So here I am. Lied in bed with my wife not speaking to me. My life has fell apart. I’m emotionally broken and my body is hurting really bad.
I did not get in until 7am. I went to a gig with some friends and I don’t know how it happened but I completely fell off the wagon. God knows how much booze I drank.
I can’t believe this has happened after over 3 years! The feeling of loneliness, fear and dread is swamping me right now.
God help me pull through this and start again 
That sucks. Big time. I can’t imagine your feelings, and can’t tell u anything u don’t already know. Once u get over the hangover, dig deep and use the things that helped u the last 3 years. Make it a one time fuck-up.
Well you made it back just have to remember what you did to make 3yrs, start stacking up the hrs and the days. We get blindsided and knocked down just have to get back on our feet and keep moving. Gets harder and takes longer to recover when we start getting older we can fall and hurt ourselves. Watch the company you keep like they say keep your friends close and your enemies closer. Take care, your not alone in the struggle. God Bless you.
I can’t go back to having all that pain and madness in my life. I just can’t believe it’s happened, I’ve been so confident that this demon has been locked up years ago.
Feel sick and embarrassed. Thanks for engaging I really appreciate it
I keep thinking that once I get far enough in I’ll be able to have a drink with dinner or for special occasions eventually. You’ve just solidified for me that I can’t. Ever. (I’m 44 days) I’m sorry you’re going through this but at the same time I am thankful for the lesson.
That’s the problem. I just said that me having shandys lately and a shot the other week which ended their on that occasion has been the build up to this.
It’s a crafty disease! I can’t take away my slip but I can use it as a point to reset myself.
God bless and I’m glad you have taken away that lesson
Listen friend relapse is apart of my story many times over during my 15 year run with this demon called addiction that we all fight against every single day of our life. I can only talk about myself and my experience. I’ll have 3 years coming up in December God willing and I can’t imagine what you are going thru right now and the emotions you feel over it. But the great news is that you have been around the program enough to know how amazing and what a miracle it is that you made it back. You know what to do to stay sober cause you already proved to yourself and others you can stay sober. Even though it’s one of the hardest things I had to learn to do but don’t beat yourself up so much. It sounds like you went out with buddy’s got caught up in them and the environment and that’s when our addiction knows how to attack. Im a musician myself Ive been playing with a band for many years and we played everywhere we could but I could never stay sober once I got clean 60 days 90 days whatever it might be I’d go back to my band and back to the bar and then down I go again. This time I didn’t allow myself to do that. I didn’t play out on a gig till I was over 2 years clean and now if I go play somewhere best believe I have my support system going with me. You got this friend. It sounds like to me you realize what has happened what your part was in this relapse and you don’t wanna stay out. Things are so much worse out there than ever. People are just making the craziest most harmful things and selling them to young people or whoever saying oh this is so and so and will get you where you wanna be. No its gonna catch up and the only 3 things I personally know about my addiction is that I have my freedom of choice back if I go back out im not coming back this time it will kill me. And I have to work a program every single day no matter what it is I have to do to stay clean im willing to do that today because you matter you have a purpose so do all of us here in this sobriety community. We do recover you are NOT alone and you can do this again. Go to every meeting you can for a little while talk about your relapse not only will you feel better but you might save some ones life by telling your own story. You got this friend.
Thank you mate. I know how I’ve built up to this. I need to reset and look forward.
My life has been a nightmare with drink, it has taken me to the point I never wanted to live anymore. I refuse to go through that cycle of pain and madness again.
I just can’t help feeling so fucking pissed off that after over 3 years I’ve allowed this to happen, but I’ll get past that.
Again I say don’t beat yourself up I know how easy it is to do that and the guilt shame and disappointment is overwhelming. I’ve been there too. The emotions you have right now are completely valid you are allowed to feel. Just don’t sit in those negative thoughts for to long. Feel them remember them and then get back to your program you got this you can do it. Remember you are not alone
Well I can tell you this. Although a small thing at my big 44 days…This is helping me on this day today. I used to pray that the drink would just kill me and every so often I just feel so horrible I wonder why did I even bother to stop drinking. It’s a hard thought to stop in it’s tracks and to figure out how to turn it around. Today is one of my bad days so I thank you as well for that.
