Back to day 1 again. I seem to be allergic to success and stability. Every time I get to 90 days or so, and things are going great, I just have to start drinking again. I’d love to chat with somebody, but the shakes are kicking in and I can barely type.
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You don’t “have” to do anything. You are choosing to pick back up. From what I can tell you just simply aren’t done yet. Maybe it will take more consequences, maybe it’s spiritual death, maybe it’s actual death that will get you to stop. Those were decent motivators for me, but the gratitude of my sobriety it what keeps me sober. My sobriety is my greatest treasure for without I would have none of the good things in my life. And as it is my greatest treasure I will do anything to protect it.
Have you considered the sobriety at all costs method?
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Whats the sobriety at all costs method?
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Literally doing anything and everything to get and stay sober. It’s about dropping the excuses and the “I can’ts” and “I won’t do that”. It’s about making short term sacrifice to achieve long term goals. It’s about going to rehab even if you have a job. It’s about going to meetings even if you have social anxiety. It’s about not got going to the party with 30 days sober. It’s about a whole ass shift in perspective and not just doing the bare minimum.
I’ve been on this forum a long time. I’ve seen people do the bare minimum and wonder why the fail. I’ve seen people do the damn thing and stay sober.
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So so so soooo hard. I am sympathetic to your pain. I have quit 3 times. Once for 14 months once for 9 months and now I’m on 4/17days. I am praying for you. You can do this!
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Telling it like it is, love it. I had a physically brutal day at work today,( I’m an electrician) only to get jerked around by my dentist office for 2 hours afterwords. I felt totally defeated and for the first time in almost 4 months of getting sober and working the 12 steps with a sponsor and hitting at least 3 meetings a week, the thought of “ I wish I could drink to shut off my brain and body” kicked in. I immediately told my girlfriend I wouldn’t be able to have dinner with her tonight, drove straight to a meeting. had a great round robin discussion meeting for an hour and a half, then talked for another 45 minutes with some guys afterwards. Got some phone numbers. Went home to my girlfriend with a huge smile on my face. And a better attitude. Doing the work in this program works. Doing it at all costs will keep you sober. Your 100% right. If you put in garbage effort, your going to get garbage sobriety. 
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I’m thinking about you and I’m sorry that you’re going through this. It’s really tough but you can get back up and you can do it again. 90 days is amazing it truly is. Even though you feel like you can’t seem to get past it, deep down you know you can if you really want to because you’ve come this far and you can do it again and you can do more. I think it is good advice though that if you keep relapsing to look at what you’re doing and if there’s something more you can do but I also think it’s important not to beat yourself up about it because that just leads to more feelings of guilt and destruction. Can you learn from your relapses? Of course you can. You just have to have the right resources and reach out for more help if you need it. I know you can do it and you’ve done so well already 
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I agree with others that replied. It is a choice. Hopefully you are going to meetings live and have numbers to call and first and foremost know that We can’t God can. I was told to get on my knees in the morning and ask God to keep me sober and at night thank Him. Get to meetings, call my sponsor every day. Work the steps with her……. I have had a few close calls through the first few years sober. I got on my knees and asked God to keep me sober. The times I did not ask Him I tried everything calling people, listening to AA tapes, reading…… I picked up twice in 1996. Since I worked my steps with my sponsor and continue to work my program I have not found it necessary to pick up a drink or drug for over 25 years. There are turning points in sobriety that we have to make a decision to work it harder and more serious or give up. I suggest work it as if your life depended on it because it does. The 4,5,6,7 steps are life changers
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In my time sober I have watched people go back out and wither away to nothing or die drunk or commit suicide. Luckily there are a host of friends that are still sober and have been way before I walked in the doors and are still there at meetings. I do not believe relapse should be thought of so lightly as if it is no big deal. The deal is that if you take the suggestions and do the deal there is no real reason for picking up again. I have had good times and bad. Marriage, divorce, child born, parent die. AA has always been there. My first thought is: I need to get to a meeting and have. It works if you work it so work it you are worth it.
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Relapse happen to everyone.
Recovery is not a line straight up, it’s like a wave, sometimes up and sometimes down. Don’t blame yourself, you are strong and can keeping moving and surf the recovery wave with proud, like, you did it to 90 days! That’s a huge goal and you can be there again.
If you need, take a breake, scream, punch some pillows, discharge yourself and then, back to the ocean. All my love for you❤️
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Derek is right. I used to get annoyed by his harshness. Especially when it was directed to me.
Hindsight being 20/20 he was right. I deserved it. It made me more interested in reading what he replied to others. I stalked his posts for a while. I learned his story. I gained respect because he literally crawled out of living hell to get clean.
My final relapse made me willing. It humbled me through humiliation now I try to stay humble without humiliating myself. I broke through self created obstacles to get sober. I made many changes and still do.
I wasn’t willing to get a sponsor.
I’ve been restless, irritable and discontent. I’ve been participating here more to try and fix it. It helped but not enough.
My anxiety has been high. Self sabatoging thoughts. Procrastinating action.
I went to my homegroup on Monday. I met a potential sponsor. I went to a meeting tonight hoping he would be there. He was. I committed to being willing to do whatever it takes to remain sober. I’m working the steps with him. I have step one homework assignments to do by Friday. Ive done them already.
I feel much better. The anxiety is gone. I feel good because I took action. Alot of action this week.
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When are you going to take responsibility? I was way to late in recognizing that the real rock bottom is when responsibility is taken. All the things that happened before were signs that my live was unmanageable. Taken responsibility can stop this spiral down of this seemingly never ending spiral down of events often called “rock bottoms”.
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No relapse dosnt happen to everyone maybe to you but ive been sober along time and if people like you keep telling people that relapse happens to everyone then thats a bad message so maybe think before you print next time i wish you well
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I was in that cycle. It took being seconds away from taking my own life that got me sober.
There are plenty of success stories here. That is where I started. I read, read some more…then took action.
All of us are here to help you. Cravings will not kill you, picking up will eventually kill you.
Come here, be active, especially when you are craving. Let us help you…help you help yourself.
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I know what I wrote and I think es before, you don’t have to be rude. I am just trying to say that they don’t have to feel guilty at all, bad things happen and maybe you are dealing great with sobriety, but some of us relapse often and guilt won’t help. It’s not a bad message to say that even if they relapse they can keep going.
Hope you doing OK Mark. I don’t have much to add to this thread as am rubbish at tough love. I am more of the sit you down with a cup of tea and hold your hand person, and that might not be what you need right now.
Welcome to the community @Javiera I haven’t ‘spoken’ to you yet but wanted to say hello. I understood what you meant.
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A little guilt might not be the worst thing. Might create some accountability. I’ve seen enough people die during relapses to know not everyone gets another chance to dust themselves off and start again. I’ve relapsed myself so I’m coming from experience when I say it was only by the Grace of my HP that I got back. Dante would need to create another circle of hell to accurately describe how I felt during my relapses.
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Show up, Give up, Fess up, keep up. All is done within the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. Get a sponsor and Work the program. Put in the work. You won’t believe what will happen.
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read my statement i wasnt rude just explaining , im addicted to drink so i have experience when it covers Booze over 35 years now .so well leave it at that as your new and i wish you well on your recovery
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I don’t think I have the right advice for you but you did help me this morning. I put my phone down and thought about all the goodness I would be sacrificing for that “one” drink; I’m also coming up on 90 days here in a few. I’ve decided to blow right past 90 and keep going. It’s calm over here on this side of the street. Get up, put it down and please don’t let your addiction win. I wish you well.
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