God I fucking hate being an addict. Trying to get clean is so fucking hard. I was taking pain pills, so I decided to switch to kratom to help the comedown and withdrawals. Then I started abusing the kratom and taking way more than I should’ve been, especially for someone using it to come off of opiates. Now I’m having the same problems with the kratom. Today I’m starting to taper down the amount I was taking daily. I tried to just knock it cold turkey, but (like with taking pain pills) I can’t handle the come down. I have 2 young kids that keep me very busy. I can’t have a few days of not being able to function because I’m detoxing. I just hate myself so fucking much. And my dumb ass still tried to take pain pills a couple days ago, while using kratom. That was honestly stupid af. So here I am. In the same position as I was a couple months ago when I said it was time to stop pain pills.. I have no self control or will power. I cave every time, one way or another. Why tf do we do this to ourselves? I wish it would all just go away…
Hey Macey.
I hear ya.
I don’t have any experience with detoxing or coming down off your doc.
But I do know I had to get a lot of support to get sober. Knowledge. Being on here. Meetings. Friends. Family. And I had to make the decision to STOP. No More!!
I hope you can find what you’re looking for.
i couldn’t find the strength either; i just surrendered to being an addict and went to NA online meetings , 5 a day inthe first days, every moment i just thought to geton a meeting and keep goingforward without picking up, i also had to time it with my menstrual cycle,. a week before i was usually the worst addict i could be, extremely self destructive, then whenmy cycle starts i give up, this time i gave up the desire to go back to the cycle ofmiseryand keep going forwarda d listened to other addicts in NA meetings and hear how they live their day to day clean. I can’t do it by myself, my head tells me lies. one addict helping another, keep trying you are worth it! 
There’s a cost to sobriety, a price we all pay. We know what that price is; it’s withdrawls, sickness, shakes, sweats, countless sleepless nights, pain, boredom, time. Unfortunately, what we get from sobriety, at first, doesn’t always feel worth the cost we pay, and so we stay active in our addiction. But addiction has a cost of its own, and it’s a lot more insidious.
There comes a time in our addiction where we have to ask ourselves, are we ready to pay the price of sobriety?
Fortunately, the cost we pay gets less and less as time goes on, meanwhile the benefits of sobriety grow exponentially.
Keep sharing here, pain shared is pain divided; it’ll get easier.