@Quinny251 def thinking of you. You’ll get through this and I will too.
44 days is not a “small thing” every day that we stay clean is so Important someone with 30 days clean can say something I e never heard or maybe even save my life one day at almost 3 years clean. So your experience strength and hope is just as important and valued just as much as someone with 10 years clean. I know for me that I have honestly tried every crazy way I could think of to “use successfully” but never could. You just can’t. But I know for me that I can not get caught up in the what ifs and the maybes. I have to just stay in the moment of the day im living right now. If you need anything or wanna talk im here. Proud of you
Yep, “it’s ok” …til it isn’t.
Hey, please don’t be so hard on yourself. Our brains will always try to manipulate us into thinking that after so much time, we can now handle it. So, you experimented and the conclusion was that the addiction is alive and well. Here’s the thing, you didn’t lose 3 years. You just don’t have the consecutive days, right? So if you drank one night, and trust me I know the shame, despair, guilt, and embarrassment that goes with it. That will improve over the next few days and weeks, I can promise you that. You still have the remaining depressant effects in your body. Keep continuing on your n your sober journey because you have been sober for 99.9990867579909% of that time!
This is a journey. You’re learning about yourself. It’s not all black and white. All that didn’t disappear because you made a mistake. The most important part now is to laser focus on moving forward and not letting that shame drag you back into the abyss of misery. I know you said you can’t go back there. You hold the power. You are a sober person that made a mistake one single day. You’re sober. That one day will never define you, but you learned from it. You’re going to do this, I certainly believe in you. Thank you for sharing this with us, I’m really glad you did.
That message has really hit me thank you!
That is how I need to look at it in regards to the 3 years being lost because of course they haven’t. In that time I’ve put my wife’s fears at ease that the misery I’ve caused is not forever.
My mother said her face was heartbroken this morning which breaks me up but all I can do is reassure her, apologise and let time heal. I will use your words to articulate the 3 years not being lost.
The hardest part is its the longest I’ve been sober, never achieving 6 months previously. And I think nobody genuinely saw it coming.
Thank you for your support friend
Sorry about your slip maybe try a meeting get back on that sobriety road get a sponsor and phone numbers good network is needed to keep you on the path especially when you get shaky wish you well if this old Scotsman can stay sober anyone can wish you well
It’s so easy to fall for alcohols trickery. I know from my own experiences.
I drank after a being sober for a long time. It was was well thought out decision.
I thought I had the perfect plan, except it was a lot harder for me to come back to recovery than I imagined.
I was determined to make alcohol work for me. I failed miserably but kept trying.
My biggest obstacle was me and my thinking. Lesser amounts of sober time didn’t mean much to me. It made starting over really easy. The idea that I could manage it and drink like a “gentleman” was all I could focus on.
Fortunately, I have let go of that thinking and appreciate my recovery time again. It means everything to me. Without my recovery I am nothing.
All we have is today. Don’t drink today. It’s just another lesson about alcohol and how powerful it really is!
Be kind to yourself. We all make mistakes. Glad your here!
Thank you Jason.
Truth be told I invited this in with me having shandys and not engaging with other alcoholics like I did at first.
One thing I know is I CAN live a full and happy life sober, I’ve done it for three years.
I hate booze culture so don’t have to work out a way to be in the pub without drinking or anything like that.
My focus has been my career, my home, my hobbies, my wife and most importantly my two boys. I can’t have any of that with booze because eventually it will take all of it from me.
Easy decision just need to refocus on the how again
One day at a time. Do the next right thing over and over again. You’ll be stronger than before. because you learned from this experience! 
Ouch, that sucks so bad. I am glad you are back here and hopefully working back toward health and sobriety.
Hi Sassy how are you?
Yes not good at all. It’s helped talking on here today to help me process it and look at how to move on.
God willing this will be my last ever slip. It really hits you when you’ve been sober for a long time