I feel like a liar. Story/looking for advice

I’ve had many friends “support” me in my decision to be clean and sober (I will use the two interchangeably, because I seldom relapse with just one thing, so either term refers to refraining from drugs, drinking, self harm, and eating disorder behavior) but only one person has ever consistently been there for me. He’s saved my life many times, and I love him (platonically) more than I’ve ever loved anyone before. We’ve only been friends since late October 2019, but I havent had anyone care about me like that ever. The way our conversations usually work is that when we run out places to go conversation-wise, one of us asks to vent. The problem is that he’s been a little busy recently (which is okay) so we only talk for a little at a time. That means that we dont really run out of topics and resort to ranting to each other, so he thought I was sober for much longer than I was. When march break started and was immediately extended to 3 weeks (I’m in high school in Ontario) I told him that this felt like the last time I start from square 1. I told him that this time felt different. 6 days in, I relapsed with one vice which ended up being a full relapse, and me getting badly hurt. Because he and I havent talked about anything super personal, he thought I was clean, and then received an email from rehab when I wrote letters to those I cared about thanking them. He hasn’t gotten mad, or behaved badly in any way, but I can tell that he doesn’t trust me anymore. I’m doing all I can to have him trust me, but my addictions keep winning. I feel like I’ve been lying to him by not telling him the whole story of how I ended up in rehab, even though I dont think he has any desire to find out. Any advice, clarity, or even just acknowledgment of my situation would be greatly appreciated, thank you

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Hey there good morning,it’s great you had someone there to help you thru so.e of you r toughest times but ATM were living in a very strange world with all this cov19 maybe he’s struggling himself to get his head around life ATM and In turn he may not have what your looking for at the moment and that’s supportt with no judgement a friend,there are many many online meetings happening all over the world ATM to support addicts and there behaviour somewhere safe to listen and share @Sassyrocks I beleive could point you in the right direction,I’m sorry you relapsed aswell its a though one out of the 4 you choose 1 I understand that led to the rest I’m the same I’m a drug addict but I can’t drink bc I know that leads me bk to my doc so my advice would be if you can to not pick up or do that first one,maybe with your friend write him a letter saying how you feel your thoughts and ask him to reply if he can that may help you both understand this friendship from both sides,keep connected and reaching out :heart::heart::heart::heart::heart::heart::pray::pray::pray::pray::pray:


I think @Lilemm wanted you to have this link to meetings. See the intherooms link attached, it may be helpful for you. :heart:

Online meeting resources: