Hey Jan,
good to have you back altho I’m sorry you’re struggling. You mentioned somewhere you’re thinking of going back to rehab for bit, which sounds like a good idea. I’m concerned about you, and how your daily life & activities are not working very well.
It’s good that you’re venting about your disappointment regarding the army. I understand shattered dreams. That rejection does not define your future. As for your diagnosis, unfortunately some doors will be closed (for now), but not all doors.
You seem to know your strengths and shortcomings and that’s good. It does take time and effort to get an idea what line of work would be suitable for you now. That might change over time. Allow yourself lots of wiggle room here
I know only a few people who have “always known” what they what to do when they grow up. There are many who don’t have it that well figured out. You try out different things, some suit you better than others. And that’s ok.
I’m wondering if you could talk to someone who is trained in helping people to choose career paths? They’re called occupational psychologists over here. I guess they could also be social workers. That might help you to see further your potentials and possibilities.
I don’t want to sound disheartening but… The stuff I wanted to do work-wise when I was your age did not suit me at all in the end. I have a degree in social work, I wanted to do something meaningful, help others, fix their problems (oh boy, LOL ) etc. That did not go well. The work was not what I had expected, people didn’t want to have their problems fixed and I was not ready to help others the way my work required, I was too broken.
So, at 35 yrs I’m starting occupational rehabilitation. And that is a good thing. I ask God for guidance in my prayers. Some doors open, some doors close.
I know how hard it can be in a situation like you are in. However just try and focus on what’s number 1 and in front of all things today in your sobriety. Ii believe you have the coping skills you need plus this great group of people to talk to. STAY STRONG
Not yet, I’m at work now. I’m also doing a lot better today. I think it’s most likely I pushed away my sadness or maybe I’ve just come to accept my future really quickly. Still quite a bit of TV today, but significantly less than usual. I think returning to TS has been a huge factor and that my sponsor may have been partially wrong when he advised me to quit TS. And I received my RC car today, which should also keep me away from the TV. I’ll work out this evening
I fear you’re right. We haven’t called since December 24th and haven’t had contact since January 6th. I know it’s both our responsibilities, so I’m at fault too, but it’s also his…
I’m gonna give you some insight on something you said.
You said your autism would give you the ability to kill easier, I’m not autistic so I cant speak from experience but I will give you some insight.
In the heat of the moment kill or be killed you dont think you do. Does it get easier. Idk
Being a vet, and public safety worker my whole life pretty much I can say the horrors of experiencing life and death are truly traumatizing, I have went to bed many times questioning myself what have I done to be so lucky to be alive, is this my punishment for my actions living forever to be always reminded of my experiences in my nightmares and daily life living in fear? When is my next call gonna be my last? When is my next time going to cause me some sort of long lasting defect that I become a total burden to my family? These are things I question all the time.
I have mental health issues, and I learned to embrace them and work around them to make my life work, I often consider going back into the military and finishing out a 20. A taste of another deployment, the structure the experience the environment, I keep those fond memories alive but often forget the downsides of it all.
Its frustrating to be told no, I just got rejected by 4 police departments because I was honest about my past substance abuse issues, they refuse to see the whole person they just see oj he quit his last place to go to treatment on a whim no, does it suck yeah. Especially since I have most of my training and experience regarding the public safety sector. I just take it with a grain of salt, part of me says it’s because I have other plans that i don’t know about. I hate the unknown but its something I have to manage.
I seen you said about forensic investigator which is pretty cool. With your intelligence factor plus I’m sure major attention to detail I bet you could be incredible at it.
I served in the Air Force for 10 years and I was at the top of my field. I wanted to go back in for 10 years to qualify for retirement. After I separated with an honorable discharge, I was diagnosed with psoriasis, just a small, quarter-sized spot on my thigh, but I also had some nail-pitting. I am now permanently disqualified from military service. There was no waiver available.
Now, I am glad because the chances are I would have been deployed and my kids would have had to stay with their father, which would not have been good. So, all happens for a reason.
and I was not ready to help others the way my work required, I was too broken.