I can not do it anymore. I tried lots of things. I saw therapists. I made vows. I stayed sober for months though. Again and again I return to this satan. Maybe I must not be here because I can be a bad example. A temptation. I am not proud of myself. I am proud of sober people. I thought about sober celebs. Hopkins, Elton John, ect. I am also proud of them but here we are. I continue seeing my therapist in our country’s alcohol and substance fighting center YEŞİLAY (green crescent). She is fighting for me but I CANT JUST CANT. I hope no one will kick me out of this place. My only light is here but its dim. I want to stay here and read your good news. And I will keep my mouth shut. Promise… Love you all as always.
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Lots of people fall down here. We are here to help you stand back up. If what you are doing isn’t working try something new.
Don’t keep your mouth shut unless it’s to stop alcohol going in. Tell us what you need.
Don’t quit on yourself. You only lose if you stop trying.
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I am tired of trying. This is something strong. I hate it. I want to be fully sober I really really want it but I cant.
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Here is my instagram if anyone likes we can speak. Love you all @fsnhmz
I think you can. I’m proud of you for coming here to ask for help. I’m going back to work from my break but keep talking it out here. Whatever you have tried in the past is no longer working. Try something new. Sending hugs and the hopes that someone else jumps in. I’ll check back on you tonight.
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I’m so sorry you are feeling this way. For heavens sake, you’re not a bad example! Nobody is going to kick you out, This is a safe place for everyone, no matter what. Keep fighting for your freedom!
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I would recommend logging in here daily, and I mean every single day, rather than showing up every 3 months with your world on fire.
Sobriety requires DAILY effort. Not weekly therapy, not just medication, but DAILY effort towards sobriety.
In the past you have given many excuses for why you won’t do this thing or that thing, but I genuinely hope you reconsider because you need more than what you are doing now. If you love this forum as much as you say you would visit every day, not just during a crisis. In fact by coming every day you are far less likely to have these continuing crises.
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We are all here for each other to help shine a light in someone else’s darkness.we all fall down but what counts is if you get back up to fight another day.
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I agree with the daily effort. Even when addiction is not on my mind, i tell myself to stay focused, listen to sobriety podcasts, and come on this app. Putting in the work daily and not just in time of crises has really helped me stay focused and keep things in perspective.
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I have felt that so many times!! I am doing good on my alcohol sobriety but guess what I have switched to smoking weed!!! I am such an addicted person. Anyway, don’t give up!! If you wake up grateful for your existence and you go thro the day trying to be positive you have accomplished the most important thing in life!! Your higher power will help if we try in life. I don’t know if I said anything to help. I hope so. 
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Hi Tinkerbell, im seriously so fucking sorry to read this. It rips at my heart, pulls at my throat. Many of us know this feeling. I know we choose what we are gping to choose, and in some ways this feels like it isnt a choice or its not (I honestly do npt know sometimes and understand people have diff opinions on it and thats okay).
Just want to say…it does get better. Just want to say, even if you go back down dont feel like that means you cant try again or like this place isnt here for you. Just because something didnt work before doesnt mean it will never work. Just be safe and try to keep some of those safety rules around you if you can, and know we always here. Xo.
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Are there a lot of enablers around you?
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@Tinkerbell - i feel so much of your heart in your post and, your heart is beautiful.
i understand the heartbreaking, terrifying, exhausting, humiliating, absolutely miserable back and forth between trying and failing. and as we repeat the cycle, the downs seem to get only deeper and the misery gets worse. meanwhile, what equally develops over time is our sense of desperation to break this tragic looping. we’re at a breaking point - there may have been many, and this one is now.
you have achieved sobriety for months at a time. that is incredible, and you clearly have real skill for committing to the lifestyle you desire, without relying on the substance. you can do this for years and years and forever.
one of the things we are all learning is to confront the point in the cycle where we would normally start using again. and when that task is extremely difficult, it requires the aforementioned desperation that we are blessed with - where our passion for survival is. we can let it take us all the way. 
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You just keep trying, ive been there many a time ,but each time i fall my determination to beat this gets stronger, i will not let it win ,you will do it keep trying
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You can get through this. The despair comes on strong but it fades. Don’t feel bad for being vulnerable and know that you are not alone in how you feel. I came in here tonight for the same reason as you. Because I was feeling a little hopeless and I needed some reinforcement and I needed to be there for someone else who is struggling tonight. Please just try and get through tonight. Tomorrow you can do anything you want but just try and make it through tonight. Don forget why you quit. I’m sure that reason hasn’t changed.
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Keep trying. Just because it didn’t stick before doesn’t mean it won’t stick this time. Try different meetings, different books, give rehab a try. Commit to bring sober one day at a time. Start your day with a meeting, or journalling or something to get in track, and focus on that one day ahead of you, and repeat. And keep close to the sober community.
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I tell myself…‘drinking/drugs is just not an option anymore so i must find another way’…those options are plentiful…explore them…do the work and find a way/ways that work for you
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You said “I’m not proud of myself. I am proud of sober people.” How long does someone else have to be sober for you to be proud of them? A day? A month? A year? 10 years? If you met someone who had been sober for 5 months and then they started drinking again would your pride stop for them? I suspect not, you seem like a thoughtful caring person, so why does your pride stop for YOU?
something has clearly changed or come around to make you think that sobriety isn’t the right option anymore when it was before so what is it?!
One of the toughest parts of this is to really reflect on what is happening to us and around us. We miss changes and let things go because drinking (or whatever your poison is) is easier than sobriety. Give yourself time. The bravery of sobriety is going into the unknown and finding the things that will help you heal.
I hope you find your answers and be kind to yourself!!
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If you look at the big picture, you will never make it. Sobriety is one day at a time. This is a spiritual program. We need a higher power to help us. We can’t do it alone. Surrender the need to control.
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I would have stood on my head if asked when i got sober desire and effort . those celebs you mention go to AA , dont know if youve tried AA.? . that extra mile sometimes we have to do is hard but worthwhile in the end . i wish you well what ever your decision .
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