Hi there is a way of getting off the hamster wheel and that is accept you cannot drink and start working on a recovery program, take a leap of faith and reclaim your life, a life with none of the crap booze brings to us all good luck
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Thank you for your post it was such an honest one. Its seems that you have truly had enough and youre sick of being sick. Ive been to detox in hospital twice and fuck its a horrible experience! It still took me more downfalls and going to a 90 day inpatient treatment to finally stop. I stopped for awhile after treatment but i relapsed over exactly what you just said. Being around family! In my case toxic family! That friend you are going to the meeting with, stick with them. Just cut out all the rest. I posted awhile ago about fantasizing about having a drink on my holiday’s and reality is i just can’t! Id ruin it for myself and my family. You will always have those thoughts of " oh id love a casual drink one day" the reality is once we have became addicted we just cant. Im looking at it in a way now like a gift ive been given, im finally free! Fuck getting wasted and hurting myself and my loved ones. Fuck waking up dirty and ashamed of what i have done and vomiting for days! Its your time now to reclaim your life and make it something beautiful. Think of it not as a life sentence but as a ticket to freedom. Wait until you see all you achieve being sober. Hope this helps. Best of luck 
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This piece of writing contains really good stuff:
*Going to a meeting
*Opening up and be honest to your therapist
*You admitting to yourself you can’t do moderation.
That’s a good start to change your life for the good. I think we all wished we could do moderation, I know I would. But I can’t and believe me I tried!
I know it’s difficult to accept but when you have more sober days and your life is turning around for the better it’s easier to accept.
I accept! My life is soooo much better right now!
I wish you the same 
Go to that meeting, you won’t regret it! 
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Some good advice and definitely go to meetings and commit to them for at least 90 days. If you don’t like the first meeting find another but don’t stop going.
Also don’t beat yourself up to much, we all make mistakes and its just about learning and moving forward.
You’ve got this.
Your only relationship with alcohol is to not have one at all. Until you accept and act upon that fact this cycle will not end.
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Seems to me you are at the fork in the road between wanting to have a functional relationship with alcohol and wanting sobriety.
Let’s get this as clear as possible: They exclude each other. Which one are you going to choose and pursue?
You need to make that decision so you can get off the relapse hamster wheel.
Here are some resources that have helped others: Resources for our recovery
Another thing I would advise is to actually spend some time on here and read other’s stories. Feel similarities. You’ve been on here for 2.5yrs, you’ve created many topics but only have 4hrs reading time. Reading and connecting on here helps ppl to get and stay sober. Start here.
Good luck.
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I can relate very much. I did the same cycles myself. Similar excuses. The desire to drink normally is maddening. But giving up on that is the first step. For me, I can’t do a handstand, or speak Arabic, and in the same way I just can’t drink. I can do other things. I can be a good friend, a hard worker, etc, but just not drink.
I was also terrified of meetings. They are a regular part of my routine now. I am glad you have a friend to support you. They are not the scary thing you think they are. After all, everyone there understands your situation. Good luck 
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Agree with @SoberWalker that while you feel pretty low right no, there is some very good stuff in your post.
There is a difference between, knowing you have a major issue with alcohol, and excepting that fact. In order for me to get to acceptance, I had to participate in a recovery program, eventually learning to, except what I had known for years delivered a freedom that I’ve never known. I have no desire to drink, no fear of missing out you can get there too. Stick with that friend that wants you to go to a meeting. That is the way to true freedom and learning to accept.
You can’t.
That’s the simple point.
I can’t.
We can’t.
There is just no possibility in a relationship with alcohol. We have to accept that.
We have to make the decision.
For ourselves!
Much love 
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Yes, it is hard to accept, but when you do accept it and actually embrace it, you can be free.
Your story is so familiar to me. I had too many short quits to count. A few days or weeks, even a month sometimes, and I then I would believe the lies I told myself, that I could moderate. It took almost losing my marriage for me to realize that the only control I had over my drinking, was to not drink at all.
My drinking is under complete control: I don’t drink. Never again. I won’t drink because I don’t drink. I am a non-drinker.
Accept it. Embrace it. Do the work, and you can be joyfully free.
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Nice summary 
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“I’m allergic to alcohol. Whenever I drink it, I break out in handcuffs”
-Robert Downey Jr.-
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I keep relapsing. Im so upset that i reset again. I go withoutvit for a few days and then that voice in my head says its ok to have a couple but it never ends there. I always want more. I cant keep going in circles. I need to except the fact that im not a normal drinker. I cant drink at a because im alcoholic. Next step. Go to a meeting.
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Are you drinking now ?
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I am in this exact situation which is how I found the app. I got months clean and then relapse and drink way too much, no moderation. I don’t want to do it anymore. I am so sorry you are going through this
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No im at work.
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Are you new here?
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I’m new I just joined, found this app as one of the top suggestions for drinking and downloaded immediately
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Ive been on here a while but still struggling. Would you like to be my sober buddy and help each other out
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Sure! That sounds like a great idea
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