So I am one month and 3 days sober. For a few weeks there I was feeling so good about everything. But I guess the one thing I struggle with is turning it over and being patient. I have recently sold my house I was in and now I don’t really a next plan yet. I thought at one point I would be building a life and a future with someone special but that no longer seems realistic. I get so lonely coming home to an empty house and waking up alone…don’t get me wrong being alone is good from time to time but I’m getting sick of it personally
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Congratulations on the month and three days! Nice job.
I think one of the reasons I drank as long as I did is because I harbored this fantasy that I was going to meet the man of my dreams while I was shitfaced in my favorite dive bar. It didn’t happen. But man, I tried and tried.
The beginning of my sobriety was lonely too. I will say that my cats made a big dent on my loneliness. But mostly, I spent the time relearning things about myself I had forgotten or left neglected while I sat at the bar. I cultivated those old interests and began to develop a new life, slowly but surely. I spent a lot of time thinking about why I used to drink and what I got from it. And I read a lot and walked a lot.
I think women, in particular, are conditioned to believe we can’t be happy alone. Success seems to be realized largely with our relationships. I read a book a few years ago that I found very empowering “All the single ladies” by Rebecca Traister, which I highly recommend.
But in the beginning, take it slow. Rome wasn’t built in a day. You’re beginning a new life sober and you’ll get to where you want to go in time.
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This is a solid piece of advice not only for this particular topic but pretty much all of early sobriety.
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Lonely here too. If you need a friend, I’m here
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You are getting more balance so the “high” from getting sober is fading. Life is getting more normal. Give it time, like others are saying too. It will come! When I split up (ages ago) from my first partner and had to live by myself again I bought myself a cat. Like @Leesa suggested, it’s great to have a little friend in your house waiting for you to come home 
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Human beings are typically built to be social. To include wanting partners, children and friends. So, the urge and feeling alone is natural. There were plenty of people to strike up conversation with people at bars. It’s not just women that need interaction, men do to. I don’t mean romantic situations. The question is where to you get that social interaction your craving, now?
I personally play video games with friends, gym buddies or organized workout things. I try to volunteer for things I have passion for. Church… Go to the public library looking for books. There are so many things to do!
I think that’s also a reason people really latch on to AA/NA is for the fellowship.
Patience. Now is the time to become the best you, that you can be. Strong. Sober. Independent. This is important, because in a relationship we give and get, but all we have control over is the “give” part of the equation.
To get the best of someone special, we have to have our best to give, and we want to do this without losing ourselves.
If you are your own best friend, the one you can count on, who can self-generate happiness and contentment, then there’s less pressure on the relationship to fill some void or gap in your life. The expectation of happiness is more realistic.
At least that’s how I see it. Your mileage may vary.
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Congratulations on your 30+ days of sobriety. Solid advice here all around. Being comfortable in our skin and with our self takes time…especially if we are used to filling our time and brain with people, chatter, alcohol fog and distractions. Finding a sense of calm and joy with our self can truly be life changing. Finding community with others can be as well. Meet ups can be a nice place to find like minded people. Online forums too…like this one.
Perhaps this time alone will offer you the opportunity to really get to know you, what you want, need and can offer. Journaling is often a wonderful way to uncover our true relationship with our self.
Be gentle with your process.
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@Alliecat thank you so much…reading that this morning means a lot and I am going to look into that book.
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I have a dog and he does comfort me I guess I should just be content with that
I keep reminding myself of this daily. I really want it all to be good now but it took me years to get to where I was, it should take me years to heal as well. But I know we’ll all get there if we take the time and do the work.
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Agreed…I think that is part of the reason I attend AA …nice to have that kind of interaction even for an hour. Thank you for your support
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You are right about being able to give your best to someone and you can not do that if you are insecure about yourself
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Thank you…yes I have been journaling a lot lately. It is nice to look back on too and see how far I have come even in just 30 days. Patience is something I have struggled with all my life and I at times have a hard time leaning on a higher power
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I don’t know about you but I drank alone in my house… When I got sober I had to gtf out of my house and be around ppl bc I wasn’t comfortable in my skin or being alone where I drank the most… It took me months to feel safe there by myself… I got involved in meetings and made friends went to dinner with ppl after meetings and started working on myself… Now I can be alone and not feel lonely there is a big difference… Maybe attend a meeting and meet some ppl who feel exactly like you… Congratulations on the month!
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it is pretty social to just take your dog to Petsmart or pet friendly type store. Folks will say hi to you and your pet. It is actually pretty soothing.
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@Sober_gabby12 I hear you …I was a binge drinker but when I did drink it was 99%of the time at home alone as well. I do attend four to seven meetings a week does get me out and I love to cook which takes my mind off things
Congrats on 3 months - 3 days (now 4 days) sobriety! If you are going to AA meetings, be sure and get some phone numbers. Every meeting has a phone list that you can ask the meeting’s secretary for. You shouldn’t have to be all alone feeling lonely! Or better yet, get a sponsor if you haven’t yet. It really does help with the loneliness. You can even pick a sponsor who is single and knows what that’s all about, lol!
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Yeah definitely do what @Kareness said if you haven’t gotten a sponsor yet and started working the steps you’re really missing out. It seems like a heavy load but I can assure you that it will set you free. It takes work but holy shit does it do wonders for your soul🙏 it’s the meat and potatoes and you will really start to heal… Don’t just go to meetings and be a wallflower get involved and be of service to others and yourself…
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