It was very rough last night sharing the divorce with the kids. Lots of crying but I didnt hurt anyone with cause. I didnt share the shitty details of my wifes other relationship. Its extremely hard for me to not blow up. I found polaroids that she took wearing a guys San Diego charger phillip rivers #17 jersey with clothes and without. I want to know who this fuckhead is. She wont tell me anything but lies at this point. She says he lives in Illinois and he mailed the jersey to her. I dont buy it. I think he is local and probably from her work. I cant stop looking through all the apps sheās on for one guys thatās a chargers fan. Iām not sleeping much as this shit consumes me. I have no desire to drink as my kids need me sober more than ever but how do I get past the anger, hurt and wanting to locate this guy. Any help?
Iām so sorry to hear that, my friend. It is irrelevant who the guy is. This is a time to focus on your connection with your HP and strengthen your resolve with your program. Any obsession about her or him is just obscuring your relationship with your HP and harming yourself by cutting yourself off from the sunshine of the spirit.
I listen to a lot of speaker tapes. One of my favourites is Bob D. He talks in some tapes about his experience of his wife having an affair with his sponsee and confident and how he was eventually able to come to terms with it, repair relationships, see his part in all of it, make amends, let it go, and repair relationships with both of them.
I THINK this might be a tape where he discusses it, but give it a listen. If not, keep checking out Bob D on youtube. It is a compelling story and might give you some strength. We are all here for you, buddy.
Actually, Iām not sure that is the right link, but it is a great one. HERE is the one where he talks about his wifeās affair. I hope you listen to it. Sending you strength and courage, my friend.
So sorry to hear this Jimmy, when my husband had an affair the woman contacted me, Iāve no idea of her reasoning but I suspect to make sure I was out of the picture (she was dating a cheat after all) I was of course annoyed at her but after a while I realised who she was didnāt matter, my husband was looking for something but not her in particular, the next available girl would probably have ended in the same result. Yes this woman had pretty low morals to get with a married man and father but that was her issue, she could have been any woman out there, who she actually was was irrelevant.
I came to realise that the problems in our marriage belonged to myself and my husband and that whoever the end result was didnāt matter only that the problems were ours (mine) to deal with and move on from. Just know that this is about where your wife is and not you, recognise the part you played and learn and grow from it so you can avoid the same mistakes in the future.
I commend your approach to dealing with the children, it is so so difficult but they will recover and can live happily between two parents if there is no animosity between you when they are present.
Wishing you much strength to deal with this in the best way you can
Sorry to hear this friend.
I heard the āhurt people, hurt peopleā phrase in IOP and it made a lot of sense to me, especially as a drunk. I would sustain my existence on dragging people into my misery, cause if Iām gonna feel like shit, so are you.
Itās nice having the ability to feel my own shit, and own it, instead of ramming it down everyone elseās throat these days.
Keep trudging bud.
I have been in your shoes Jimmy. My wife and I both turned away from each other about 5 years ago. I turned to porn and chatrooms heavily after the honeymoon phase wor off. She found out and found someone else for a short time. I found out and it really hurt my ego. However I knew early on that I had been doing my part of driving the wedge between us. Did she handle it well? Absolutely not. I wish she had communicated to me how these things were making her feel. But then again, I was probably too focused on my addiction to hear her. Over time I have found some amount of grace and forgiveness and understanding. But it certainly wasnāt a quick fix. Time heals all. As the door closes on the past I try to find gratitude for the opportunity that comes when another door opens. Easier said than done, I know.
Thanks for sharing with us all.
Hi Ariel, Iām doing better, thank you. We are going to try real hard to be friendly thru this process. I may be able to buy her out of our house if she wants some quick cash versus what I can get for it later. I hope she takes it. Itās funny how I got back on facebook just to see my wife wont share her friends with me and sooo did my mother in law. They both know this guy sheās seeing. Anyway Iām trying not to let it posess me too much. Any way a better day today and I slept a little better last night.
Iām glad to hear its been a slightly better day. Sleep and eating is important. HALT is for real in times of stress. I know itās hard, but trust your HP is looking out for you and is leading you on this path for a reason. 
Thinking of Jimmy, too.
Hi folks. Iām doing better after meeting with a real estate agent while the wife is in Illinois visiting our daughter. Have an idea of how I want to sell the house. Slept better last night. Wife wife will facetime me in a bit to tell our oldest of the divorce. Iām in a better place mentally and hope to sleep even better tonight.
Proud of ya Jim. Youāve handled this spectacularly thus far.
Remember we are here Jim.
@jimmy7-30-17 hey my man. Whats up? How ya doin? Havenāt seen you, maybe Iām not looking hard enough though?
Hi David and friends. I appreciate you checking up on me. Iāve been kinds quiet on social media and talking alot more with sponsor, sponsee, and others as I try to be as civil as possible. Every day it gets easier accepting my relationship with my wife is over, even though I hate how it ended. Iām sleeping better and Iāve lost 13 lbs which wasnt a goal. Lol. However today I found myself feeling so good I stopped smoking cigarettes. Itās been about 13 hours and I feel good. Once I get to 7 days ($105.00 a week savings) Iām going to sign up at a new gym just down the road from me. I want to lose another 25 to 30 pounds in my waist and try to get this 53 year old body in better shape. I need to look a bit better for the single life!
still havent heard if wife is taking the job in Illinois yet so cant plan the sale of the house until we know more on that. Been bowling alot, some angry bowling some looking more like stevie wonder. But Iām doing good and I thank you for your friendship on this app. Thank YOU!
So so glad to hear you are coming to acceptance. You sharing your experience with this is inspirational, my friend.
Iām glad to hear from you bud.
Good to hear from you, Jimmy. You sound strong and focused on the next right thing. And well done on the weight and cigs!
So glad to read this Jimmy. You are very inspiring!! SO happy that something so amazing and positive is coming out of this hardship too - quitting smoking!!! AWESOME! Youāll be feeling so super good in a weeks time and should be really proud of yourself, looking after yourself and your body is #1! Keep up the great work and please keep sharing with us, itās a wonderful and positive encouragement for many of us : )