Hello everyone! I’m not sure what I’m needing in posting… I guess just validation that this is normal? I’m feeling somewhat untethered and shaken.
i just woke up from a relapse dream. It was a weird one. I had gone to a yoga class (something I did start recently) and in the dream, this class felt triggering and unsafe due to the people there and where the class was held. (This is not AT ALL how the class actually feels IRL).
After the triggering yoga class, I somehow went and got my hands on a preroll, and literally sat down to smoke with my doctor?? Probation officer?? I honestly have no idea who this guy was, but there was a power dynamic. We were talking about my sobriety and I just lit up and had no emotional reaction to resetting my sobriety time. I was in a “fuck it” mindset.
The good news is, in the dream, using the substance did not feel worth it. It was not enjoyable. It did not hit in the way that it used to. And I knew resetting my sobriety time was for nothing.
Waking up I feel… I guess confused, kinda rattled, uncertain. Are these dreams normal? How do you shake them off?
Oh my… yes they are VERY normal! I used to get using dreams often in early recovery. Even now at 3.5+ years clean i get them occasionally. Ill get them at night, when im under alot of stress that day. But its very normal Its super distressing of course but its important to remember that it wasnt real. It doesnt mean that ur wanting to relapse in real life or that its a “sign” of a potential relapse. Its just our minds way of trying to cope with our day to day life. At least thats what i think. They do lessen over time
I’m with @Butterflymoonwoman on this one @MaxStarling11 , in like ~10 days ill have 7 years clean off of (non-prescribed) narcotics, alcohol, and marijuana, and I still experience using dreams.
I usually feel grateful after the dream because that’s all it was
I have dreams of drinking. Not very often, but in my dream I forget I no longer drink and have a beer. It doesn’t bother me as I know it’s just dream. I wake up and chuckle about it and get on with my sober life.
I also have dreams I can fly. In reality, I know I can’t do that either.
In early sobriety they are common and can continue even when a few years sober as long as you wake up sober thats fine .note i dont have them anymore im sober in my dreams my subconscious is wired sober now
If you search using the icon in the top right you will find tonnes of posts about this, they are very normal. But extremely upsetting, it makes you realise how emotions really are just made in your brain when something that didn’t happen can cause such intense emotions. I had one recently and when I woke up I had such a gutwrenching feeling, but for no actual reason that had happened in reality. And then the relief.
@MaxStarling11 Hi Max, as has already been said using dreams are very common in early sobriety and when you’re stressed or worried, even if you don’t feel stressed or worried
The great news about your dream that it was at the end positive. Not getting any joy or effect is possibly telling you that you’re on the right path and is a reminder how worthless using is.
I’m 21½ years sober and as @Ray_M_C_Laren said my mind is mostly wired sober, but when I’m very stressed or worried even though (see end of first paragraph ) they can pop up and hit you for 6.
Thank you all for your kind words… I was so surprised at how rattled I felt by the dream. I didn’t even think to search for posts; I think I posted cause it was the only skill I knew to reach for? I rolled over in bed when I woke up and wrote it right then. It was all I could do to word vomit it and get some community support.
As someone with anxiety and PTSD, I’m used to some messed up dreams, and was just so rattled by how much I was rattled… This has lessened as a few days have passed. I’ve had some other vivid trauma-flavored dreams, so apparently some stuff is moving around on an unconscious level.
“Only addicts have relapse dreams” is something I needed to hear. I’m very grateful that these will eventually alleviate as my brain rewires to full sobriety. I’m currently on day 46. thank you all for your support. Stay safe out there.
Super normal, both the dream and the feelings afterwards. My relapse dreams were pretty frequent at the start, especially as my body was detoxing. They do still happen occasionally 9 months later, and the biggest thing that I feel is the shame and even in the dream, the disappointment that I’ll have to restart my counter on SoberTime, lol. The realization upon waking and finding out I’m still sober is truly such a relief. Even the trauma nightmares are really common as the weed gets filtered out of your body–been there, done that. It’s not fun, but the nice thing about truly getting sober is that you only have to detox once.
You are normal. Keep at it. It gets easier and you get stronger. You can and will do this
Please note that my Psychiatrist told me that vividly remembering dreams is a sign of your brain healing and getting more REM Sleep than in the past. After reading about this on-line it seems to be true. My dreams are become much more vivid, some, very unpleasant / some not.
But I believe they all signify the progress all of us here are seeking
Yea, I’ve had my fair share. Sometimes they’re very vivid and I wake up doubting myself and feeling like it actually happened. Mostly MO recently, that’s the one that I’m struggling with the most right now. They’re a part of our recovery. It doesn’t sound like you enjoyed it in the dream so that’s good.
I’m a female porn and masterbation addict. When I have acting out dreams they send me into a spiral of physical arousal and make me horny as hell. For me it’s like watching porn and when I wake up it’s so hard not to act on the arousal. I often spend all day fighting off fantasy and urges to master ate. For me acting out dreams are not a gift. They are torture. They make me desperately want something I can’t do.
Its super distressing of course but its important to remember that it wasnt real. It doesnt mean that ur wanting to relapse in real life or that its a “sign” of a potential relapse. Its just our minds way of trying to cope with our day to day life. At least thats what i think. They do lessen over time 
icon in the top right you will find tonnes of posts about this, they are very normal. But extremely upsetting, it makes you realise how emotions really are just made in your brain when something that didn’t happen can cause such intense emotions. I had one recently and when I woke up I had such a gutwrenching feeling, but for no actual reason that had happened in reality. And then the relief. 
) they can pop up and hit you for 6.
&
thank you all for your support. Stay safe out there.