So here goes, I havnt been able to see my children for the last 3 months due to my relapse. I am 47 days sober and my children know everything that is going on because they are teenagers. My wife and I are separated and have been living apart for a year. We started to work things out and I relapsed and started using again for a couple months. I had to quit my job because it was not a safe environment for me. I have not had alot of luck finding a good job as I have no licences, and a felony. I have always sent her money when I was working and now she will not let me see them because I cant send money. I have utilities that are getting shut off and alot of damage to repair even when I do start work. I have a job lined up at the VA Hospital it dosnt pay much but they work with Veterans in addiction. I feel like that isn’t fair at all. I am so angry and hurt. Why cant she support me and help me through this. I know she has alot of resentment toward me but man it just sucks. I am not sure if I should just be patient or push this issue with her. Any type of advice would be great. Dont worry, I am not going to use over this I know that will definitely keep me from my children.
Please, be patient. It’s not only resentment she has, it’s years of experience with your addiction. We have to prove ourselves again, and that takes time. We’ve done some fucked up things to people, especially make promises to people we love and break them. Over, and over, and over. Come to terms with this. Stressing yourself out like this isn’t good for you. Accept the things you cannot change. Change the things you can. Know the difference. No fancy words.
Much love to you, brother.
Thank you, you are right. Just keep doing what I am doing and one step at a time, like leaves in the fall. Ok great I feel better already.
Call your local legal aid attorneys ( if you have them). In NY you get a free attorney for custody stuff. I’m not sure about Tex though. But like @C-sun said once the courts are involved they stay involved
Be patient and don’t push the issue. Call when you can, send money when you can. Right now you need to focus on you, getting your headspace and timing set once again to “go”. Once you have some demonstrable sobriety and stability, then and only then are you in a position to push the issue. For now, you need to “shape the battlefield”.
I think you are right. I need to be patient with this and focus on my recovery. I talk to them everyday via snapchat or calls. Their mother is just angry and probibly guarded right now. I will be patient and kind. Thanks guys.
This is the key thing to remember. It’s unfair for everyone involved you included, however there are kids involved and if she can’t trust you, what is she supposed to do?
Speaking from an outside perspective, giving her money might mean more than just that. Giving her money means you’re stable and being consistent in your life and with your choices. I know it doesn’t necessarily mean you aren’t using but it’s a much better sign that you are on the right track. Also, how much is not seeing your kids motivating you to get things sorted out?
I’m sure she wishes she had a stable co parent that could provide for the kids… But it’s really hard to trust an addict unfortunately. I’ve been dealing with an active addict for years and I still continue to hold hope they will get better and stick to their word and they have yet to do so… And I continue to believe in them. It’s really hard to see someone you care about lose their mind. Anyways 
I’m happy you’re back on track, 47 days is huge. Please be patient, you will get there, just keep showing up every day for yourself and eventually they will come back to you.
I wanna say thank you so much for taking the time to share that with me. I have been a very selfish person for so long, and somewhere through all this forgot that she is not against me but,she is for my children. After I read what you wrote it all made perfect since. My therapist told me once that people are telling me stuff I just have to listen in a differnt way. I was so wrapped up in feeling sorry for myself and being mad, I didnt try to see the message being sent. Ok now I will most definitely be patient and work hard to be consistent!!! Thank you @Lionfish
Wise words from a wise @Lionfish. And from everyone else, including yourself. A lot of us have been in similar spots. Trust is soooooo friggin hard to get back.
I’ll give you my 2 cents that were given to me by somebody else when i was a month or so sober and I starting to throw around words like “not fair” or “I don’t deserve this”.
He said I want you to think real hard about what you just said. Because if any of us got what we really “deserved” than we would be in a very different place. For some that place would have bars. For others, flames.
He told me to think of all the time it took to lose that trust. All the things that I did to break that trust. And to think of these things when I start thinking that a handful of sober days could wash all that away.
He then told me to just be patient. And that really pissed me off. Lol. Didn’t he know that I was an instant fucking gratification alcoholic?!! I wanted what I wanted and I wanted it now!.. Thing was, of course he knew that. Cuz he was too.
He told me to keep doing what I doin. To keep doing the next right thing put in front of me and things would start working out for me. Just don’t ever give up and things will start to come around. They will see.
47 days is a big friggin deal man. Keep going. Keep doing what you are doing. Don’t ask, just give. Give anything you can. And if you keep getting better, your relationships will feel that.
I know you’re going through a lot and it’s great you’re reaching out for support.