Huge mistake, decided to drink after 2.5yrs 😞

[Lisa07]

So sorry for your loss. Odin looks like a big teddy bear. Love his beautiful brindle coloring.
I’ve found dealing with grief is my biggest challenge in sobriety. Sending you big hugs

[emc2018]

Thanks Lisa I wish life wasn’t so hard.

[emc2018]

I struggle, sometimes, when I hear people I know talk about addiction or people with addictions or alcoholism. The comments are often ignorant and really lacking an understanding or any compassion or empathy. I know it’s hard for people to really know or understand what addiction or alcoholism are like if they haven’t lived through it or experienced themselves, but their judgement and remarks can be soo limited, unjust, naive and distorted. They have NO idea what they’re even saying or talking about. And it’s frustrating to hear. People (not suffering the pains of alcoholism or addiction) I hear talk as if it was a well thought out plan by a person to become dependent on a substance; that the decision was made without “real” thought or consideration of the consequences - as if it was their goal to be a user or an alcoholic despite “knowing better.” What they don’t understand - they don’t see or hear - is the pain that’s been there causing a deep disconnect and suffering; it is this that makes a numbing substance so appealing, and by the time realisation has set in that the alcohol or drugs are not helping they’re harming - by then it’s usually too late. Addiction is set in. The road to recovery becomes long and arduous (but worth it)! And, people who don’t care to learn or understand cannot grasp this. They do not know of the incredible courage and strength and hard work it takes a person suffering with alcoholism or addiction to choose to get better and live their life in recovery.

[LeeHawk]

Very well said, no the don’t understand and therefore I wonder why they would even comment at all That’s why my AA and TLC groups are so crucial to me. There are a lot of people out there who do understand and hold others struggling with compassion and understanding.

[Chandler13]

You admitted what you did. You admitted that you regretted it. You’ve seen that nothing has changed in your ability to handle alcohol.

(The thought crossed my mind, “I’ve been sober for x years. I have it under control. I can ride The Dragon.” The problem is I have work on being sober every day. The Dragon has nothing to do but sit and wait. I can’t ride him. He and I both know it. If I try, he’ll eat me and everything I love.)

Now you start over at Day One. Be Honest with yourself. Don’t beat yourself up, the World is happy to do that for you, but be honest.

I can read your regret and self loathing. You have 24 hours to do that. After that you start grinding again. We can’t wallow bc wallowing leads us back to drinking.

You’ve done 2.5, the new grind is 2.5 plus one day.

Best,
Chandler

[emc2018]

Thanks Chandler, I appreciate that. Definitely trying not to beat myself up too much; just learn from it and move forward, further into sober life with positivity and courage to live my best life, be confident in who I am and to love and respect myself.
I wish you well too.
Cheers!

[TigerMatriarch]

I felt this so deeply reading your words. It’s hard to hear these hurtful words. Especially when they come out of the mouth of a loved one, family or life-long friend. It cuts to the bone.

[emc2018]

I know, very hard to hear i just try to listen and understand why it is they think or feel this way and try to learn something new or accept that people have different understandings and experiences. It’s so hard though. Sometimes a real lack of intellect and/or discernment from others

[Dan531]

I have no idea how i missed this but I’m glad you’re back. Thank you for this post and this thread it will serve everyone well.

[emc2018]

Thanks Dan, I appreciate that. And if my lapse helps others than at least something good came of it! Still wish it hadn’t happened though, but here I am. Learning and growing. Strengthening my resolve, and choosing sobriety again today

[emc2018]

Tough day today. I’m feeling tired. Thoughts about drinking alcohol usually creep in about now. Thankfully a higher power lead me back to this thread - a timely reminder and recalibration back to my decision to live a better sober life. A life that I love and value very much! Tonight, I am grateful for sobriety and all the gifts it brings to my life I reaffirm this loving, wise decision I’ve made for it brings about better days than any alternative

[emc2018]

Whilst reading through other threads, I had a kind of epiphany…

At times, I’m often thinking of and glamorizing alcohol/drinking in my mind. Wrestling with thoughts of drinking again because I desire “normalcy” or to have “fun”.
YET, I’m very misled when thinking this way. For the truth is: I am SO PROUD to be sober! I am relieved that I don’t drink anymore. I’m grateful that I don’t have to suffer the pains that come with drinking alcohol! I LOVE that I’m brave and courageous enough to enjoy life as it is - I don’t need or want to use any substance to fabricate good times ('cause, really, they don’t!). It’s amazing, I feel lucky to be free of drinking alcohol! To be able to have a fun, authentic experience that I can truly enjoy just because the experience IS so enjoyable; and because, I’m a fun, outgoing, enthusiastic person. I’m a person who, courageously, doesn’t need alcohol anymore . Alcohol will in fact ruin the good times and will taint the fun experiences in my life and turn them sour. I love that I choose differently. When I see others relying on alcohol to ‘make’ their experience better…I don’t feel envy; that’s actually not normalcy. I know mine will be my best BECAUSE of my choice not to drink! I love that I’ll not have a hangover. I love that I’ll remember everything. I love that I’ll behave in a respectful way towards myself and others. I love that I won’t feel embarrassed. I love that I’m unique and brave enough to face the wilderness - sometimes alone. I love that I take care of myself. I love that I can be a good role model to the children around me. I love that I can show up for the people in my life and offer love and support. I love that alcohol doesn’t own my weekends, my life revolves around more than that. I’m really grateful to be on this sober journey, and for 2.8yrs now I’ve changed my life for the better! All the things I’m learning and growing into, I owe so much thanks to finding a community where people, like me, strive to thrive. My life is better now than before and that’s simply because I don’t drink alcohol! I love being a non-drinker and I certainly don’t want to change that so, when my mind does it’s crazy thing, thinking those thoughts about drinking and missing out, I know how I’ll change that thinking around. I get back to the truth of it.

[LeeHawk]

I really cherish being a non-drinker now as well. That took some time. Freedom from alcohol is priceless. Alcohol demanded all of me, even when I wasn’t drinking.

[ALC227]

@emc2018 I love this post!

[Becsta]

Absolutely!!! I love everything about this post!!! And totally agree 100%.
In the beginning I really struggled with -

“Wrestling with thoughts of drinking again because I desire “normalcy” or to have “fun”.”
Reading This Naked Mind was a game changer for me with the way I viewed alcohol. It, and a few realisations like you have mentioned above completely took away any feelings of missing out or wanting to be ‘normal’. Now, I think those that do drink are missing out!! So wild to see me think this way lol

[emc2018]

Absolutely @LeeHawk & @Becsta - it takes time to come to this realisation and it certainly wasn’t/isn’t always easy; the recovery road is arduous and ever changing, yet when you hit those parts of the road and realise how far you’ve come, you bear witness to the transformation and growth within, and it’s wonderful! We’ve all come so far. There may still be difficult turns ahead, but we know this road, we’ve been traveling it, navigating and learning, and we’re full of strength and resilience now… ready to face the next turn with courage and determination! And with that comes wonderful revelation thanks for travelling the road with me!

[emc2018]

Thanks @ALC227 , me too

[emc2018]

Checking in on Day 70 since the lapse. Feeling anxious this past week. And fatigue. Happy to be sober though. Alcohol is, thankfully, one less thing for me to worry about or to have to suffer grateful for that.

[Trying22]

You got this, I screwed up after 5.5 years and that was 8 yrs ago. I’m on day 53. We will get this

[emc2018]

90 days today since that huge mistake. I’m grateful to have been able to comprehend the mistake I made as quickly as I did, and I feel proud that I continue to choose to live a sober life - I know it’s my best life and I’m very thankful to be here