Well, at first and for a long while I blamed his drinking on my inability to get sober. It took me time and someone on here suggesting that my drinking was 100% MY responsibility and his drinking was HIS responsibility and not mine. That helped me realize that I control my own choices…no one else’s.
For me, once I really understood that I was the one in control (or not) of my drinking, it was a turning point. Just because someone is drinking near me doesn’t mean I have to drink. It sounds simple, but it wasn’t for me.
So in the early days, I went to bed early A LOT. I would take long baths. Long walks or runs in the evening or attend fitness classes. I DID avoid him when he was drinking at first because it was hard for sure. I would read or watch shows in bed or sleep if possible. I would bake or journal or come on here and read. Walking and running and fitness classes probably helped the most, plus just going in another room.
I definitely did not engage in important discussions when he had been drinking. And I didn’t expect him not to drink. I did ask for zero wine in the house tho and it took awhile, but he finally got that. I would pour out any I found. All the other booze and beer I wasn’t triggered by.
It isn’t easy when you live with a drinker, but he put up with me being a really effed up angry mean asshole for years, so I definitely allow him some grace. He is neither angry, nor mean. He is actually a very kind and caring human and husband with a drinking problem. Of course not every partner is understanding or kind and if he was abusive verbally or physically or an asshole or drinking thru our life savings, it would be a whole other story. But he is none of that.
Idk if any of that helps. Here are some other threads you may find some pearls in
…hope they help.