Ive only been in AA for 3 months. My husband says its a cult. We never used to fight but since i got sober we have great big blow outs. My husband is my true soulmate and im worried if i stay in AA it will destroy us. I dont know what to do
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Is he afraid that youāll stop drinking and change the dynamic of the relationship? No matter, it sounds like an opportunity for marriage counseling.
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This same thing happened with my (ex)bf when I began AA. He kept asking why I wanted to go every day. He also didnāt understand why I wanted to stop drinking. Idk if your husband drinks like my ex, but I know mine was scared of change.
Has he ever actually gone to a meeting for any reason? If not, maybe he would go to an open meeting with you, just once?
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I have quit drinking. He kept telling me i was drinking too much and he dodnt actually know the full extent as i hid half of it. He cant drink as he had heart failure when i was only 4 days sober. I found AA on day 10 of being sober cause the transplant team talked to us and it was either i drink or find AA. He is scared hes losing me to AA and thinks its a cult. I dont know how to convince him otherwise
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Iām going to stick with my first answer - marriage counseling seems in order.
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He refuses to look at al-anon. He came to a round up with me and says that confirmed his belief that it is a cult
We are too poor for counseling thank tho
Hmm. If he thought you were drinking too much, and this is working for you, I donāt understand why it bothers him you go alone. Seems stubborn. Is he lonely when you leave? Maybe reassure him heās your one and only. And that he canāt āloseā you to a group of people.
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Itās a changing situation and change is difficult to handle. Do what YOU need to stay sober, attend meetings as they are helpful for you. He will become accustomed to it. If you had kidney failure, would he complain that you go getting dialysis?
He as well is invited to grow. Maybe read some quit lit together? AA is a program that offers structure and content. There are many other programs, does he know that? That you choose from a variety of opportunities to get help staying sober?
Detach with love when an argument about AA arises. Itās your path in sobriety and you canāt do it alone. SAY āIt helps me and doesnāt hurt you. So please respect that I need and get help in AAā.
Stay calm, things will unwind.
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He is lonely. I try to reassure him but his self-esteem is low not being able to work but he refuses to seek psychological help as he thinks he can deal with his shit alone. Our daughter goes to daycare so its not like hes overwhelmed with that. Now im also 6.5 weeks pregnant. In the beginning i went to a meeting a day but as im a high bottom i found dropping to 2 or 3 meetings a week worked for me. Now ive decided to quit Marijuana too cause of the baby so found i needed the daily meetings again. Gonna try to cut back meetings again and hope that helps.
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This comes down to priorities. To what extent do you want to continue going to AA and also to be happier in your marriage? Where does it go without counseling? There are sliding scale fees available, and some churches will offer pastoral counseling for free.
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He is responsible for his own wellbeing. You are not his caregiver nor responsible for his entertainment or mental state. This is not love this is codependency.
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Well congratulations on the baby 
You definitely need to take care of yourself for the sake of that. You do whatever is working for you.
He sounds like he is in a low place, and I know how hard it is to come out of that, but it is up to himself to do something about it. You canāt āmakeā him happy. Thatās not how it works.
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I agree with others who say the two of you might benefit from marriage counselling because what youāre describing is not a healthy dynamic at allā¦
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I agree with the need for counseling but unfortunately he does not. But this is not what im asking about. The point is he thinks im in a cult! I dont know how to convince him otherwise
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Sorry to hear that. I have found my.time in coupleās coinseling has been hugely beneficial to me, and my spouse. Thoughts and prayersbare with you
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And yet nobody can answer the question. Why is AA not a cult?
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AA is not a cult. Itās a misconception people have. There is no obligation to believe in anything or do anything. The program is based on suggestions of what has worked for other people.
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i refer to my first post. if you read it, it states clearly what AA is.
no need to convince anybody. if he has a problem itās up to him to inform himself and check it out or shut up and let you do your helpful meetings. you are not responsible for his neglect of information you already offered and which is available on the internet and in all social institutions.
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