I keep going back and I just don’t know why, why do I always feel I can moderate it’s unbelievable how the mind works, promises after promises but I keep going back

Just feel awful I keep thinking that I can have a couple, last night vomited all over myself I’m completely lost with this addiction, I’ve had this alcohol addiction for decades and I’ve tried so hard I’m lost

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Welcome! This place helped me put the booze down and not pick it up again.

It’s here 24/7

It’s hard for us to realize that it’s the first drink that gets us. Not the 5th or the 10th.

That first one is what we need to say no to. There’s a lot of good information here, and a lot of good people.

Glad your here!

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I know how you feel. Not sure if it helps for you but my mantra is whenever I want to pick up that drink, I can’t handle own feelings/emotions. Maybe see if there is something that particularly triggers you before you reach for that drink? For instance, whenever I feel overwhelmed with uncomfortable feelings I dont want to deal with them- i reach for the booze. Its trying to be uncomfortable for a while and then actually addressing those feelings. It is super hard but I believe it works!

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Thank you so much, I’m not young I’m in my fifties but god how I’ve tried, something just takes over and I feel it will be okay, it’s horrendous!
I’ve been sober and know how wonderful it feels but something tells me I’ll be okay with a couple, that never works, today I worth nothing

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I’ve been there and I think I can handle a few but as many times as I’ve tried it I get totally drunk. I’m on day 3. Hoping to make it through tonight bc I have a great new job I started and have to be productive!

Good luck

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Yeah, it does get real old…especially when it has been such a huge part of our lives for so long. I was in my 50s as well when I got serious about getting sober. I spent so long trying to figure out how I could successfully have just a few. So much anguish and hate for myself. So many terrible situations and mornings coming to. For decades.

For myself I had to get real and over this fantasy that somehow this time would be different. Sure, I could go a few times without something horrendous happening, other than a shit ass hangover (those get worse as you age), but eventually always I would wake up after some hideous binge having done more damage to myself and / or those around me. Over the years I would wake up covered in vomit or worse, in unknown places with people I had no idea who they were. Without my car or keys or purse or clothes or fill in the blank. Or wake up knowing something went down and whomever was around was seething at me, but I didn’t know why cuz of blackouts. Just a million awful different ways to wake up…smashed cars, smashed jobs, smashed relationships, smashed furniture and on and on. Waking up wanting to just be dead and the pain of letting myself down over and over and over and over. So much turmoil, so much anguish. So much wasted time.

We can and we do heal and gather sobriety. It can start right now. You NEVER have to feel that way again. Today is a good beginning for sobriety. Remember this pain to help you thru when you start thinking maybe you can just have a couple, because in all honesty, we know we cannot. This is a safe place to get sober in a community. :heart:

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Have you tried AA maybe something different we’re people have walked in your shoes your not alone :pray:t2:

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How often did u try moderation before realising it wasn’t working? (if that is ur situation)

I made this thread about just how long it took for me to get through my thick skull that I cannot moderate. Even when it was blatant to everyone else, that desire to be like ‘everyone else’ and just have a ‘few’ was an obsession. I know you have tried hard. Sometimes we have to try smarter, not harder. What different things can you try to stop?

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I’m in my 50s too and on day 17. Not only do the hangovers get worse but they’re absolute hell! I mean I can’t move for a day or eat anything. I can’t even watch TV or talk on the phone. Whenever I think about having one I think of that awful awful awful feeling. How many days have you made it? Because I am just starting to feel better now and every time we quit it gets harder and harder it’s called kindling effect. The first time I quit was no problem and that was the most I was drinking. With age and detox after a detox it gets so bad. Screenshot your text and maybe next time take a look at it right before. You can do it! And we’re all here for you

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Welcome to the forum @Sienna5000
Part of the cycle of addiction is our mind tricking us into thinking we can moderate or just have 1. We can’t.
And no matter how long you stay sober you’ll never be able to just have 1 or moderate, you’ll still be an addict, just one thats in recovery.
Once you realise that- it becomes easier to ignore that voice when it starts whispering.
Try writing down how bad you feel how awful it is when you drink, write a list of reasons why you can’t drink anymore…
Then get into a plan of action to begin your sobriety, maybe try AA, read and write here, be prepared to feel fragile and vulnerable, come here and post when you have cravings, though our stories are all different we are all in this together. :hugs:

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After MULTIPLE failed attempts, this forum (actually the people on this forum) helped me finally get sober. Sober through today, that is. Thinking about “never drinking again” is overwhelming, so don’t. There are wonderful suggestions and resources here. I suggest you read and read and read. Hearing of others’ success is so encouraging.

