I am at 18 days sober from alcohol and feel strong and committed.
“There’s a world of difference between insisting on someone’s doing something and establishing an atmosphere in which that person can grow into wanting to do it.” Mister Rogers
I am a 52 yo alcoholic(yeah, I don’t like that label much either but it works) and have drank since I was 14 yo. I was a party animal in college. I was a a bar regular in a ski town for a decade after that. I was a drunk during my graduate education. I was a drunk in my medical career. And then the first DWI at 33 yo.
I had to go to IOP for 3 months to retain my medical license, and was then set free. In a few years, I found myself fired from 2 jobs and had to attend two weeks rehab, and join the practitioner monitoring program for 5 years. I was pretty sneaky though(as many of us are I am sure) and found ways to drink even with random urine tests.
I made it 1 year and then DWI #2. (Strange aside–both happened in parking lots, and no crash or injured parties. Weird.) Anyway, off to 3 months rehab in Pennsylvania. That was difficult. If I didn’t “graduate” from that I was off to a year inpatient facility. My anxiety was through the roof those three months. I still couldn’t stay out of trouble though(acting out at talent shows, hitching rides into town, picking up girls who were only in for two week stays), but I made it.
After a year in a sober house I returned to medicine. I bounced around a few different specialties for another 5 years while being monitored and in intensive therapy. I did not drink. I was in AA at least 3 times a week, I carried a remote breathalyzer to blow in 3 times a day, and I tried to be at peace. But it was not for me, I was doing this all for someone else. Deep down hidden in my subconscious, I believed alcohol was still in the cards for me.
Once my monitoring program ended…
Yep, I picked up. Was walking a tightrope of drinking for another couple years until I couldn’t pull it off anymore, and I quit medicine. Found other careers that were not as stressful, and I really enjoy them.
Over the last year, I have really taken off with my drinking though. 12 pack and box of cigs almost every night. Basically on remote control, and certainly not enjoying life. I had a falling out with my family over the holidays 2023. I decided to give up alcohol for January 2024. I told no one but my best friend and the fine people here at TS. I had no one pushing me to not drink this time.
After a couple weeks sober, my mind has cleared, I can see my sordid past more clearly, and I am excited to be doing this for myself. I made this choice and it feels so much more powerful now. I am sure there is some sort of ODD issue that contributed to relapses in previous attempts.
Anyway, yesterday and today I have told my family, we are on the path to healing the relationship, and I am proud to be alcohol free. I do not see drinking as something to covet anymore. I do not want to sneakily pour that poison into my body anymore. I want to live my life again, and not be chained to the dream that alcohol is cool and will help me in anyway.
Well, that was a long story. I wanted to write it down somewhere, and this forum seemed as good a place as any.
I appreciate this amazing online community, and hope to grow along with many others here over the years.
_Solar
What a powerful story and congratulations on your 18 days 
powerful and moving story. Congrats on your 18 days!
). But I knew from having grpwn up innthe functional side of things, i knew when i gpt sober like what a fucking gift my empty pit. What a gift that I was a hallow shell. What a gift that I could not go on or I would end up dead or in jail. What a gift in the end, CRAZY as that may sound because…if i could “function”, if i could get by and work my job, drink in a way where others arent too worried or offended (i mean not immediate fam those fuckers can sit down, i mean those who are a bit outside 
) and just get by…how much HARDER that would be to quit, and I can appreciate how much more difficult it is to see the issue and have a bit of motivation to change the behaviour when norhing too “dysfunctional” or crazy has happened. There is a level of control there that is very different from those of us who lose total control or straight throw that shit out the window, and whenever i hear someone talk about it I just feel that in my gut amd heart. Thanks for listening to my rambling heart. Xo. Sending you love, power & strength.
