I have slipped after 3 years and I'm so scared and angry

I learned after my first time relapsing that it doesn’t matter how long you’ve been clean it happens as fast as a turning on a light switch. Like I made a decision without even thinking about it! It’s so fucking scary! I personally just try to be more self aware, with my thoughts and actions. I’ll have a year sober tomorrow and to this day I’m worried that will happen again. It a very hard lesson but you’ve got this!:wink:

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I’m grateful for your post. I’m grateful I came across the topic you started today. I’m grateful I just now read all the post in it. I’m grateful for all the support you’re getting and it’s also support I’m getting. I’m more in the @MolotovMoxie camp with Kimberly, but I got 639 days today. And you’re post has me terrified to pic up again. Thank you. Sometimes I feel like I’m coasting on my sobriety, like lately. Reading your thread is like a great slap in the face wake up call. I’m grateful for that. Thank you. I’ll be praying for you, you’re wife, and your beautiful family, and for God to give you the strength to continue on you’re sober journey. You are so worth it.
:pray:t2::heart:

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I just said to my dad it’s shocked the shit out of me.

I need to work on not being complacent and seeing patterns.

Today’s been horrible as I’m sure you can relate but I have to look at this as an opportunity to get smarter going forward.

One thing is for sure I’ll never think I’m cured and have got it all nailed just because I have a couple of years under my belt.

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Amen. Yes it’s a lesson for me for sure.

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You done the right thing going home for a start, your wife will be annoyed but I’m sure you will be fine, you asked God to help so that’s the other right thing you done my friend. You got 3 year before by doing the right thing so just keep doing the next right thing and all will be well. :pray::100::v:

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Sorry. Can’t stop thinking about your thread Quinny.
I can’t add any more support than the great support you’ve gotten already on here but maybe I can add hope. My son got a year clean and sober and relapsed for 2 or 3 days. He called his rehab and they let him come in for a 1 week refresher. Now he has 7 or 8 years? clean and sober. Those couple of days back then don’t mean shit now. He learned.
ODAAT
:pray:t2::heart:

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I believe the answer is right there in front of you: You went to a gig with some “friends”. Were these former drinking buddies? Do these friends encourage and support your sobriety? Were “gigs” former occasions to drink?

Honesty, self-awareness, and vigilance. These are fundamental to achieving and maintaining sobriety. First, we need to be honest with ourselves. If we’ve been feeling like having “just one”, we need to honestly admit this to ourselves and those who support our sobriety. Second, we need to be self-aware, understanding that this might not be the best time to resume activities we once associated with drinking. Lastly, and most importantly, we need to remain vigilant. When “opportunity” presents to have “just one”, a strategic withdrawal is in order. Leave, and quickly. Just go. As Mr. Miyagi taught Daniel-san…“the best way to avoid a punch is to not be there to get hit”.

At least this has been my approach. For now, get up, and get back after it. You still have those three years. You can do it again.

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Me too Eric… me too.

Your struggle has called out to me @Quinny251 in some way and all the advice you’re getting today is speaking to me as well.

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Boom! That is amazing that your son is 7/8 years sober. You must be very proud.

I said to my wife I promise that I genuinely have no intention of starting up drinking again and all the madness that comes with it.

I said to her this bullshit I started having shandys ““because I wanted a change from coca cola”” has made an opening for this shit. It’s a lesson I’ve had to learn. I’m never going to be able to have any drink of booze no matter how weak if I don’t want to go on benders and get wasted.

You see for me my addiction has never been a daily drink, it’s a go on massive benders, used to be all weekend before my 3 years sober it was getting more like one big session like yesterday and this morning. So my wife’s concern is are we going back to all the promises until weekend comes, then regret it, then promise again and so on.