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I keep looking back, believe me when I say I’ve done everything but it keeps coming back, I can’t believe after all these years that I think I’ll be okay,im done

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It helped me to think of exactly what it does to our bodies. There is absolutely NOTHING good for us in that respect. Honor your body and mind and you will be so much happier

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I didn’t quit until I was 51. Been sober 4.5 years. I did it by saying “no” to one drink, the drink that matters…the first drink. I knew if I could say “no” to that one drink, there wouldn’t be a second or third or eighth.

So here I am at 56, living my best life, by saying “no” to one drink over and over again.

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Thank you all so much, but today I went out and about , it the moment I’m trying to actually act normal, I managed to go today to have my-hair done
Brilliant before I went out I felt bad
Too be honest before I went I had a sneaky vodkas,
I can only see them look on my family’s face
Which after all these years kills me

The bright side is you have a desire to stop and you see that the same things you keep doing of no different outcome EVER. Same here man I feel you’re frustration. It’s the beauty of our disease & the vicious cycle of our insanity. I’m barely understanding this myself so you are not alone you are right where you are supposed to be friend. I’ve been blessed with a desire to be clean & sober more than I want to be loaded JUST FOR TODAY. So long as I practice the principles of recovery in my daily affairs I have nothing to fear. If you find yourself wanting to drink again today as a suggestion say the “Serenity prayer” it works sometimes but hey I’ll do anything to try and stay clean and sober today. Anyways don’t beat yourself up be good to you. You deserve this. no bad days only bad moments you can bit the reset button anytime it’s a fuckin struggle but it’s very true. I’ll share this and shut up…“if you have one foot in tomorrow and one foot in yesterday you’re pissing all over today” live in the moment this is all you have live it rightously. Anyways glad you are back we love you :blue_heart:

If you find yourself relapsing in the first 6-9 days, or the cravings are absolutely nutty during that time, it is your body craving the alcohol already IN it. Those days are always the hardest because your body is chemically dependent on the booze, plus the vehement mental addiction.

Something I’ve done which has completely changed the game for me is writing down a schedule that I HAVE to stick to in those days and since.

Simple things like:

7 AM: Wake up, boil water for tea or coffee, brush teeth
7:15 AM: sit and journal (I do it in this app!)
7:45 AM: go for a walk/jog around the neighborhood.
8:15 AM: shower
8:30 AM: meditate
Etc. Etc.

It sounds tough but the idea is to train your discipline, which is a huge part of recovery. Discipline is a like a muscle and the more you work it, the stronger it becomes. I definitely invite you to do something similar, the best part is you can fill your time with things YOU enjoy. Hobbies you lost, reading for a half an hour, Reaching out to friends, watch some TV! It’s all up to you what you want to do.

I always find myself too busy to even think about alcohol, which is a blessing and a great way to get through those initial tough days.

We’re all here for you and rooting for you!!

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I feel ur hurt :frowning: I was very much like this… feeling hopeless and confused as to why I couldn’t get recovery. Honestly for me… I have to admit my complete powerless over drugs and alcohol every morning. My mind will lie to me and say a bunch of things about how I can have “just one” or “it will be different this time” etc. It’s a lie and once I was able to determine when that addictive voice was speaking up. I wad able to shut it down real quick and keep adding days to my recovery. But we have to admit to our inner most self that we are addicts/alcoholics. That we are powerless to drugs and alcohol and that it will never change. All we have to do tho is focus on the next 24 hours and stay clean and sober just for today

I suggest removing all alcohol from your home immediately. Why tempt yourself? Your home should be your safe place. It’s the only place we can completely control.

Next time you feel an urge, come here first and post about it, then wait for replies. No one wants to see you succeed more than another alcoholic because we know how hard it is.

AA has had a huge impact on maintaining my sobriety. I’ve met some pretty amazing women that have become life long friends.They show me a better way to live sober on a daily basis.

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