I don’t want to admit sobriety is my only choice

Emotional Support
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Hi friends, new here. My name is Hope and I’m 23. Tonight I made the very daunting decision to finally admit I have noticed and obsessed over some very problematic habits when it comes to alcohol. I’ve never had to really face it before the quarantine because I’m young and social and it was easy to “let loose and get silly with friends” without going out of my way. Since March however, the longest I have gone without a drink has been a sad attempt of “Sober October” that lasted 10 days. It’s accumulated into an every day thing now. I’ve started buying shooters or tall boys on my way home and hiding them from my partner. On the rare occasion we hang out with friends I always leave the drunkest one. I can’t explain it, but once I have one beer, it feels like I can’t stop. I’ll just keep drinking as long as it’s there. Even sneaking around friends or family. I’ll make excuses to buy alcohol and then need to borrow money for gas. It’s a scary out-of-control feeling that I can’t pin down. My aunt was an alcoholic and my sister has serious meth and crack addictions in addition to being homeless currently; but I always attributed these to mental health issues. Schizoaffecfive disorder runs rampant in my family. The rest of my family shows no alcoholism that I know of.

When I was 19, I had a serious problem with cocaine for close to a year (that I hardly remember much of) and finally quit cold turkey one day after feeling like I was a shit person surrounded by shit people. I still crave it to this day but haven’t touched the stuff for 2 years this February!! It was much harder than I expected and affected my mental health to the point of constant suicidal ideation, but eventually got me to recognize my underlying mental health problems. I smoked weed heavily for years, constantly, until I noticed how much anxiety it also gave me. I have no problem being around weed now because the mental toll is so instant I receive no gratification from it.

I guess I just wanted to post here for some finality to this decision. I feel scared I will lose friends, or be boring. I’m scared I’ll give up and feel like a loser. I’m scared that I’m over-reacting. I’m scared to feel the real weight of addiction and look at myself honestly. I’ve been scrolling on here for a few months and have tested the water with some friends, but nothing to the point of admitting really honest truths about my addiction. I sat my long-term girlfriend down tonight and finally told her everything. She suggested moderating drinking but I just have this GUT feeling that the ONLY option is no option. She thanked me for telling her and was concerned about drinking and driving. We came up with a safe plan for when I feel triggered or intense cravings. I have a job working with at-risk youth that I love and I want to go back to school. I want to stop now before it gets in the way of living fully. 23 is young, I don’t know what I’m doing, but I’ve always trusted my gut and I seem to have an addictive personality. So, I think I’m saying that I’m an alcoholic. I’m scared shitless to be sober, but the thought excites me. I really want to succeed. What helped most in the beginning for you?

Do any of you have some book recommendations? I find it very empowering to learn about brain chemistry. I struggle with trauma and clinical depression and I’ve found a lot of good resources hide in science for me :slight_smile: I’m new and scared and I don’t understand these feelings so any input from y’all would be nice.

Thank you for being a resource I knew I wanted before I knew I needed it.

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You possibly an alcoholic, it took me forever to embrace it, I was told I had a drinking problem at 22, yet I refused to accept it, I waited till I was 37.

I am terribly sorry to hear about your sister. But look at your own actions your about to be in the same place, borrowing money for gas? But plenty of booze. Always being the drunkest of your circle of friends,

1 is too many, but never enough, I was that guy who drank to oblivion, no doubt the idea was I would black out drink daily why? Cause I could

At 23 your making the right choice the average is mid 40s, your well ahead of the curve,

Beibg a boring sober bitch, highly unlikely. I was always thinking I didn’t want to be that square who didn’t drink, but in the end I was the one who couldn’t stop, I’d rather be sober, I’m twice as entertaining and I also, dont have to face the repercussions of a night out on a bender. Plus the ladies here are far from boring.

I’d start with the 12 & 12 and the AA or NA books. Just tearing through them is a incredible wealth of knowledge and power I’m not an avid reader so I’m sure others will have more suggestions

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welcome here. what an honest open share and what a brave decision you made. This group of people are amazing and give lots of support and accountability.
Maybe looking at video’s of Gabor Mate is interesting. he works a lot with addiction and trauma. I found him very inspirational.
Hand in there, one day at the time.
Blessings and love
(sorry fury, somehow it posted as a reply to you… )

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Hi @LivingHonestly welcome! The first step of admitting you have a problem is a big step…well done. I am the same, in the regards of can’t just have one. Becoming sober was the best decision I ever made! It’s hard work but it is so totally worth it.i am so glad you found this place. I wish you well on your journey and I look forward to hearing more from you :pray:t2::two_hearts:

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Yes, that’s the thought I keep coming back to now. If I know my behavior is not healthy, I might as well face my demons before it is even harder from years of hiding. Thank you for the support and understanding :heart:

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Hi, Hope! What an awesome thing to hear that you were able to kick a coke habit like that before it truly, truly got out of control. Especially at that age? Self-control is not necessarily an easy thing. Haha

You’re right. 23 is young. Hell, I’m 26, and I still think ‘I’m too young to be doing this to myself’. The important thing is not to beat yourself up too much and to recognize that there’s nothing wrong with admitting you think you have a problem - although, I get it, it’s an incredibly humbling experience and somewhat scary.

You’ve been through withdrawal before. It sucks; but, you also know what it feels like after you get past all of that. Things begin to normalize. Your mind begins to go back.

All these thoughts and concerns of being ‘boring’ or losing friends in the process? Don’t worry about that stuff right now. For now, it’s you, the people around you who truly care, and your aspirations. At least for me, a lot of quitting boils down to habit. Your brain becomes so incredibly use to the routine of buying those shooters, the tall boys, maybe the occasional (or common in my case) fifth and drinking as soon as you get home from work. It’ll feel weird to break the routine - hell, frustrating. But just hang in there.

Think forward to a time when, and it will happen, it’ll one day feel weird the idea of slamming a few drinks back the second you get home. Why? Because you’ve got stuff you’ve grown accustomed to whenever you get home now.

As for a book? It deals both with addiction and personal traits, but I’ve thoroughly enjoyed ‘Stop Self-Sabotage’. I quite enjoyed it (and still do), because it’s reading coupled with asking you to do writing exercises, daily goal-oriented exercises, and is very hands-on. You might find you also enjoy it.

Just remember to stay strong and, rather than think about possible setbacks and hurdles, channel that excitement you mentioned towards the end of your post. You’re excited to get sober; do it. Absolutely do it. If it doesn’t feel great after a few months, hell, alcohol isn’t going anywhere. But I think you’ll find you won’t miss it.

You can do this, and you will so long as you truly want to.

We’re all here. We’re all rooting for you. Reach out if you need anything. :relieved:

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Why? You managed to feel it with cocaine and marijuana, and used this feeling to get free from them. Why is this so difficult? Is it because alcohol is legal everywhere and “socially acceptable”?

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Welcome! This is a great place with caring people. I recommend This naked mind by annie grace. It takes you through the science part of addiction.

I wish i would’ve hung it up at 23. Follow your gut feeling.

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Hi Hope, welcome! This thread has lots of good readings about addiction:
Resources for our recovery

There’s so many good books and podcasts, I’m sure you’ll find one that speaks to you.

It’s scary at first. But after a while you’ll feel clearer, more steady. You’ve been throwing your time away into poison. You’ve been avoiding life because something about it scares you. Gradually as you work your sobriety you’ll meet the sober you. She’s wonderful. Get to know her.

There are online meetings which in these times are helpful. You can just listen in at first, say you’ll pass if you don’t want to speak. Everyone in that meeting has been where you are. Being able to connect and understand is so helpful as you start unpacking who you were, and becoming who you want to be, now.
Online meeting resources

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I can tell you something scarier than all of these things and that is wasting your life in addiction. I think a lot of us can relate to everything you said about hiding it and not being able to stop at just one. We all wish we had quit when you did, you are still so young! And smart for recognizing that alcohol is a problem. Alcoholism is a slippery slope. Unfortunately, it only gets worse. Listen to your gut. Moderation isn’t an option.
As for books, This Naked Mind helped me a lot in the beginning! I wish you the best… :purple_heart:

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I second this recommendation :point_up_2:

I downloaded the audio book a while ago and I’ve listened to it twice so far. Really great book that will teach you a lot about addiction and specifically alcohol.

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I read Allen Carr’s “Stop Drinking Now” It is a very logical and philosophical approach to addiction that resonated with me. I believe "The Naked Mind by Annie Grace is similar. I have not read it though.

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Find other things to do that will make your life better and improve your situation. Figure out who you are and what you want long term and focus on that instead of getting fucked up.

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That sounds a lot like me at 23. I totally understand that helter skelter feeling if I start drinking. I have never been able to control it once I start. However, if I don’t have that first drink, I can. It may be hard to resist some weird thoughts I have (I deserve a drink, this time will be different) but it is possible. Annie Grace has an online 30 day “alcohol experiment” with videos, homework, etc.

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Thank you :white_heart: it’s hard to know when is the right decision. But I went back to old journal entries and it looks like alchohol has caused me much anxiety for the last few years. Even if it’s only 3/10 times I black out or get hungover, why take the risk?

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Thank you :heart::heart: how old were you when you stopped drinking?

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Yuppppp. At some point it’s just easier to say, “No thanks. That’s just not for me anymore.”

I wrangled with this for a long time, too. And honestly, in hindsight it’s a lot less anxiety being resolved to be done. No more doubt. No more risks.

Cuz I just don’t drink.

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Thank you all for such kind words and affirmations. I’m going on my 3rd day! Something about it feels different this time than every other “sober month” I’ve done. Like the finality makes the choice less daunting in a way.

I did reach out to an old college who I remember had gotten sober a few years ago and she was so thrilled to be a resource and invited me to the daily group she attends (online) so I’m going to give that a shot

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Ha, 38. 15 more years of shit.