So I just came across this forum. This is a short summary of where I’ve come from.
I drank a lot every day for probably 25 years since my university days. I got good jobs and seemed to do quite well at them even though I was hammered most nights and awfully hungover at work. I wasn’t a very confident child but when I started drinking, that all changed.
I was the life and soul on a night out and always very popular. But always the most drunk. Some amazing nights out but also some absolutely dreadful ones involving police, being attacked, robbed, ending up in the hospital, saying and doing very embarrassing and inappropriate things - cringing even to think about it.
In 2022, I wasn’t feeling well and my doctor arranged blood tests. Of course it came back that my liver tests were not good and further investigation was done. It became clear that I have liver cirrhosis and at that time it was decompensated so quite advanced. I was told I had to stop drinking.
I have not touched a drop since then and although I have appts with the hospital about my liver, I haven’t received any help or support for the addiction/mental health side of the problem.
I’ve managed over 2 years sober but I’ve realised now here on New Year’s Eve (that I will spend alone as I’ve refused all social invites as they involve drinks) that I’ve been surviving rather than living, I’m not quite sure what to do, I know it’s an amazing achievement and I tell myself that every day as well as all the benefits ( e.g health, skin, weight, finance, family, work - all transformed since) but it just doesn’t feel enough.
Am I missing something? Has anyone else felt like this?
Hi James, your statement here is the beginning of the journey in my opinion. Congrats on not taking that first drink, amazing achievement for the length of time you’ve been sober.
There’s many resources on this app to take advantage, have a look around and see what calls to you.
I went to AA, which really helped me in the beginning but I no longer resonate with the program so I’m here and using the tools I’ve already learned.
I think the key you’re possibly missing is the self work needed after quitting. A wonderful woman on YouTube says, staying sober is 10% not drinking and 90% emotional sobriety. Learning why you started drinking in the first place and starting the work on healing the core wounds. Finding out what needs you have that aren’t being met and learn how to love yourself.
Welcome to the sober community. This place is an awesome support. I found i needed community to enrich my recovery and i found that here and in the rooms of aa.
Welcome to TS , congratulations on your sober time.
Yes, you’re missing a sober community. A community of like minded people that you can do things with and relate to. You’ve found TS now, glad you’re here
I have gone through phases like that but I had to do some serious self reflection and self discovery. Build a new life with new hobbies, new people and new point of view.
It wasn’t enough to stop drinking I had to start living, soberly.
Being here with likeminded people helps
Thanks everyone for your replies, I spent a lot of time last night reading on here and I think you’re right, I’ve just been avoiding life since and the reasons/issues the drinking started in the first place. Which I kind of know what they are if I am honest with myself.
Thanks for welcoming me. I hope to be here for a while!
Yes. I felt this way for many years, including in my early days in recovery (until I established friendships through my sober groups). I realized eventually that I hadn’t really had any substantial friendships during my addiction years. My addiction was my only friend, my only love, my only everything.
The good news is there’s a way through this. There are lots of sober communities you can join, here on Talking Sober and also in recovery groups - there’s a list here: Resources for our recovery
Hi there, thanks for that. I’m ok thanks today. Made it through and actually had quite a nice new years time. Back at work today which in a way helps as it keeps me busy and focused on other things. How are you doing?
Yes that’s it. I’ve realise so many of my friends are not that at all! There is literally nothing there anymore yet 2 years ago I would have listed them as besties. I find it quite sad that I spent so much time with some people that was frankly meaningless and false.
I am lucky that I do have a couple of people who have emerged as true friends who would do anything for me (and me for them) which is comforting but they don’t quite get it! Which I’m glad they don’t as it means they haven’t been through the nightmares we have but there is a slight gap in terms of understanding between us.
Absolutely that makes sense. That has been my experience of recovery too. I find that the people I have met and the friends I have made in my recovery groups are the people who understand me completely. I value that, and in fact, today, several of them are in my closest friend circle: the kind of friend I can call anytime and ask for anything (and they can ask that of me too). (The idea of friends like that was unknown to me during my addiction.)
Glad to hear you made it through the change of a calendar year!
Thanks for asking how I am I’m really proud of myself this morning. I didn’t smoke weed at all, which means I was totally sober all day!! Something I haven’t done in a while. AND I actually slept, which is amazing!
Going to an AA meeting tonight to pick up my 4 month chip.
I have made so many changes in who I hang out with. Most of my friends are people who drink. I don’t like to be around it. At first it was to prevent temptation, now I find it extremely annoying to be around.
I don’t have much in common with them anymore. Sometimes I feel lonely and when I try to socialize I cant wait to get away from people. I find socializing at AA to be awkward.
My inner alcoholic is always looking or an excuse to get me drunk again. It sometimes tells me that this new way of living is bullshit. Its not. My old way of living was bullshit. I’d rather be a loner than surrounded by a bunch of fake people like I used to be.
It’s interesting when partying is what defined us for so long…We remove that from our own lives even if it was killing us then what or who are we? That is a tough aspect of sobriety…
This definitely was the case for me as well once I got past the expending all energy on staying sober part of my recovery. Partying was my entire teen years and adulthood (40+ years). So I had to start finding some new friends, new hobbies and some access to inner resilience and peace. For me, I work on being uncomfortable without acting to take away the feeling. I found that over and over, I come back to just being present with myself and finding some peace in a life of less chaos. Walks in the woods, time reading, yoga, bicycle riding. I have also made an effort to cultivate new friends (that I met in my neighborhood, yoga class, local LGBTQ+ group and local political group).
So no, you are definitely not alone or missing something. You have arrived (in my opinion) at the next step in your life’s journey, the recovery and building a new life that is healthier and happier and honest…and yes, sometimes uncomfortable and boring. That is life. Maybe try expanding your life with some new hobbies, join a meet up group or some such or venture to new outdoor spaces (if available to you) and be with nature. When I am particularly out of sorts or lost in my head, the land around me (despite the sadness and chaos we have right now still where I am) brings me some peace.
My long winded way of saying it is okay to spread your wings and see what life has waiting for you.
, congratulations on your sober time.
I’m really proud of myself this morning. I didn’t smoke weed at all, which means I was totally sober all day!! Something I haven’t done in a while. AND I actually slept, which is amazing!
Maybe try expanding your life with some new hobbies, join a meet up group or some such or venture to new outdoor spaces (if available to you) and be with nature. When I am particularly out of sorts or lost in my head, the land around me (despite the sadness and chaos we have right now still where I am) brings me some peace.