So the title says it all. The only backstory is depression and self loathing- thats all. Same most of ppl reading this will most likely relate to.
Im not asking for anything anymore. Im thankful i didnt die as i drank 20/30 litres vodka in a week and only stopped when my mental health care worker called at my flat as my pharmacist had notified him id not pucked up my psych meds in a week and was worried. Im 54 , a screwed up body and mind , i see very little left to fight for.
Sorry to be so negative, im just hoping you can see that theres not always an answer. I hope i find one tho, im too old and damaged , one more āblipā will almost certainly end me.
Hi Darren, im so glad u didnt die. Im glad someone checked in on u. Its never ever too late to change. Have u thought of treatment maybe to give urself a good start at recovery? When i was at my worst it was soooo hard to initally break that cycle. I had to do treatment to give me a fighting chance to get clean. Once i got my footing in recovery, it was a bit easier to keep going. I had supports near me, meetings, counselling etc to help me get some time under my belt. Just a thought. Im glad u checked in here tho. You are not alone.
Thankyou for your reply and the kindness within , its appreciated- hopefully the negativity will abate slightly as i start to feel almost human again in, oh i dunno, a week to 10 days.
Thanks again
Welcome back!
Every post of yours is all about isolation. This disease thrives on isolation. I was told early on in sobriety to start getting comfortable with being uncomfortable and go to meetings. The thought of being in a room full of people was scary as shit. But I knew I had to do something different if I wanted to live, so I did.
The point is nothing changes if nothing changes. Get yourself into a program and give it your all. I hear at meetings all the timeā¦ the opposite of addiction is connection. Get out there and connect.
Ur so welcome i feel ur pain. And ur right, the negativity will probably go away over time as u get some sobriety time under ur belt, but this is usually when we have to be on our toes the most.
I used to have this patternā¦ id use drugs and experience all the negative effects that came with it. Id stay clean for a few days and start to feel slightly better, only to then relapse again. Its like i forgot how bad it was and my mind would convince me that i could have just one, or that i could handle it again, or that it would be different this time. Idk if u can relate to that. Do u think this is whats going on for u when u relapse?
If so, it may be helpful to write down how u feel in this moment. And then write down ur reasons why u want to quit. Look at this list daily, especially when u start to feel better and that addict voice starts chiming in trying to convince u to drink. It is a helpful reminder of how bad things can get. It may help u thru the urge to drink
@DJUK i am so sorry to hear you feel like this. I wish I could say the right words to comfort you. I think itās wonderful that you are reaching out, because that to me at least shows you are not done fighting the addiction. You know, I once was really at a low point in my life, my whole life collapsed after a huge incident and I kind of felt like you are feeling right now. Someone said something to me that really stuck with me. āYou feel thereās nothing left? Good, the only way is up from this point on. Because according to your words it canāt get any worse. Therefore the only way is upā We are all here for you and please reach out and share how you feel. Even though no one has all the answers, we can support one and another or just simply listen.
Thankyou. I appreciate your kind words. Sorry my reply is so short im sure you can appreciate that when you feel like i do, even replying is hard work, but like i said, thsnkyou for reaching out to me
Hi @DJUK, I am sorry to read your struggles and can only imagine how hard you are fighting!
I was 50 when I hit rock bottom after ~25 years of hard drinking, with a broken mind and a body that was so sick that my initial survival chances were no more than 50%. Almost 2 years later, I am MUCH healthier and happier.
Please donāt let where you are now hold you back, the body and mind have a miraculous healing capacity!
Thankyou. Id reply longer normality but feeling too ill. Even walking to the bathroom the room spins and i fight being sick but im sure you know all those symptoms. Appreciate the kindness of you reaching out tho i really do
Are you staying sober today so far? So often I needed that direct question asked so that I did not need to make a judgement on whether I liked what was going in in my life that day. It helped me focus on what my to priority is for any day, and to be grateful for that.
Yes. Im 21 days dry now. It has to be the last time. Every timeci mess up i down litres and litres of vodka, its a miracle im still slive, not died from withdrawal or alcoholic poisoning etc, im 55 next birthday, it has to stop now
Iāve almost died from alcohol a few times . Been in 20 plus detoxes and 4 30 day places. Important think is you came back . As for reasons to stay sober , find something emotionally soothing . Volunteer work always helps- feeding and clothing the homeless etc or helping people in and out of AA. Also, dying from drinking is a very slow and painful death. Iāve seen it many times- maybe that is enough to slow you down. Again glad you are back
i feel ur pain. And ur right, the negativity will probably go away over time as u get some sobriety time under ur belt, but this is usually when we have to be on our toes the most.
depression is cruel 
Iām sorry youāre experiencing it along with health issues. Keep coming back, weāre here for you.
hang in there 