel better or how much of what will make me feel how i want to. im scared that ill be overprescribed something again and that itll start a new addiction.
has anyone managed to take daily medication without it making it harder to stay clean? does anyone have tips for avoiding old habits while starting/taking daily meds? sorry i know this post is a mess
You are very much not alone with this question, Starr - there are lots of people, here on Talking Sober and also in recovery generally, who ask this question.
There’s two layers (at least two, maybe more 
) to this:
- the surface layer, which is “am I doing what I should(n’t) be doing, or what I think I should(n’t) be doing” (this is the layer that bothers you when you see yourself slipping into the rabbit hole of “more and more” - you see yourself doing things you don’t want to be doing - and seeing that in action, bothers you; you wish it could change, you want it to change)
- the deeper layer(s), which is about who you are, and what you’re escaping, and how you can cultivate healthy acceptance of yourself, and find a healthy human space where you can live and make friendships and belong
What happens at the surface layer is always, always related to what’s happening at the deeper layer, and until you work on the deeper layer, the surface layer will remain the same.
All the above 
is something to think about and it’s worth looking into what you can do to find a space that works for yourself, a space where you can dig into some of those deeper things (there’s lots of resources for that here: Resources for our recovery). Digging into that will help settle some of the patterns that are bothering you. But you also mentioned a couple of practical things, and there’s helpful information about those too 
Here goes:
- Period pain: everyone who gets a period is affected by this in one way or another, and you are not alone there. There’s an active thread here where people share, and sometimes just having a space to reach out can help: Women's hormonal roller-coaster (there’s a wide range of posts here, some are about herbs etc which people have found helpful, some are other shares and sympathy etc)
- Taking prescribed (or even over-the-counter) medications: this is very much not only you, there are many people who are going through the same thing, you’re not alone. There are dozens of threads here about that (search “prescriptions” and “medication” and similar searches here and you’ll find a bunch). Ultimately it is a personal choice what you do and you know yourself better than anyone else does. At the same time, there is a principle that is common in recovery spaces and recovery groups: belonging. You belong. The only requirement for membership in many constructive recovery communities or groups is a desire to stop using. The details of how people communicate vary from person to person and group to group, but there’s a bigger purpose, a bigger mission, and that’s what keeps us united - that’s what keeps us being present, being there for each other.
You’ve been using substances for years, to fill a hole which is partly related to being alone, desperately alone. I think you’ll find that reaching out and connecting and staying connected in constructive spaces (like here on TS, or in a recovery group space that works for you) will help. If you stick with it and keep an open mind and try new actions and directions and perspectives, you will grow, you will find new things.
Don’t give up. You matter and you belong, always. The journey is hard - it is always challenging; that is the road ahead - but life never gives you a challenge that you can’t overcome. Dig deep and reach out, and you will find what you need.
Thank you for sharing; I learned a lot!
I have to be careful with medication also. I had a pill problem (looong time ago) and due to my addictive tendencies, i do have to be careful. I do take a psych med. And i have even taking prescription pain medication as directed when ive had a procedure done like dental (For example T3s).
Basically, for me anyway, it boils down to self awareness. Say i get prescribed pain meds after a surgery or due to an underlying issue… its okay to take them as prescribed… BUT once i notice my mind starts “searching” or my mind begins justifying my reasons for taking more than prescribed (such as 1 more wont hurt bcuz im in alot of pain today or it will help me rest so i can feel better), i stop taking them. Its not worth my recovery to get addicted or to misuse something else. So its definitly about being self aware for me and knowing when my addictive thinking is trying to get the best of me.
Also… my anti-psyhcotic medication for my BPD actually helps me stay clean. Not all meds (as u probably know) have addictive tendencies and some meds can actually help. Psychiatrists who prescribe these kinds of meds have alot of education behind them and finding a Dr that u trust (so that theres no fear of being overprescribed) helps alot. Of course there is trial and error to finding what medication works best. I went through quite a few diff ones before i found the one that works best for me. But being on medocation can actually help with stabilizing mood and thoughts (like for myself) which in turn helps me to stay clean and sober.
Theres only a few pain meds that are strictly a no for me bcuz i have greatly abused them in the past, for example morphine. I would never even think of using that again. But even in this case, if the Dr was going to prescribe me something i dont want to take, i just ask for something else bcuz i dont want to go down that road. There are many alternatives and meds that do a similar thing but dont have addictive properties.
Hope this helps 