Back to day 1 
I feel so low today I wish I could sleep this day through. I got to day 20 with no drinking and was feeling amazing until yesterday, we had 3 friends of my partners come to stay at our house and I’ve been dreading it for months. My confidence and self asteem have been so low for such a long time that the thought of entertaining guests whilst sober were making my anxiety go through the roof. I tried to tell my boyfriend that I couldn’t do it but he just kept telling me to not be silly and I would be ok. Long story short I wasn’t ok drank nearly half a bottle of whisky (I don’t even like whisky) and don’t remember anymore. I’ve just had to face our guests with my head held low in shame. The only good thing that has come out if this is that it has reminded me that I am an alcoholic and that I HATE feeling like this so I have reset my counter and I will start again. I have a new job to start next Friday too
That’s right, you are an alcoholic and there are some people, places and things that will be triggers for you.
And you’ve been reminded that you can’t even have 1 drink - you had half a bottle of a drink you don’t even like just to get alcohol inside you.
It’s not all lost. Use this feeling to help you when you find yourself in a similar situation. Maybe now your boyfriend will see that you won’t be fine next time and there is absolutely no reason to test yourself again.
You’ve been doing so well and you can do it again. Also, you’re not alone X
Well done for getting to 20 days. Some amazing advice from @SarahJ there. Try not to beat yourself up, hold onto this feeling and use it to help you in future.
Is there anything you’re doing day to day to help with your anxiety? I’ve found yoga, meditation and walking to be incredibly helpful things to keep my mind in check as I’ve stopped drinking.
We’ll be proud of what your trying to achieve in your life, don’t worry about the setback it’s perfectly ok! In your life there will be setbacks, it can be personal, financial or as you described! It doesn’t change your goal!
Little advice; if you can’t forgive yourself today, your going to have to forgive yourself sometime in the future to heal. Get it out of the way and do it today!
@Willow - hey there. I lived that cycle for so many years. I’d get a few days sober, start feeling better, and then a situation would come up that I didn’t know how to handle without alcohol. Each time, I hated myself more and more. I was killing my body, and I felt like my soul was already dead.
Let this be the end. You are such a good person, and you deserve a better life than this. Are you still working a program? You learned some good strategies in those 20 days. They are still there! Have someone to call if you feel like picking up. Do you have sober friends? A sponsor?
You can do this, pal. I know you can!
Remember how you are feeling today. Lock this low feeling in a safe spot, and whenever you feel the creeping temptation to drink draw on this experience to remind you of the pain that alcohol causes.
Protect yourself at all costs. No amount of alcohol is worth the pain it will bring.
Stand up, get back in the fight and keep your head up. Live and learn.
Dont drink.
I wrote a couple notes down in my phone to myself. I read those if I feel like using. For example the first line says, you are so much better than this.
We have definitely all been there. Thinking we won’t drink and waking up still drunk with a pounding headache.
You were worried about this visit for a while. Social anxiety really gets to me too and is a huge trigger.
If you absolutely can’t get out of something that you are worried about, then do everything you can to stay focused on staying sober. Plan meetings, plan trips out of the house, go to the gym at night, go to a bookstore/mall/coffee to get out of the house. Have house guests take an Uber to go out for the night and have a relaxing night in.
Your BF doesn’t sound very supportive, probably because he doesn’t understand. I used to rely on my husbands support to stay sober and i would ignore my gut. When I knew I had a problem and he would just absolutely not acknowledge it, it messed with my head. And my sobriety is not his responsibility, but any support would be better than just brushing it off.
I think 20 days is great and you are coming back knowing drinking is not what you want. Just get better prepared for situations you know you’re going to struggle with.
Thankyou everyone for your support. Our guests have gone now and I’m just lying on my bed whilst my boyfriend is downstairs watching telly. I know he’s pissed off with me for spoiling his night like I always do but he didn’t say anything in front of his friends. I know he’s sick of it all and tries to be understanding but he’s heard the excuses so many times I think he’s bored of it. I did 20 days sober up until yesterday and was so proud of myself so I just need to pick myself up and try again
I know what you feeling. Same story
I’m sick of feeling like this, I was on such a high a few days ago. I’m going to get up tomorrow and just look forward and try not to feel so low. I have a new job to start on Friday so I have 4 days to feel good and string again.
You will get the high back! All you can do is learn from this. It’s happened now and beating yourself up about it won’t change anything.
Onwards and upwards! What’s the new job?
I’ll just reiterate what everyone else said. I’ve been there before.
There are no answers on the top of your shoes, so don’t hang your head low when you make a mistake. The only way to see where you are going is to hold your head high and keep moving forward.
It took me a while to learn this myself but I tell this to all the kids I coach.
20 days was awesome and 21 will be sweeter 
find a new boyfriend
I know where you’re coming from with the anxiety and the wanting to use. I recently had a relapse during a period of high anxiety. I didn’t have a strong enough defense against it because what I would typically do when I was getting anxiety was to remove myself from the thing, or place that was causing it. Well, that wasn’t a good plan. I hesitated to reach out for help here because I didn’t want to sound like a whiner. That wasn’t a good plan.
I am having a lot of regrets now that I’m able to see things more clearly. I thought that I had it. I don’t got this! Even with close to 100 days it didn’t take much to push me back to day 1 because every day I need help pushing forward. I didn’t get this way overnight, I’m not getting out of it overnight.
My new job is shop work in a shop selling everything you would need for a home. I’m looking forward to starting now.