I feel so alone now that I’m sober

I love being sober but I’ve always struggled with my mental health and have turned to substances to numb the emotional pain. Now that I am sober I’m dealing with my mental health in healthier ways, but I feel alone. I cut myself off from all the people who were using with me. I don’t know how to find anyone to spend time with at my age without going to a bar. Plus everyone in my hometown either drinks or is on something. I’m so isolated and I don’t know what to do

20 Likes

Welcome to TS. I am glad that you are with us on this journey.

What you are feeling is something often discussed here and a lot of us go through this. This doesn’t mean it is not serious. It means that you are not alone with it.

Have you tried attending meetings. I found it helpful to meet people irl, listen to their stories and sharing some of my thoughts.

12 Likes

Maybe there are some online forums where you can meet and mingle with sober people. Or take the time for some self-reflection and getting to know who you are and what you want.

8 Likes

It’s not easy making new friends. True. Still, looking back and reflecting on the time I was drinking and smoking, the people I was around then weren’t real friends. We were using together. The togetherness and friendships were fake. Which is as much my own fault as anybody’s.

Also drinking and smoking didn’t cure me from my social anxiety. In fact it slowly made it worse until I felt totally isolated and lonely. Which I felt all the stronger and clearer once I got sober.

Now I am sober and clean for a while I found some new and real friends. I found them right here. Our sober peers are very good potential friends wherever you may find them. And now I am a bit further in my personal journey of Recovery and Discovery -I worked hard on my defects in psychotherapy- I’m beginning to have the courage to meet new people in my own town and outside of the circle of my addict peers too.

They are literally anywhere and everywhere, these potential friends. We just lack the social skills to meet them on a level playing field. because of our addict ways. Time to learn! Glad you’re here. Hugs.

13 Likes

I don’t want to derail the thread but your post was the good night story I needed today . Thank you so much :pray:

6 Likes

I found it difficult at first too, as my social group and family were/are all frequent drinkers. It took some discomfort at first (stepping outside of my comfort zone) but it got easier. I thought about the things, activities, sports etc that I enjoy and I decided to “go do” and met people along the way. For example, I started playing tennis again… started learning a second language. Travel to places and meet other travellers. Invite friends/family over for dinner and/or boardgames. Found friends who like to go to the movies or walks along the beach. I love talking about books and movies, so I use them as ice breakers and a way to find mutual interests. The people closest to me supported me when I told them I no longer drink. They wanted me to be my best and they help me be it :blush: you can find people like this too :heart: and of course, when I need to express things that relate to sobriety/drinking/hardships/recovery etc I come here to TS and have found/“met” so many amazing ppl who truly care and want to help and know what it’s like.

9 Likes

Something that I am always learning and reminding myself is how things are now isn’t how they will always be!

I know that isn’t exactly what you asked for but change takes time. In the meantime small shifts in perspective can be helpful.

Deciding to face your challenges sober is huge. Don"t underestimate all the great stuff you are already doing. More will come :seedling: :sparkles:

5 Likes