I really messed up this time. I just can’t seem to get my head out of my ass and stay clean. I violated probation. I left rehab when he told me not to. I dont know what im doing anymore. Who am I? I’m too smart for this. I have made the Deans list every semester for the past two years yet here I am on Felony probation getting violated because I can’t pass a urine screen to save my ass. What the fuck is wrong with me? Why can’t I just stop? Why doesn’t that switch in my brain that tells me to stop flip? What am I doing wrong? Why is this so hard?
12 Likes
Most addicts are highly intelligent, it’s part of what addiction preys on. Intelligence feeds ego , and our ego makes surrendering harder imo.
Keep trying, spend tons of time consuming sobriety related content. You can do this.
6 Likes
You are a student and here is a link with lots of books and information. When you read some of this, you will start to understand what is happening to you and hopefully learn some ways to get a handle on it.
@SassyRocks one of the moderators put this together.
1 Like
Here is another thread written by our moderator @HoofHearted
1 Like
Welcome to the community!
There’s lots of support here for you. I’m glad you found the site.
2 Likes
Welcome to the community, use it well and stay focused. 
If you are searching out sobriety sites the reason you can’t stop is because you are an addict. Your portion control is set to more.
As an addict there is no substance moderation. Put down your drug of choice, pull up a chair here and discover your addict.
There is always someone around here if you need us. Welcome to recovery. I hope to see you around.