I know it my heart that’s not what I’m doing. I genuinely can’t believe I fucked up last night and I have no intention of doing it again

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We are humans and you should still feel proud on how long you stayed sober, this is just a step back but don’t be discouraged to keep on with the journey. You got this keep strong I am on day 5 and it’s such a big thing for me now so I can’t even imagine doing 3 months neverless 3 years Keep coming here and think positive

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Well done on day 5 Randie.

This community is fantastic and has helped me a lot although as the time went on I interacted with it less and less, the CBT tools I learned from SMART RECOVERY I have hardly used this year.

I think ultimately you have to engage with your sobriety no matter how much time passes or you are at risk of slipping like I have.

But it’s a lesson learned and I’m grateful for it

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One thing alcohol (or any drug for that matter) makes us believe is that we have no control over it, and now that you had one (big) slip you are bound to have another and ultimately you’ll be back at square on with weekly massive benders. The good news is that it is not so. We might be powerless over alcohol but that is only when we actually use it. We do have control in one way: We can totally abstain. Absolutely. Black and white. Nothing. That’s how it is for me and for all of us here or we wouldn’t be here int he first place. And it seems to me you have just learned that lesson. Makes it easier too. No doubts. Just never again. I’m glad you’re here Quinny. Let’s do this. Together.

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Just got to hold some 8 day old goats, so how could I not be doing well, man, they are cute!!

It sounds like you have a good mindset and are having the tough talks with your wife. One day at a time we can do this. :slightly_smiling_face:

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I know how you feel I had 2years and 8month sober now I’m back at 11days after a 3day drinking session 2weeks ago don’t let it define you just get back on the horse and use it as fuel that you don’t want to go back to that life build those days back up you know you can do it wish you well on your journey keep going mate you had a slip we are only human :pray:t2:

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I have laid in that exact same spot many times. So glad you’re here. What’s most important is that you get up again!

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Cheers mate it’s so helpful to hear other peoples experiences and sometimes their struggles as well.

Sorry that you slipped but glad you are all good now! It’s a horrible feeling hitting the booze after that long off ay bud

It hit me hard that I dropped the ball after 3 years but chatting on this thread has helped me gain some perspective.

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You still have them 3years mate it’s very cunning I stopped going to meetings started gambling then drinking non alcoholic beer thought I was cured I was wrong 3day bender I was on but I’ve dusted myself down it’s a blip on my journey I’m going back to what I did when I first got sober build those days back up we just have to work for it mate you know what to do you’ve done it before

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Same. I started having weak shandys. I told myself it was to fit in more. For ages I’ve not got pissed because I got them weak on purpose. But that eventually was the in road for me to have one proper drink and boom.

No shandys or non alcoholic beers for me going forward. Just blurs the lines

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@Quinny251 How was today? It seems like you are already getting in a better headspace. Your post really hit home with me as well, and I can’t tell you how happy I am that I was able to hep, even if a little bit. One singular mistake or day does not define who we are as human beings.

Focusing on looking forward is an amazing tool. There is literally nothing we can do to change the past. The past doesn’t even exist anymore. We take note of our mistakes as to not repeat them, then continually grow and become better humans.

I read in one of your responses, and now I can’t find it. But it was something along the lines of recognizing what might have caused the slip. I know for me, it happens way, way, way before I actually pick up a drink. That little shit alcoholic mini monster in my brain starts putting subtle thoughts in my head that I’ve been sober a while now, I could definitely handle it. That voice gets louder and louder, and more and more convincing. Eventually, I have manipulated my own damn self into drinking again. So, I know that the very second, even a hint of that kind of thought, a relapse is on the way if I don’t do something about it. So, don’t ignore that manipulative little mini monster in the brain :grin:

I hope you’re feeling much better today, and I hope your wife is as well. :hugs:

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I’ve been there many times. I currently have 1 day but I’ve had 3 years a few times. Don’t beat yourself up. Just turn around and keep moving forward. It’s the only choice we as addicts have besides jails, institutions, or death. And pray alot…you can do this!!!

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