Hi Hope, welcome! This thread has lots of good readings about addiction:
Resources for our recovery
There’s so many good books and podcasts, I’m sure you’ll find one that speaks to you.
It’s scary at first. But after a while you’ll feel clearer, more steady. You’ve been throwing your time away into poison. You’ve been avoiding life because something about it scares you. Gradually as you work your sobriety you’ll meet the sober you. She’s wonderful. Get to know her.
There are online meetings which in these times are helpful. You can just listen in at first, say you’ll pass if you don’t want to speak. Everyone in that meeting has been where you are. Being able to connect and understand is so helpful as you start unpacking who you were, and becoming who you want to be, now.
Online meeting resources