Iv wanted to stoped taking drugs for the last 3 years i just cant do it, i know what its doing to me i feel drained, tired, depressed every single day. My addiction has taken over my life, its ruined relationships friendships and now im pretty close to losing my home. im using cocaine sometimes everyday. Id rather die than live like this i wish i had more confidence just to kill myself then finally i would be at peace.
I cant take it anymore no matter what i try to stop i can go 3 or 4 days without using somtimes over a week then i just crumble and i get drugs why cant i be strong minded enough just to let go its killing me its ruining my looks iv had enough i cant take it anymore
It’s good you can get to a week without using. It’s when you reach this point, when you feel better the viscous cycle begins again. This is when you have to really take it one day at a time and do not use.
It’s great to have you join us here, there are so many supportive people here. I myself used cocaine and alcohol and with the support and encouragement from everyone here I have managed to stay sober from everything for over a year and a half.
Once you reach that day when you want to use after days of not using, keep busy, once you realise you can get through that first hard day when you usually would use, and the cravings are strong you will feel so much better in the morning. You will realise you can then get through another day because you are capable.
Also asking for help from professionals honestly isn’t as bad as we imagine it to be. We may hear of very few who have had bad experiences but I’d say this doesn’t happen often and can usually be the person making reasons it wouldn’t work without trying first as our addictive mind won’t let us see that asking for help works to help us begin a sober life, a very high majority of professionals want to help. And so many people start a successfully fulfilled sober journey this way too. There’s no shame in needing support and help if you find it difficult.
One thing here we all know is how you feel right now, do you have a plan for yourself ?
Remember one day at a time, then they will start stacking up.
Thankyou for your reply, Its very difficult dealing with the cravings, the majority of the time cocaine is not on my mind im a functioning addict who can go to work, however i can just randomly get the urge to go and pick up then ill miss 2days work because im depressed or rough from the drugs. i try and fight the thoughts remind myself what its doing to me some times i can go that extra day but the followiing day im using again. I cant comprehend why its so difficult to not get it. Why cant i just stop
Im stuck in a place where im disappointing myself over and over again, i would give my left arm to stop taking it. I try to keep busy i pick up extra hours at work, i go to the gym, then at the end of the night i can still go and pick up or when i get paid my brain just says buy drugs, i feel digusting iv contemplated suicide so many times. Im embarrased by myself.
I did attened some meetings in the past but then i still found myself using, iv gone past the point where i dont need alchol i just use cocaine. Id love to go into rehab but its too expensive.
I dont have a plan no, i cant really think properly half the time and i feel like i have no one to talk too in my home life. I guess thats because im too embarassed to open up and speak about things iv always thought. Everyone has there own problems to deal with so why do they need to listen to me im just pathetic. and iv pushed people away who have cared about me.
I don’t know me, myself anymore … I don’t know who I am as a person, all I know is drugs, I don’t know what its like to be sobar, To have control of my life and my affairs I’m powerless over drugs. I don’t know what its like to live and feel normal
This is along the same path I was on, even when I used it didn’t even make me feel good anymore. I’d be paranoid staring at the walls then sleep repeat.
You have lots of support here, and take a good read around and you will see you are not alone.
This sounds like your rock bottom, your here and reaching out and that is really good. This is the start for you, you recognise you don’t want to carry on like this.
That’s it exactly. We are all powerless over our addictions. That doesn’t mean we’re helpless - powerless and helpless are not the same thing - we are powerless because we don’t have the power without outside help.
With outside help, and with work, we can do it, one day at a time.
Have you considered detoxing and/or rehab? Once you’ve got a few weeks sober you can work a program and find your healthy life.
I was about to took my own life. I don’t remember almost anything, but my ex wife said I was going to kitchen to grab a knife and said that Im gonna finish what my father started, he almost killed me 10+ years ago while drunk, by stabing me with knife.
But I got injured my hand by smashing it into window and tht lead to being half hand handicapped right now.
I was holding a lot of pain, and struggled with 4 years of constant panic attacks every day before. I became addicted to clonazepam and other drugs. I remember the pain was almost physical, like bones crushing. I can at least try to understand how You feel or I know that sometimes We just need someone to answer! To reply. To care. To share. To be listened.
Sometimes to be heard is at least we can do to ease, that pain. You are welcome to the family. You are not alone!
There is many stories to be heard, and there is a lot of pain shared here… But We also share bright moments, Happines, Friendship and success stories!
They all different and people are different. Some are more Conservative, some creative, motivating and innovating. I am sure You can find some stories that can inspire you and give that light… It is possible! So many people went through hell here. And they here today. Happy. Free. Some are true living examples to others counting 1000 thousand and Years of Years of Freedom and Happines!
I think first of all being here, reaching for help, talking, sharing pain and experience is essential Key for freedom! And You already did first and hardest steps!
