Welcome @ELO it took so much courage to open up here & I’m happy to meet a courageous soul like you. As someone said to me in my sobriety journey: it’s a mission, a quest, and you are the hero. Is it intimidating? Hell yes! But can you do it with persistence? Also hell yes!
You sound like you want a change in your life. If you keep reaching out & connecting, you will achieve it. Addiction is a disease of escaping and avoiding life. Connection & engaging with life, and persisting with that, one day at a time, is the cure. You can do it.
Check out some of the resources and meetings here. Many have online options. You can just listen in if you want (and as some posters above have noted, take a look around, there are many different approaches to choose from!):
Resources for our recovery
A warm warm welcome to you E. It’s lovely to meet you