I am such a mess. I cannot stop self sabotaging. I try to fill my loneliness with work, drinking, and cocaine to bring me up. It is a cycle I can’t quit. I am successful, independent, and intelligent. I just can’t stop filling time with drinking and drugs. How do I stop this?
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Get to an aa meeting, work the programme to the best of your ability, it got this hopeless addict clean and a renewed sense of being.
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I feel like I can’t commit to a programme, unless I am void of my entire life. I will try.
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Desperation is a gift, willingness is the key. Honesty and open mindedness also.
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Unless you void your entire life?
Not been rude just wondering what you mean?
I think that she means that she feels like she cannot commit to a programme unless she hits rock bottom and kisses everything’s that she holds dear.
Too many people do not get the help they need and deserve as they are successful, Holding down a job and own their own home. You can’t have a problem serious enough unless your homeless drinking other of a brown paper bag. They just need to realise that will be where they end up if they don’t do something about this soon. I wish the OP the best. 
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Hi KC,
That is untrue.
I started a recovery program last summer.
For me there was loss to some degree. I lost 3 things.
The relationship and bond with the mom of my son. (which was toxic, Addict VS borderline)
The loss of my job (which I am very happy with)
Lost the intens friendship with my stepbrother (which turned out to be build on using together)
But going into treatment saved me from dispare and further loss.
I am sitting now with my son under my arm cuddling. All because I am sober now.
So yeah… You might lose some parts but trust me, that are the parts we need to loose to gain life.
Nothing I would trait for the 20 years I was under the influence.
NA is a life saver for me.
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First and foremost it’s the desire to really want to stay stopped,that your life it absolutely chaos or your do or die,the desire to want to stop is a massive motivator for sure, determination it another,ylthe want and need for a better life healthy life the list goes on but if your feeling any of theses your in a good position to start as you mean to go on read the threads there’s so much great information on here also maybe reach out to a drug and alcohol support service they have so much to offer.
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Nail and head come to mind
Yes, that’s what I thought and it’s such a shame to think that 
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That is so true…
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I was in the EXACT same position you were in my friend. You’ve already planted the seeds of Sobriety within your head. I was afraid of stopping because I was scared of I would go about living after stopping everything. I took a chance and slapped myself into a Rehab with an open mind. I did it for 2 weeks and boy… Was that the best decision I’ve ever made. You can do this… You can overcome it. It’s just up to you to take that step. I know I’ll be fine by the time I’m 40 now because I stopped drinkong and drugging. A lot has changed so much within a span of 3 Months. It’s as if 3 years went by. You can do this! Remember, you’re not alone!
Hey hon ! Check out roadmap to recovery war h every single one … it’s helped me a lot !! You tube. Basically the way it explains it is in the beginning of use the pros out way the cons then through the additction process the brain literally requires the DOC- therefore completely taking yourself out of picture that’s when the cons outweigh the pros and it’s a problem . If you need to get there like I did to get clean than do it mindfully and set it that you are going to stop . Keep a log , try workin out or reading … really helped me . Good luck
Well then you might be lucky enough to have a “high bottom” meaning that you started to recognize that alcohol was a problem BEFORE it took absolutely everything away from you. I can say from personal experience that your bottom is where YOU stop digging. It doesn’t have to be when youre completely void of the life you had. It comes whenever you decide it does.
I am successful, independent, and intelligent. if so try a meeting they will help wish you well
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take yourself to a N.A. or A.A. meeting. that will help your feelings of loneliness, and hopefully help u get way ur destructive way of using substances to fill ur void 
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Welcome to the community Alexandra, is lemon your first name or a nickname?.
thank you it’s my lastname actually 
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I struggled with the same problem. Then I was told this at a meeting: “You’re pretty smart. Well, you better get stupid real quick because this disease will kill you and you know nothing about beating it.” I wrote this inside the cover of my 12 Steps book and read it daily. Ego (false pride) was holding me back from being open to do what I need to be doing.
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I was caught up in a cycle of working a 10 hour day, come home and do coke so I could stay up and get things done around the house, then drink to come down and sleep just to do it all over again the next day. I would take pain pills while doing all the other stuff. I finally had to give into detox and out patient rehab, AA and this app to change my ways. Breaking the behavior is hard work but you have to wanna change it. Make the commitment and replace all those bad habits with some form of a program. Wishing you success in your sobriety. 
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