I believe One day You will be the one who Inspires others in pain and suffering!
I used to abuse cocaine. One Sat it was a beautiful day outside around 11am and I was in my rented unit after losing my marriage, my home almost partial custody of my kids and my day was going to be gram of coke and bottle of Jack…again. I was hurting inside so bad.
I broke down and cried and prayed to God to help me (not trying to preach or convert here) and He heard my prayer. I no longer use cocaine, cigarettes or weed but unfortunately still struggle with alcohol and valium and sleeping pills from time to time. Thankfully I am to the Naked Mind as AA didn’t really work for me and finding it helps. Prayer helps too.
Take care my friend. You CAN and you WILL beat this.
Hi SCP, welcome to the forum. It’s good your posting here friend. It sounds like you really need someone to talk to. While this can be a good place to reach out, you may prefer to speak with someone in person. Please consider talking with someone about these dark thoughts…they are there to help and listen…
Call or text 988
The Lifeline provides 24/7, free and confidential support for people in distress, prevention and crisis resources for you or your loved ones, and best practices for professionals in the United States. Website also offers an immediate chat box.
Welcome @SCP
I hope you will continue to reach out to us here. We all suffer with addiction on this forum, yet we have been given the opportunity to learn and grow with one another.
From one part of the world to the next, we have come together for support, guidance, encouragement and maybe at times just to lean on another member at times.
I highly recommend checking in here often each day…give up other social media and only have contact with SOBER people. (For the time being it will be crucial to recovery)
This all sounds scary. I promis you will not only find out who your friends are, but what YOU are capable of!!!
One day, one hour, one minute…ONE SECOND at a time. The DESIRE to be sober comes from within.
I still spend days living and breathing these words.
I can really hear your pain and desperation. Sometimes it is in the most painful place when you are truly tired of your own shit, then you decide the pain of staying the same is worse than the pain of change.
Rehab certainly may be a good idea. Getting to some NA or Smart meetings is surely a good idea. @anon53116147 is just out of rehab, if memory serves he was anxious about going and it was a real turning point, I think.
Welcome to the forum!
I can relate to how you’re feeling. I was hooked on cocaine for years. Every single day I wanted to stop but didn’t have the willpower. The money I wasted was unbelievable. I owned 3 houses but my addiction got so bad I had to sell 2 and almost lost the home I live in to foreclosure. Thankfully, I reached out for help before I lost everything. I went to an intensive outpatient program to get started and then onto AA (I also started drinking a lot towards the end of my cocaine use). I would have went to NA but couldn’t find any local and wasn’t aware they’re available online ilat the start. There’s no shame in asking for help. We can’t do this alone. What can you do today to aide in your own recovery?
Hey I can really relate alot. Cocaine destroyed me and I just wanted it all to end. I knew I had people who loved me and needed me. But I just was so gone that I didn’t realize it. I kept hitting rock bottom and trying to do things my way, thinking I didn’t need rehab or anything like that. I told myself my last relapse that if I fucked up again I was going to rehab, well sure enough I relapsed, now I had to stay accountable and true to myself so i called a rehab, I was scared the whole time they told me I had 6 days and they would have a bed. I stayed sober those six days and entered rehab. I had two girls who needed me but honestly if I didn’t do rehab they never would of had me. I learned a lot in rehab and got to really focus on myself and mental health, from there my counselor recommended a half way house. I said fuck that I’m not doing a half way house I’m better then that I’ll have 28 days clean my girls need me. And then something hit me and I felt my heart say you need to do something different this time, so I entered a half way house July 5 I was so scared in the half way house i wanted to leave that same day, the counselors were like give it some time you need to adjust and I was like alright I’ll give it a week, then a week turned into 3 months and now I’m 10 months in the half way house with 11 months of sobriety. I’m starting college in August, I have a routine, I attend groups everyday, I’ve learned more about my addiction then I could ever imagine, I became a recovery coach. The list goes on of how much I’ve truly been blessed and achieved because of rehab and a half way house. Listen to your heart, don’t say well I can go to rehab because of this or that or bills or w.e that shit can all wait, you need to focus on yourself and get the work In. Either that or soon it will be death, and trust me you don’t want to die just yet I’ve tried twice and it was the worse thing I’ve ever felt. Much love hope this helps
Hey everyone thankyou for all your words, i havnt been on here for along time as my head completly fell off and i ciuldnt deal with life at all.
Update : i feel better im not 100% but im getting there iv mananaged to cut my usage down by 90% i still keep relapsing after around 4 weeks, only using a little rather than alot im determined to turn my back on this once and for all
Thanks so much for checking in and updating us SCP. I’m glad to read you’re making progress and I hope you’ll be able to totally quit your usage once and for all soon. Please know that we’re in this together! Maybe this place and the people here can give you some support. Sure helped me tremendously. Thanks again and wishing you all success friend.
i cant take it anymore
