I am six days away from a year and now face the biggest test of my sobriety.
The foundation of my sobriety has been accountability, mostly in the form of my wife. We got pregnant in January and had our son in September so I was able to make the excuse I wasn’t drinking because of her pregnancy and showing support. I’ve always told myself that I cannot get drunk because she may need to go to the hospital at any moment (we had some complications during the pregnancy)
Now that I’ve got my son, its the same mindset, I cannot be drunk in case God forbid something happens and we need to go to the emergency room. Plus, I cannot care for him alone if I am drunk. Long story short, this entire lockdown and whatnot has been relatively easy because I’ve just always been around something or someone to hold me accountable.
Well now its about to end,
My dad went into the ICU over the weekend and it is not looking good. The doctors said basically if you want to see him again this is the only time. His surgery was unsuccessful and he is on a ventilator.
So my wife and I discussed it and determined the safest thing would be for me to fly up alone to prevent risking her or my son from any sort of exposure and make it easier for me to fly up and back faster.
Traveling was one of the biggest triggers for me to drink. I’ve shown up to airports hours early to drink before the flight and going home alone I know I will be surrounded by my family’s extreme drinking culture. Last time I came up alone I was drunk almost the entire week.
I told my wife I was so scared I would throw away the 359 days on this trip. All I can think about as I sit in this airport is drinking before I board and drinking on the plane.
Are there AA meetings you can attend in the area? There are online ones too: Online meeting resources
Attend one in the morning, one at lunch and/or later in the day. Sounds crazy? Maybe. But is it any crazier than getting wasted? And there’s no hangover.
You mention your family’s drinking culture. Lordy lord that is a pain; so many people and places are pickled in the drinking culture.
You don’t have to spend more time there than you want to. Your goal is to see your father. You can do that, and if you want, stay in a hotel, or with a friend, or you can just go for a couple days and not a week, or _____.
Get creative and pull out all the stops. The basic truth is this: you’re allowed to do anything safe and legal to maintain your sobriety.
You may also be worrying about family saying, Hey why don’t you have one with us? You don’t have to do that. If you need to leave sooner, then leave; or you can just walk around with a cup filled with Perrier or diet root beer. Whatever. If there’s something already in your hands, no one will ask.
Take care brother. You are a good person who deserves a safe, sober life.
You need to sit with these thoughts mate and not give in.
I’m sorry to hear about your dad. Never a great thing at anytime.
What do you think he would say if you drank now?
Basically, you have hit a stresser that you haven’t had to face whilst sober.
You brain is reverting back to default setting of how you would have handled this in the past.
It’s a learned behaviour.
What you have to do is relearn how to behave. The only way to do this is to experience it.
Keep reaching out buddy, we are here with you 24/7.
You do know what to do, or rather what not to do. Sorry to hear about your father. My mother is currently at the end of her life too, and my challenge will be the socialising after the funeral, but I’m confident I will make it OK. Run the tape forward, how would you feel after drinking at the airport or on the plane? Perhaps at the first opportunity tell the steward/stewardess not to serve you alcohol. You will feel proud of yourself if you manage to not drink so run that tape forward as well.
I’ll so sorry about your father… I can’t imagine what you must be going through. I know the emotional stress you must be under is weighing on your mind, making you want to drink. All I can think to tell you is that your wife and the people that love you (assuming your dad as well) would not want you to throw away all that time you spent building yourself up and being sober. And more importantly, it sounds like you don’t want that for yourself, either.
I really hear you, very sick relatives, meeting people who drink, flying, 3 massive triggers all at once. I will only say you are still accoutable to yourself and your wife, that doesn’t change. And you gotta prepare. Things like set up check-in times with your wife when you call her. After you get past security and immigration buy a big bottle of non-alcoholic drink to sup on. I would get mints/chewing gum to entertain your mouth and a book/sudoku whatever to entertain your hands.
And that is tough about your dad. Sending strength.
Dont give in hun! I had 13 month of sobriety and I allowed my life stresses & triggers get the best of me & I relapsed hard! I almost died this time & for what? Nothing is better drinking, its soooo much worse! I ended up in the hospital and then rehab. I wish I would’ve picked up the phone or came on here before I picked up that first drink cuz we both know one is too many & a thousand is never enough! Catch a zoom meeting or research meetings in your area. Call your sponsor. Just remember how miserable you will be after the buzz wears off. Prayers your way! Hang in there, you’ve come this far, take it one day at a time.
Hi! I’m sorry about your dad and the situation you find yourself in.
Don’t give in. You were bound to see your family at one point or another and this is a battle you had to fight on your own. See it as establishing a new dynamic with your family, which is very important for your sobriety. Please know you don’t need to drink away your feelings.
Also, you will need to drive to the hospital and talk to doctors, you need to be sober for this and maybe even someone your family will rely on as designated driver. Your father needs you right now and you need to be present - drinking will only make you absent.
I hope this helps and that you stay strong - a year of sobriety is too long to throw away especially when you know you will be triggered. Use all the tools you’ve learned and stay sober.
Oh and airports! Do you have Netflix? Download a movie or a TV show and watch it while you wait for your flight. I’d recommend to not even go near the bar or any store. Just wait for your flight watching your movie and same thing during your flight. I think because of covid they might not be offering drinks and if they are think that you should actually be wearing your mask rather than drinking.
Thank you everyone for reaching out. The week has been surprisingly fine, my sister was very supportive of my sobriety and my mom and stepfather don’t drink anyway so it has been easy staying with them. With the new lock downs it has been easy not going anywhere.
The bad news is, we lost our father today.
All I can say now having gone through this I how much I appreciate being sober for this moment. We had to come through some power of attorney issues and deal with some end of life decisions and I am so thankful I was clear minded during all of that.
My sister and her husband invited me out to a bar after the hospital and I was able to politely say no and head back home.
I thank you all for your support leading up to this.
Sorry to hear that you lost your father. I lost my mother about two hours ago so I can empathise. Even though, like with your father, it was expected for a few days it still hits you when it happens doesn’t it? Also glad and grateful to have been sober. My thoughts, best wishes, and prayers.
I’m so sorry for both of your devastating losses. They are ancestors now. Wishing you both much strength and the will to remain sober during such sadness.
I am sorry for your loss as well. You’re right no matter what happens leading up to it, it still is shocking. Ill keep you in my prayers hope your family is doing okay.
